


Then, I Defy You.

by SaveThePorgs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: #reyhatesporgs, Angst, Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Excessive Exposition, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost!Luke, Heartbreak, Hux is a bad boy, If this fic had an aroma it would be those car air freshener trees, Inappropriate Use of the Force, It has plot!, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren breaks more shit., Kylo Ren discovers he has a maid., Multi, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey, Pining, Post TLJ, Post-Canon, Renperor, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, The Force Ships It, Time Skips, Wait! Matt is in this?, eventual bendemption, porgs, reylo is the endgame, so much pining, terrible parenting, vague mention of Snoke's torso
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 03:35:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14584083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaveThePorgs/pseuds/SaveThePorgs
Summary: Rey is finally getting her life back on track.She has a boyfriend who loves her. Friends who care for her. She’s beginning to create a life for herself as well as a place within the Resistance to call home.The only complication is the child. Kylo's child. She's vowed never to see Kylo Ren again. And to do everything to keep him from knowing he’s a father.But secrets don’t stay hidden forever...*This is my overly ambitious post TLJ fic and a loose sequel to my ficInto The Dark. But, I promise, it can one hundred percent be read as a standalone.*





	1. Metamorphosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My only love sprung from my only hate.”  
> ― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this fic, please check out my original poetry [here](https://alliedreamsofthesea.tumblr.com/tagged/my-writing). Porgloads of love to y'all.

** Part 1 - A Fool of Fortune **

 

_“General Organa.” Rey whispers nervously as she enters the woman's quarters. “—General?”_

 

_“Oh Rey. I didn’t see you there. Come in, come in, sit down.”  The General says as she emerges from behind a door clutching a mug of coffee. “And please. Call me Leia.”_

 

_Rey sits down shakily, looking at the General then back at her hands, crossed stiffly on her lap. She feels lost. Trapped._

 

_“Would you like some tea. Or coffee?"_

 

_“Tea. Please.” Rey says, thanking her. She watches as the General pours boiling water into a cup, the knot in her stomach twisting. She sits down beside her, handing her the tea._

 

_“So... Rey, what has brought you here today?” Leia says smiling. “And I must applaud you for your politeness. Dameron comes storming in here at least ten times a day, ranting about some sort of Resistance matter. Never gives me any privacy. When we manage to locate a new base i’m setting up a security code on the door. Anyway, excuse me I’m rambling. Tell me, what is it that you want dear?”_

 

_“—General Orga... Leia.” Rey stutters before lapsing into silence._

 

_The General looks at her with piercing eyes. A discerning gaze. As if she can see right through her._

 

_“What is it, Rey?” She says. “You obviously have something to tell me. Speak dear, the longer you wait to tell me, the harder it is going to get.”_

 

_“I’m…” Rey stumbles over the words, struggling to get them out of her mouth._

 

_“I’m pregnant.”_

 

_General Organa, Leia, looks momentarily stunned. A bloated silence passes between them._

 

_“How? And with ...who?”  Leia enquires with a tone of measured curiosity._

 

 _“It’s_ Ren’s _." She swallows, struggling to breathe. "The child is Ren’s.”_

 

 _Astonishment and alarm pattern Leia’s face._ _“Oh my dear girl.” Leia says turning to touch her shoulder. “How long have you known?”_

 

_“A month.”_

 

_It had taken her a while to realise. Malnutrition caused by a life of scavenging meant she had never bled regularly. And the tiredness... well she had put that down to stress. She still had nightmares about that throne room..._

 

_It was only when the vomiting had begun that she had realised something was amiss. At first she had thought she was simply sick. That she had eaten something bad. But when it continued..._

 

 _“I should of told you sooner." Rey says, beginning to weep. “But I was scared. Scared_ _of what you’d think of me.”_

 

_“I think that you are strong and brave.” Leia says leaning in to brush away the tears. She pauses, and proceeds to look Rey straight in the eye, a serious expression on her face. “Does he know?”_

 

_Rey shakes her head._

 

_“I don’t think I want him to.”_

 

_Leia pulls her close grasping her hand._

 

 _“Well, no one here will tell him. No one even has to know it’s his.” She says reassuringly. “And you have ..._ options _you know Rey. My dear, what you decide to do is entirely up to you.”_

 

_Rey nods unable to stop the tears. “The problem is... I really don’t know what to do.” She pauses, hearing the sounds of her own rasping breaths. “I never meant for any of this to happen.” She says looking at her feet._

 

_“I’m only twenty.”_

 

_She starts crying properly then, loud hiccupy sobs escaping her mouth, choking, nose stuffy, face moist with tears. Leia wraps her arms around her and Rey buries her face into the Generals neck, making her shirt into a damp mess. Leia lets her cry, waiting until her sobs slowly fade, until her breathing returns to normal._

 

_“It’s going to be okay,” She tells her. “We’ll figure it out together.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Rey lay amongst the long grass, soft blades tickling her skin, husks of seeds floating in the breeze. She gazed at the sky and imagined it gazing back.

 

She must be a strange sight.

 

Slender limbs stretched lazily across the earth, and in the centre of her, her stomach distended, huge, rising above her, dwarfing her small form.

 

She was two parts, that somehow did not form one whole.

 

Yet, despite everything she could not bring herself to get rid of the child inside her.

 

“The procedure would be painless.” Leia had told her.

 

But she could not do it. Not when she could feel the child inside herself, a spark of the living Force. A dim undulating light, deep within her. Instead the child grew. A little parasite, making her breasts and belly swell, her emotions into a tangled mess. One minute she wanted to laugh and dance the next minute, cry.

 

The Resistance had finally found a place to stay. Establishing a new base on an uninhabited continent on Dandoran. The planetary system was precariously situated in Hutt space, bordering the unknown regions, an area known for it's danger and organised crime. But despite it's perilous location, the planet was beautiful, mountainous, green. A little haven in the middle on nowhere. Following Crait their numbers had dwindled, so setting up a base was not the difficulty it had once been. Including Rey, only forty two of them remained. But this time the Resistance was not recruiting. Leia had decided on a new strategy. One that meant the Resistance would not die if the First Order once again located their base.

 

As news of Crait spread, the Resistance had transformed into a guerilla movement. New cells emerging on all the populated planets as the story of Luke Skywalker travelled across star systems. Retold in Cantinas. Whispered with an evangelical fervor. A tale of infallible Skywalker who could not be cut down by a lightsaber, who faced down the entire First Order and survived. The Luke Skywalker who defied the Supreme Leader. Who had driven Kylo Ren maniacal with rage.

 

The story had spread across the galaxy. And with it the popularity of the Resistance had increased, people suddenly eager to help, believing that like the Empire, the First Order could be defeated.

 

 _The Resistance had been reborn_.

 

Leia kept in touch with the emergent Resistance cells, that provided her with intelligence, and made life hard for the First Order. Bombings of hangers containing military spacecraft and factories that manufactured First Order weapons had been reported in thirteen systems. Leia did not particularly condone these acts but neither she did not discourage them. Her only rule was _do not kill_. No members of the First Order were to be killed or injured unless it was absolutely necessary. A life or death situation. The majority of people working for the First Order didn’t do it for the love of terrorism or war, Leia had told her. Simply because they had mouths to feed. A job was a job.

 

_They did not deserve to die._

 

The new Resistance base consisted of a few stone cottages, and an empty warehouse. The remnants of a long abandoned aluminium mining operation. A number of temporary structures had also been erected in the three months they had been on Dandoran. Rey had been allocated a whole cottage to herself. An unthought-of luxury. Because she was a Jedi, Leia had told her. _To afford her some privacy._

 

Rey however wasn't fooled. She knew it was because of the pregnancy. She imagined herself in a room with a dozen bunk-mates, feeling suddenly grateful for Leia's intervention.

 

Her friends however had chosen not to interrogate her about her ever expanding stomach. Instead waiting until she was ready to confide in them. She was glad for their _tact_. It had become common knowledge that she had been captured by Kylo Ren, returning to the Resistance pregnant. She already attracted a lot of attention as a powerful Force sensitive. The child inside her only increased the intrigue. She knew what people thought. Saw their sympathetic stares. Sensed their pity. Even Leia had asked her if Ren had forced her. Fearing the worst.

 

In the beginning she had tried to hide, isolating herself from scrutiny. But Finn, Rose and Poe had started coming to her cottage every evening with stolen ration bars and Corellian wildthorn tea to play Dejarik and Sabacc, talking late into the night. On those nights Rey sensed that Poe was constantly cheating, but he was so devastatingly charismatic that she could not help but turn a blind eye. She also caught the meaningful looks between Finn and Rose, a smile forming at the corners of her lips. Her friends happiness was catching. It made her forget the heaviness in her soul for a time. Forget Kylo Ren.

 

She could never truly forget him though.

 

She absent-mindedly brushed her stomach. Two more months to go.

 

_She’d been blocking him out._

 

The Force bond however still remained, causing Rey to exist in a constant state of panic, fear. Two months ago if her mind accidentally found Rens, it would simply be an annoyance. Now if he saw her…

 

There would no way she could hide her stomach. Not now.

 

_She would never be free of him._

 

She closed her eyes, reminiscing. Three months had passed since that night.

 

* * *

 

 

_Rey stands in a cathedral of ice, shivering. It’s been four months since she’s seen Ren._

 

_As soon as the Resistance settled on Dandoran she had left taking the Millennium Falcon with her. Using a supply run as an excuse for her departure. Her destination the planet of Ilum._

 

_A planet of ice and eerie stillness. However below the surface it burns, blooming with raw power and energy. A heart of Kyber. Now, filled with uncertainty she clutches Luke’s saber, slowly making her way through the caves of ice. Caves so huge yet translucent they fill her with a sense of awe. Profound feelings a scavenger would ignore, recognising the impracticality of such emotions. But she is not a scavenger anymore. Kylo Ren killed that part of her._

 

_She treads slowly, sensing the arcane hum of the Force around her, a soft reverberation deep in her bones. The crystals are alive. The Kyber all around her sings. But none of them call to her._

 

_Suddenly she senses movement, and the cave walls echo with the sounds of a human voice._

 

_“I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you would come."_

 

_Rey spins around, trying to find the source of the voice. Her eyes fix upon a wizened old woman clad in Bantha fur, a sliver of Kyber tied on a string around her throat._

 

_“Who are you?” She asks frightened, questioning why an old woman should elicit such fear in her._

 

_“Me? I’m nobody. We are all nobody. You're wasting time asking such inane questions.There are more important matters at hand.” The woman raises her eyebrows walking towards her. “No one has visited these caves for years. So what brings you here now? What are looking for girl?”_

 

_Rey holds out the two broken sides of Luke’s saber. “I need to fix this.”_

 

_The old woman looks at the saber, touching it with a leathery hand. She frowns._

 

_“You do not need a new crystal for that saber, girl. What is broken cannot be replaced. Only restored.”_

 

_Rey narrows her eyes. “How do you know?” She says scrutinizing the woman._

 

_The woman laughs. “I may not have the Force like you child, but I have guarded the crystals for a long time. Long enough to recognise their intent.”_

 

_“I’m not a child.” Rey says looking at her bloated stomach. She grimaces._

 

_“Yet, you have a lot to learn young one.”_

 

_Rey frowns. There is something strange about the woman before her, the Force around her is transient like a leaf in the wind. It does not live inside her but flows. She shouldn't exist._

 

_“—You’re one of them. A guardian of the whills. I didn't know any of you still existed…”_

 

 _The woman laughs. “Well you_ are _wiser than you look. There are not many of us left. Only in the most remote places. We may not possess the Force but we aim to understand it. The Empire didn't approve of our religious inclinations. Neither does the First Order. Like you, they see us as a threat.”_

_The old woman tilts her head up looking into Rey’s eyes. “Come.” She says. “My house is not far from here. You can warm yourself up by the fire, I can sense you have things you want to discuss."_

 

_"Sense..?"  Rey balks, breath catching. “I thought you weren't sensitive to the Force?”_

 

_“No, but empathy should not be underestimated young one.”_

 

**

 

_An hour later she crouches in the corner of a hut staring at the ancient woman. Body curled towards the fire. Looking for answers._

 

_“This saber was broken in two.” The old woman says as she examines Luke's saber. “It needs two to remake it.”_

 

_Rey shakes her head. “No. I’m never going near that man again.” She hisses._

 

_“The father of your child?” She says, gazing at Rey’s pregnant stomach._

 

_Rey nods. “And now, the Supreme Leader of the First Order.”_

 

_“Well child, it is your choice whether you choose to avoid him, but destiny works in mysterious ways. The Force chooses it's champion. And that lightsaber is not meant to stay broken. It has work to do yet.”_

 

_Rey snorts and tosses the two lightsaber parts at the woman. “You can have it.”_

 

_She picks up the pieces carefully clutching them in her wizened palms. “Fine. I can keep them for you now. But one day you will come back here and choose your own crystal. Maybe by then you will have changed your mind.”_

 

_Rey's shakes her head. Uncertain. “I just want peace.”_

 

_“Then why are you here looking to repair your weapon?”_

 

_Rey sinks onto her knees and finally relenting, tells her everything._

 

_“I need to know how to break a Force Bond. He cannot know about the child.”_

 

_The woman pauses. A look of concern and sadness on her face._

 

 _“Well you may be trying for a long time. There are only two known ways to break a Force bond._ _The first is easy. When you stop caring for him the bond will disappear. But love is a strong emotion, it is difficult to erase.”_

 

_Rey breath stops, aghast. “I don’t love him.” She says with an air of indignation. “I hate him!”_

 

_“Yet you carry his child young one. Hate and love are very similar emotions, something many do not realise.”_

 

_Rey lower lip curls inwards and she shakes, not wanting this, needing to forget him. To kill the past._

 

_“You said there were two ways. What is the second?”_

 

_“Well the second method I’d say may cause you more difficulty.”_

 

_“What is it! I have to try…”_

 

_The woman's mouth twitches. Melancholy patterns her face._

 

_“Well, it is quite simple. One of you needs to die.”_

 


	2. Birth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo discovers he has a maid.

_When he is born, she screams, wondering if the pain is just another punishment. For falling for him. Ren. For believing he was not beyond redemption._

 

_She sweats and pants. Tries to call upon the Force to dull the pain, but it overwhelms her._

 

_For hours and hours it continues, the pain. Growing, enveloping her, until there is no respite between the contractions and her world is a veil of redness and tears and she is on her knees panting like a dog, both Leia and the medical droid instructing her to push._

 

_But her body already knows to instinctually, and she is pushing, groaning, breath coming in pants as she is torn apart from the inside, sweat running into her eyes. And then suddenly, quickly, she gives the final push, forcing all the remaining energy into it. She roars. And then, it is over._

 

_She hears his piercing cry echoing across the medbay as the infant is placed in her arms. He immediately finds her breast, somehow knowing where to look, even though before this moment the child has never seen a glimpse of the world._

 

_“It’s a boy.” Leia tells her. “You have a baby boy.”_

 

_Rey looks at the top of his head. He has dark hair. Before now she didn't even know babies had hair, thinking they were all born bald. But the boy in her arms has wispy black curls._

 

_Just like his father._

 

_But he will not be like him._

 

_Just then, the infant's head shifts and he looks at her with soft brown eyes. And suddenly the nightmare is over._

 

_He is beautiful._

 

_And in that moment she knows she will never be able not to love this creature. This perfect little boy that lies sleeping in her arms. All the doubt she had is gone. She begins to cry. She has never felt so happy._

 

_“What are you going to call him?” Leia asks._

 

_“Cai.” she says. “His name is Cai.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo woke from his nightmare, panting, coated in a sheen of cold sweat. An unfamiliar woman was standing over him.

 

He instinctively reached for his lightsaber, freezing her limbs with the Force. He was used to warding off assassins at this point. Despite Hux swearing his fealty to him in person, he highly suspected the man was trying to usurp his position as Supreme Leader.

 

True, some of his would-be murderers just wanted to kill him because they hated the First Order. The majority however, were contract killers, having been promised large sums of money upon his demise. From some _anonymous_ source.

 

The woman standing above him however did not seen like an assassin. Her eyes were wide with fear. She even let out a high pitched shriek at the sight of the hilt of his unlit lightsaber.

 

“Who are you. _Who_ sent you?” He demanded with a tone of paranoia.

 

“I’m Rina, Sir.” The woman stuttered. “Your —your maid.”

 

“ _Oh_.” Kylo said breathlessly relinquishing his control of the Force on her.

 

Up to this moment he had been unaware that he had a maid. Imagining his clothes just appeared miraculously clean, bed sheets straightened.

 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. Embarrassed.

 

“I… I usually work the day cycle but my daughter had a fever so I took the night shift. And then I heard screaming and…”

 

Kylo held up a palm to silence her.

 

He felt stupid. He had forgotten that not just anyone could enter his quarters. He had _guards_ now.

 

“It’s fine. ...I must have had a nightmare.” He said quietly, contemplatively, almost to himself.

 

The woman nodded and began to gather up dirty clothes he had left lying on the floor. He suddenly felt incredibly slovenly.

 

Kylo cleared his throat. “Again, i'm sorry if I scared you.” He said. “I mean it.” _He wondered to himself if he was becoming unhinged. Inadvertently terrorizing the help._

 

“No, no it's fine.” Rina stuttered. “I mean, compared to the… the _last_ Supreme Leader, you're not that frightening. No, no offense I mean.”

 

“None taken.”

 

Then surprisingly she turned, looking back at him with eyes full of concern.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Kylo felt a pang of sadness tugging at his stomach. No one had shown him so much kindness since _her_. Rey.

 

“She was in pain." He murmured to himself. "The  _scavenger_. Terrible pain. I could sense it. But now she's… happy. Really really happy. I ...I don’t know what happened.” He said, muttering like a crazy person.

 

Even though she blocked him out he still felt her. Rey. These past months he had felt her emotions, a sadness that seemed to constantly veer between hysterical despair and existential melancholy. Her moods had been all over the place recently. He had silently rejoiced at her unhappiness. It gave him hope. That perhaps she missed him. Tonight though someone had hurt her. Hurt her so badly that the pain made him scream and shiver in his dreams. But she was happy for it.

 

Suddenly, a voice drew his attention away from his thoughts. Shattering through them.

 

“Who is she. This scavenger?” The woman in front of him whispered timidly.

 

Suddenly Kylo felt agitated, vulnerability and rage welling up inside him.

 

“No one.” He snapped at the maid.

 

She stared at him, a mixture of confusion and hurt and somehow understanding. Despite not knowing who Rey was, the woman knew that he loved her. His scavenger. Knew that she had broken his heart.

 

“If you are done here, you're dismissed.” He paused, feeling overly harsh. “And take the rest of the shift off.” He added. “Go check on your daughter. Your Supreme Leader commands it.”

 

The woman flushed, muttering garbled thank-yous at him before leaving. He lay back down upon his bed.

 

Once again cocooned in his covers, Kylo rolled over trying unsuccessfully to sleep. Unable to stop thinking about what had made Rey so completely, unequivocally happy.


	3. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe get closer, Leia reveals her secret history with Luke and Kylo attends a board meeting.
> 
> #reyhatesporgs

“Cailan Bail Organa, what it is that you think you are _doing_?”

 

Rey heard Leia’s voice as soon as she entered the cottage.

 

Looking around she immediately saw the cause of Leia's distress. Her son, who was somehow both simultaneously covered in paint and yoghurt.

 

Looking up, the little boy smiled. Reaching out with sticky hands.

 

“Mama!” He cried, eyes lighting up. She reached down, grabbing the grubby child and lifting him up to her chest, embracing him. _She needed a shower anyway._

 

“My baby boy. You’ve gotten so big.” She smiled, pressing her nose down into his curls. Inhaling his sweet toddler smell.

 

Looking around the cottage, Rey realised that so much had changed in the last year and a half. The cottage once empty, a mournful dwelling of bare stone and dust, was now filled with people, life. Hand woven rugs patterned the floor, along with new furniture. Children's books, and toys decorated the walls and littered the ground. And in the corner, a fire crackled happily in the grate.

 

Rey was happy to be home.

 

_It had been a long three months._

 

It had been her first mission since Cai's birth. A supply run. A _long_ one. She had been reluctant to leave him, but they needed her. A Force sensitive. The First Order had been blockading the hyperspace routes out of Hutt space. Routes near enough to Dandoran to cause issues. Therefore Rey had been asked to go along as a obstacle detector, as they flew blind. To avoid conspicuity, only her, Poe, Rose and Chewie had gone on the mission. A pilot, a mechanic, a Wookie and an inexperienced Jedi. Or Padawan. Without a master or a lightsaber, Rey knew not what she was.

 

Nevertheless, they made a good team. Poe funny, loyal and brave. Rose, with a fierce exterior, that deep inside disguised a fragile soul. Chewie with his loving heart. And then there was her.

 

There had been good evenings. Evenings where they would fall out of hyperspace to navigate the dusty reaches of massive Nebula’s. All of them transfixed by the galaxies beauty. And others when the course was set, the ship cruising steadily on autopilot, so instead they would drink Corellian whisky and play Dejarik to pass the time. Poe continuing to cheat, resulting in every game ending in Chewie flipping the table over in rage, causing the holographic pieces to stutter and fade. Poe always denied any wrongdoing, claiming all his victories were simply down to natural talent. Everybody else knew _better_.

 

But there had also been close encounters with the First Order. Hushed conversations in bars with worried traders. _The First Order, they're trying to seize power from the Hutts._ People would whisper. And it was causing all out war. Blood, unrest and poverty, as those caught in the crossfire looked to escape. Misplaced children and traders and slaves.

 

“Do you think he’s trying to end slavery?” She whispered to Poe and Rose one night on the Falcon.

 

“Who? The _Supreme Leader_ ?” Poe said. “I honestly don't know what his motives are. I mean I hardly know the guy. Only met him once. As I recall he _was_ especially talented at torturing information out of me.” He grimaced. Then looked at Rey. “You’re probably more likely to have an idea.” He winked suggestively.

 

Rey shivered.

 

“You know I’m joking with you.” Poe said looking a little concerned.

 

“Yes, Poe. I _know_.” Rey sighed with exasperation.

 

“Well at least it's not Luke’s child.” Rose giggled. That had been Poe’s first guess when her belly had begun to show.

 

“Would that make you respect me more. If it was Luke’s?” Rey probed.

 

“Nah,” Poe grinned. “That would just be creepy. The dude uh well, he was pretty _old_. But I guess I _would_ be impressed that you managed to seduce a Jedi Knight.” He grinned, smirking.

 

Rose laughed. “Well, I think I for one _always_ knew. You definitely have a thing for bad boys.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes.

 

“Poe’s just jealous I think. I hear Kylo Ren has an eight pack. That he’s _shredded_.”

 

At this point Rey had had enough. “You don't have to make everything in a joke.” She snapped at both of them. “You know, like the fact my child is an evil Sith lords baby. There it is. The elephant in the room. And yes, I _am_ aware that he’s terrible, a murder.” Her hands, sitting on the table, began to shake.

 

And then suddenly one of Poe’s strong calloused hands touched her arm lightly. His fingers were warm.

 

“I’m sorry Rey. I started it.” He said meeting her eyes.

 

Rey shook her head, breathing. Trying to calm the anger, the manic energy within her. The _darkness_.

 

“It’s alright Poe.” She said softly. “It’s just, ...I don’t want Cai growing up with all these whispers, these jokes. When he’s ready I’ll tell him who he is. Who his father is. But until then, I don’t want the past to follow him. A past he’s not _responsible_ for.”

 

“I understand.” Poe said, still holding her gaze, his face serious. “And just uh, so you know I uh, I _do_ respect you.” He said, cheeks turning a little red. “I think you are _strong_ and _smart_ and a pretty good pilot.”

 

Poe suddenly looked vulnerable, all of his usual swagger lost. Tearing his eyes away from hers, he cleared his throat, getting up to leave.

 

As soon as Poe had disappeared, Rose turned to stare at Rey and began to giggle.

 

“Damn, that boy has it bad for you.”

 

“Rrhuuguughghg!”

 

Chewie, who was sat across in the corner, growled in agreement.

 

* * *

 

Half a galaxy away, Kylo sat at yet another board meeting of the First Order.

 

Beneath the table, he gripped his saber, knuckles white, as the Generals around him discussed his failures.

 

He rubbed his eyes. Feeling tired. _He always felt tired nowadays._

 

Training with a saber, out in the field, sweating, muscles burning, kinetic. That made him feel alive. But all this politics, it drained him.

 

“Supreme Leader, I must say, it is inadvisable to continue this blockade for much longer.” The man paused, waiting for a reply. “...Supreme Leader?”

 

“Yes?”

 

Kylo jumped at the mention of his title, snapping back to attention. He surveyed the balding men that surrounded him. Sitting stiff in their military uniforms, trying to convey importance. Power. They were _weak_. All of them. He could sense it.

 

And then his gaze stopped abruptly at a shock of red in the corner. The man’s eyes shot up to regard him. Lip curling, meeting his gaze with a sneer. _Hux_. No, Hux wasn’t weak. The one exception. However much Kylo pushed, the man did not give him a reason to kill him, or have him executed. Instead, he man took his abuse silently. Refusing to pander to him like the other Generals that were forever trying to curry favour. Instead, Hux continued to regard him with a loathing he made no attempt to disguise. Kylo respected him for it, for not hiding his true feelings. Yet, he still found the man revolting.

 

Hux opened his mouth to speak. “Supreme Leader.” He drawled. “General Rotham was voicing his _concern_ about the blockade. I too, think it is inadvisable to continue it.”

 

“Noted.” Kylo replied. “But the blockade _will_ continue, until the ruling Hutt families are _eliminated._ ”

 

Another General - Colrick protested. “But, Supreme Leader, many of our sponsors are unhappy. They are protesting that the blockade is disrupting their _business interests_.”

 

“Then, perhaps we should find supporters that aren’t in league with criminals.” Kylo said, angrily slamming his fist into the table. “Tell me _again_ Colrick, what _is_ the purpose of the First Order.”

 

The man seemed to shrink, growing fearful under the Supreme Leaders gaze. “To… to... bring order to the galaxy?” He stuttered.

 

“Correct.” Kylo said, annoyance patterning his features. “And a galaxy full of criminals who think they are beyond control is one that lacks order don’t you think.”

 

The General bowed his head. “Yes Supreme Leader.”

 

But Hux once again cleared his throat. _Always vying for power_.

 

“ _True_ the Hutts are criminals, but they are powerful and wealthy, and relegated to a corner of the galaxy we have little interest in. Resource poor, with little sway over Galactic politics. Therefore our troops and destroyers could perhaps be better utilized elsewhere. We risk losing support otherwise. And _funding._ Our fleet is still recovering from our last encounter with the Resistance. Where, I recall _you,_ Supreme Leader lost them. And were tricked by _Luke Skywalker_.

 

Kylo hissed at Hux’s insolence. “Luke Skywalker is _dead_. I sensed his passing. And our informants tell the same story. And as I recall, it was _you_ Hux, that neglected to shoot down the Resistance Admiral who carved our fleet in half.”

 

Hux stared at him, his pale eyes simmering with loathing. But he remained silent.

 

“The blockade will continue. No longer will we turn a blind eye to organised crime, to the filth in our Galaxy. We will clean it up, bring order. Are you with me?”

 

The pale faced generals nodded, even Hux giving a slight inclination of his head.

 

“Good. Now that is sorted, we can address our second order of business. The mole in this organisation.”

 

“A mole?” Said Rotham incredulously.

 

“Yes. There is a mole in the First Order. There has been for a while.” Kylo said softly. “And I aim to find out who it is.”

 

In the corner of the room, Hux laughed. “Perhaps you haven’t been getting enough sleep _Supreme Leader_.”

 

With a quick wave of his hand, Kylo pushed him backwards, watching Hux fly from his chair, leaving him sprawled on the floor. He surveyed the room addressing the other Generals. “Do you all think it is simply coincidence that the Resistance knows where our military bases are, the shipyards of our suppliers. _No_. Someone in the First Order is sabotaging our operations. Someone who is _high up_ enough to have access to that knowledge.” He glared at all of them, implying their collective guilt. They looked around, eyes flitting, focusing on each other. Uneasy.

 

“The Resistance is a decentralised movement nowadays.” He continued. “More of a guerrilla force than an organisation. Therefore, whoever had been feeding them information is rather resourceful with a number of connections and supporters. Being able to find and maintain contact with individual cells simultaneously. Therefore they must have a good knowledge of politics, communications systems and interplanetary affairs. It seems our mole is highly intelligent.”

 

The Generals remained silent, unwilling to meet his eyes.

 

“As you men seem to lack the necessary brains or bravery, I have decided that for _now_ you can live. But I imagine some of you know the mole, and are working with them. If so, I advise you cease to. Or the next time we meet, you will learn much more about the dark side of the Force.” He stood up, surveying the room.

 

“We’re finished for now.” He said, walking to the door preparing to leave. “But I ensure you. I will find the mole. And whoever it is, I promise they will suffer greatly.”

 

At the end of the table Hux had regained his footing, brushing down the surface of his greatcoat with his hands. Kylo momentarily glanced over at him. Meeting his eye. He pushed into his mind a little, being met by the usual solid wall. All the while holding his gaze.

 

_He wanted Hux to know that he was watching him._

 

* * *

 

 

“He looks like him. Like Ben.” Leia said.

 

A few hours had passed and Rey had unpacked her few belongings and showered. While Cai had received a much needed bath. After reading him a story, and a bottle of blue milk, he had fallen asleep in her arms and Rey had collapsed on the sofa still holding him. A bundle of chubby limbs and black curls. Rey felt about ready to fall asleep herself.

 

“He does.” She smiled, eyes half closed. “And it’s not at all a bad thing.”

 

Leia nodded. “No, it isn’t. He was such a good child, my Ben. So quiet and compassionate. Not at all who he is now.” She leaned over to rustle Cai’s curls. “It's strange, I think the Force gave us him, Cai, for a reason. A second chance.”

 

Rey smiled at Leia yawning. She had, in the past eighteen months, been the best Grandmother Rey could ever ask for. Leia had washed and changed and sang to the child, all while still managing Resistance business. Though Rey loved her child she still sometimes possessed a strange detachment, born of a childhood lacking in affection. Feeding him, dressing him, cajoling him, it had often been hard. So she was grateful to Leia for helping, especially grateful that she had moved in with Rey, sharing the cottage with her and Cai. Often waking up to placate Cai in the night as he cried with all the might in his lungs. Allowing Rey to sleep.

 

“A baby isn’t a one person job to look after.” Leia had said to her. “It takes a village. I was glad to have Han when Ben was young. And _now,_ you have me.”

 

Rey had smiled, tears in her eyes. For the first time she knew what it was like to have a family.

 

“Well, for one thing i’m glad he looks like Ben.” Rey grinned. “It dispels the rumours that I had a passionate affair with Luke.” Those rumours had persisted for a long time. Until she had met them head on.

 

Leia laughed, looking at Rey conspiratorially. “You know, I _kissed_ Luke once. It was mainly to get back at Han. It was before I knew he was my brother  _of course._ ”

 

“Really?” Rey raised her eyebrows.

 

“Yes. As I recall I called Han a laser-brain. This was before well, anything happened between us. He implied I liked him and that I expressed that ‘like’ in the south corridor of the Rebel base on Hoth. A _blatant_ lie. So to get back at him, I told him he didn’t know everything about women. And then I kissed Luke. I don’t even know if Luke wanted to be kissed. I just sort of grabbed him...”

 

“By you? Oh, i’m sure he did.” Rey smiled.

 

“Well, Han won me over in the end. Despite his arrogance. Maybe that was what I liked about him. That _swagger_.” Leia paused, sighing. For a moment she looked sad.

 

“I miss him sometimes.”

 

Rey wrapped her arm around Leia’s shoulder. “I do too.”

 

Just then, they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

 

“Who’s calling at this hour?” Leia grumbled. “It had better be an emergency.”

 

Leia heaved herself up, walking over and opening the door. On the threshold she was met by Poe Dameron.

 

She sighed, narrowing her eyebrows and placing her hand on her hip.

 

“How many times do I have to tell you Dameron! You can’t keep turning up here at night to discuss Resistance business. Unless its an emergency, it can wait till the _morning_.”

 

Poe looked at Leia raising an eyebrow. Meanwhile, Rey sat on the sofa observing the whole scene, Cai in her lap. Suddenly Poe caught her eye from the threshold, winking at her. Rey could feel herself turning a little red. Flustered, she returned his smile. Watching as he turned his attention back to Leia, putting on a serious face.

 

“I’m sorry Leia. But I’m not actually here on Resistance business. I …I came to see Rey.” He turned to look at her. His expression somehow both simultaneously hopeful and solemn.

 

“Oh.” Leia said. " _Oh_ … Well, in that case you can come in Poe.” Leia turned and looked over at her, regarding the cramped space. “Or _perhaps_ you kids would prefer to talk outside.”

 

Rey looked at Poe. “Yeah, let’s go outside.” She said, handing Cai to Leia.

 

“Are you okay looking after him?”

 

Leia’s eyes creased and she smiled. “Well I was okay, doing it for the last three months. Another day can’t possibly hurt.”

 

Whispering a quick thank you to her, Rey pulled on her coat and headed out into the night.

 

It was autumn on Dandoran and the cool air kissed all the exposed parts of her body, nipping at her hands and making her face tingle. Her warm breath produced clouds of smoke, billowing tendrils of wispy steam dissolving slowly into the dark. She curled her hands into fists, pulling the coat around her tightly. As a desert girl, she was unused to changing seasons, to a chill so deep that she could feel it in her bones.

 

She gazed up at the stars feeling infinitely small.

 

They walked in silence, side by side, her and Poe for a while. She could feel him beside her, solid and warm. Finally, Poe spoke.

 

“I wanted to make sure you got back home alright. After we landed.”

 

Rey laughed incredulously. “I only live ten minutes walk away from the Resistance base Poe.”

 

Poe shrugged. “ _Still_. I wanted to make sure.”

 

Looking over at him, Rey smiled.

 

“Thank you.” She said softly, meeting his eyes. It felt nice, she had to admit, to have someone checking up on her, making sure she was happy. And safe.

 

They had gotten closer, she and Poe, whilst on the Falcon. Especially in the last weeks of their mission, that had culminated in a drunken night where Poe’s hand had curved around her, laying on the small of her back. Rey in her inebriated state had responded by curling into his chest as she drunkenly proclaimed her hate of Porgs. And of the Porg colony that now existed on Dandoran thanks to the creatures stowing away on the Falcon when Chewie had left Ahch To. But despite the small smiles and casual touches nothing yet had happened between them. Their politeness towards each other had become a facade. An elaborate ruse. A game where they each, through secret looks, dared the other to make the next move. But perhaps Poe was tired of playing.

 

And perhaps she was too. Rey _liked_ Poe. He was charming, funny and had no aspirations to rule the Galaxy. Exactly what she needed. But her first foray into a romantic relationship, with Kylo Ren, who she had thought of at the time as Ben Solo, had ended horribly and destructively, with her being dragged before Snoke and tortured, before escaping with only painful memories and an unplanned child growing inside her. But, perhaps, it was time to move on.

 

_Let the past die. Kill it._

 

That is what he had once said. _Kylo Ren._

 

So she followed Poe as they walked among the trees, long grass brushing her ankles, the cold burning the tips of her ears. She listened to him talk about his family. About how his mother had inspired him to be a pilot. About how she had died when he was young.

 

“It must have been hard growing up without parents.” Poe said.

 

Rey nodded. _It had been_.

 

They happened across a tree with large white and pink flowers. Poe grinned and picked one, putting it in her hair. When she moved however, it fell out, the large flower being too heavy to stay among the locks. She laughed, catching it in her hands.

 

“I’ve never seen this type of flower before.” Rey said, regarding it contemplatively.

 

“That’s probably because this tree only flowers at night. When the sun comes out the flowers fall and rot. It’s because bats pollinate them, not insects.”

 

“Oh, wow.” Rey replied. “So you’re not only a great pilot but also a ... _botanist_?”

 

“No.” Poe laughed. “We had trees similar to these on Yavin 4, where I grew up.”

 

“Oh.” Rey said. She shivered involuntarily clutching her arms up around her chest attempting to warm up.

 

“You’re cold.” Poe said, sounding concerned.

 

“A little.” Rey admitted. “I should have worn more layers. But I guess desert girls just aren’t that great at dealing with colder climates.”

 

Poe removed his jacket placing it across her shoulders. He moved closer to her, grasping her hands in his. They were warm. “Hopefully this helps.” He smiled.

 

Rey flushed. “Now you’ll get cold.”

 

“Not this close to you.”

 

Poe eyes met hers. And she looked at him for a minute taking in his features. His dark eyes and strong nose, the day-old stubble. The more she looked at him, the more handsome she realised he was. And determined. _Brave_.

 

“Rey.” He whispered. Their faces now so close they were almost touching.

 

“I need to tell you something."

 

"What?" But she already knew what was coming.

 

"I _like_ you." Poe admitted. "I’ve liked you for a long time. Since Crait, or probably even before that, just from listening to Finn go on about you.”

 

Rey narrowed her eyebrows. “You like me because, because of _Finn_?”

 

Poe snorted. “No, I just _really_ like you. I like that you inspire other people. You’re strong and brave and have a good heart.”

 

Rey shook her head and looked at the ground, but Poe grabbed her jaw, tilting her chin up so that she was gazing into his eyes.

 

“Even if you don’t believe it, it doesn't matter, because I believe in you.”

 

Then he leant in to kiss her.

 

Rey closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss. Letting Poe’s lips gently brush against hers, letting his fingers weave into her hair. She opened her mouth, inviting him in deeper. Losing herself in the wild abandon of another's touch. It had been so long since she had last been kissed. She pressed into his body, relishing the reassuring warmth of another human being. Her tongue found his, feeling the smooth edges of his teeth, the warmth of his breath and…

 

Then she felt him. A presence in the back of her mind, watching. And a rage so aphotic and dark that it could in no way belong to her. Rey's eyes snapped open and she drew away from Poe, looking over his shoulder.

 

And there he was, watching her.

 

_Kylo Ren._

 

The Supreme Leader of the First Order, looking a little unhinged, hands curling into fists. His hair had grown longer, a unruly mane of curls, now brushing his shoulders. As she stared at him, he met her gaze and grimaced, eyes burning, a maelstrom of fury, and betrayal.

 

Rey's heart beat fast in her chest.

 

He knew.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **-Today's Lesson on plants.-** So the flowers in this chapter are Barringtonia asiatica the flowers of the Fish Poison Tree and they really do only flower at night then die. I used to have one near my house in the Seychelles. It's a pretty weird tree. 
> 
> Also yes this has Damrey in it. Deal with it. Kylo and Rey get together in they end but there has to be drama first. This isn't a smut fic i'm sorry. Bear with me plz.
> 
>  


	4. Ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A psychopathic Knight of Ren. Tispy Rose and angst a plenty, plus a little backstory for you guys who haven't read my other story. I you haven't I don't blame you. It was my first foray into fan-fiction and it sort of sucks. But... -I have improved! Yey! For not sucking as much as I used to. #progress

_How could she?_

 

Kylo punched the durasteel wall of his bedroom repeatedly, until it became streaked with red, black spots dancing across his vision. Staggering back, he stared at the dull chrome, bent and warped by the force of his blows. The scent of copper filled his nostrils. He gagged, a wave a nausea hitting him, broken sobs emitting from his mouth, which he unsuccessfully tried to suppress.

 

Not since Snoke, since his Father's death, had he felt so _broken_.

 

And it was all because of her. The scavenger. _Rey._

 

For months after Crait, he had reached out for her through the Force, searching. The bond still remained, he could sense it, alive and crackling with energy. But she had blocked him out. Building a concrete wall between them. And then one night, the nightmare. Then nothing.

 

It had been two and a half years since he had seen her.

 

Until now. When he had _felt_ her. For first time in an age she had let down her defenses, the proverbial walls that separated them. He had reached through them. Eager. Eager to see her. To talk. _To admit his regrets_. And then, she had show him _that_.

 

He felt sick.

 

_How long had this been going on for? How long had she been fucking that Resistance pilot?_

 

Anger simmered in his veins, burning.

 

Anger at her betrayal, at her arms wound around him, fingers tangled in his hair. Her gentle sigh at his lips on her throat. _Poe_ , she had whispered, as his lips claimed hers. She had pulled him in closer, pressing herself up to his body. Fingers playing at the hem of his shirt. _Whore._ She had even been wearing his jacket.

 

Kylo struck the wall again, bloodying his other fist.

 

_When was it that she had decided that he no longer mattered to her?_

 

Had it been the moment she had rejected him. In the throne room. Or before that? When he had refused to stop firing on the Resistance.

 

He lent his forehead against the cold metal, panting.

 

 _Why_ did he care? She was no one. Just a scavenger.

 

Yet he could not seem to forget her. Those brown doe eyes. Her determined mouth.

 

_He was a fool._

 

Thinking that it had meant something. That night she had kissed him, presented herself to him. Naked and ethereal. As he bore his soul to her, for the taking. In reality, it had been nothing. They had made love a total of what, _three times_? And then he had got angry. And delivered her to Snoke.

 

She had been spying for the Resistance. Of _course_ she had. And for that, he could not forgive her.

 

So, it was funny now, how little he cared. For _any_ of it. The politics. The war. Not when he knew that somewhere in the Galaxy she was sighing another mans name.

 

He imagined her naked in the Pilot’s arms. Her mouth around his cock.

 

He struck the wall again, drawing more blood. The sharpness of the pain, slicing through his awareness. A momentary distraction from his bitter thoughts. However as he drew his arm back, ready to continue his assault on the wall the doors to his chambers slid open. A tall woman dressed in black, entering.

 

He turned towards her, relaxing his muscles, wrestling his strained expression back into his usual mask of dispassionate calm. The woman, Yahna, turned towards him, raising an eyebrow.

 

“You’re covered in blood.” She remarked casually, flicking her eyes up to gaze at the sanguineous mark on the wall. “Rough morning?”

 

Kylo ignored her jibe. Turning and finding an cloth to wipe the cuts on his hands.

 

“Where are the others?” He asked. “The rest of my knights.”

 

“In the training room.” She said. Moving across the floor languidly before settling down on his leather couch, dumping her dirty boots ungracefully onto the spotless cushions, leaving a dusty orange smear.

 

Kylo tensed. But did not respond to the provocation. This was what Yahna did. Challenged him.

 

Yahna was _dark_. Coffee colored skin, dark hair and sensuous lips that all signaled danger, sex and power. She looked every part like a dark force user should, stoic untouchable and cruel. Unlike him. A creature full of sorrow and volatility, with a face that betrayed his every emotion.

 

She was the eldest. The others were young. At twenty nine, she was only three years younger than him. The rest were teenagers. Lanky and unsure. But not _her_.

 

After Luke's betrayal he had killed them. All the Padawans his age. Burnt down the Jedi temple. Watched as his fellow students had tried to run, panicked, screaming. Clothes alight. The ones who escaped the temple, he had cut down, with his saber. They hadn't even fought back.

 

Except Yahna. She had emerged from the forest. Standing still, at the border of the trees, calmly watching the destruction as it unraveled, flames flickering, reflected in her irises. When he had confronted her, blue saber lit, striking wildly at her heart she had blocked him. Eyes blazing into his.

 

“No.” She had said simply. As their sabers crackled and hummed. “You don’t get to kill me Ben. I’m not done living yet.”

 

He had raised his saber, ready to strike, but paused as she regarded him. “I knew you'd snap in the end, Solo. And I don't care. About whatever you do to Luke. The others. But not me. I never wanted to be a Jedi. My father sent me here, because he didn't know what to do with me. And Luke, well he’s never trusted me either. He sensed the darkness in me too. Only took me because my father was an important man, and the temple needed his money.”

 

Kylo panted. Stopped. What she had said. It was true. Yahna had always been the rebellious one. Destructive and perhaps more volatile than even him. Only she expressed it in different ways. Unimpressed by the Jedi vow of chastity she had been the one, who had laughed at his innocence in between kisses. Biting at his skin in an attempt to get him in further trouble with Luke. He had not fucked her. He had wanted to. But that was the game she played. One of control and denial.

 

She had gazed at the bodies on the ground. Unperturbed as Kylo's eyes leaked tears, broken sounds emerging from his throat. She grabbed his shoulders. “Ben, wherever you’re going I’m coming with you.” She said. He did not protest.

 

Before he left. He stopped for the younglings.

 

“ _Kill them all_.” Snoke's voice had whispered in his mind. But he could not. He was _weak_.

 

Yahna had lit her saber, ready to strike. But he had grabbed her wrist, a warning in his eyes.

 

“No.” He had whispered. “They’re coming with us."

 

Yahna had regarded him with distaste.

 

“Fine.” She bit, clearly unimpressed.

 

When they had reached Snoke. The Supreme Leader had regarded the younglings with curiosity. And Yahna. Snoke had not expected this. For him to have resisted his commands. To have not come alone. His eyes flickered to her. Yahna. His malformed lips curving into a malevolent smile. 

 

“There is ambition in this one.” Snoke had told him. “Be _careful_.”

 

Afterwards he had sent them away, leaving Kylo alone, facing him. He had dropped to one knee pledging himself to Snoke, the man who had for years haunted his dreams.

 

“Stand Kylo Ren. You are now bound to me, my faithful apprentice. Till death claims one of us. Your training will begin immediately.” Snoke paused, examining the two sabers in his hands. His and Yahna's. “As for the others you have brought to me. They will become your knights. The Knights of Ren. The girl is well trained in the Jedi arts. She will tutor the younglings. Show them the way of the dark side of the Force”

 

Kylo had nodded, complaint, wondering what sort of life Snoke would give them.

 

After that, Kylo did not see them for years. His knights. Until Snoke began to send him on missions. To slay Force sensitives. Members of the Resistance. He never enjoyed the killing, had to let the rage and pain in his head take over. Until the red heat consumed him. Until he was not himself. Yahna on the other hand, relished every murder, regarding her victims with interest, watching the light leave their eyes. At some point she had begun to disgust him. This dangerous girl.

 

Kylo had wanted to do some good for the galaxy. But for her it was all a game.

 

Back in the present he tore his bruised hands through his hair. Shocked by the vision, of Rey and Poe. Together

 

“You’re back early.” He said, in an uninterested drawl. Attempting to appear casual as he drew his attention back to her. “Was the mission successful?”

 

Yana crossed her legs, smearing the sofa with more dirt. “It’s hot in here.” She said pulling off her outer jacket, leaving only a tight vest. “And _yes_ , the mission was successful. We killed the slavers, and gave the captives the credits just as you instructed.”

 

“Good.”

 

Yana's mouth curved into a smile. “ _Well_ , I might of spent _some_ of it. Some smugglers had that delicious honey wine. You know the one? From the Naboo. I guess I could have just killed them and taken the wine but I am a proponent of capitalism. Competitive markets. And they _were_ quite handsome.” Her eyes traveled upwards regarding him. “Not as handsome as _you_ though. Supreme Leader.”

 

Kylo sighed. He’d tired of these games a long time ago. “Go take a shower Yahna. You’re filthy. And you’re soiling my furniture.”

 

Yahna stood up, shaking more of the crusted mud off her shoes. “You like giving me orders Supreme Leader. Don't you? Does it make you _feel_ powerful.”

 

He met her gaze. Thinking about Rey. “ _Yes_. Now leave. I have important business to attend to.”

 

“Can I use _your_ shower?” She said walking towards him, smiling coyly. “I miss real water. The sonic ones in our quarters never seem to get all the dirt out.” She reached for the hem of her skimpy vest, pulling it up over her head, revealing a breast band that barely contained her curvy chest. “You could join me if you’d like.”

 

Kylo turned away from her. Despite everything he could feel his pulse rising, blood burning. A heat at the pit of his stomach. A long denied lust.

 

_Perhaps she was the girl he should have fallen for. Not a flat breasted scavenger._

 

But the damage had already been done.

 

“Leave.” He growled. “Find someone else to play with. Someone who will appreciate the attention.”

 

Yahna pouted. “I’m sick of _boys_.”

 

She walked up to him. Head cocked to the side. Shameless. “I know you're still caught up over that scavenger girl. _Everyone_ knows. But you know, us, it _doesn't_ have to mean anything.”

 

Her hand snapped out. Fingers brushing the outside of his leather trousers. He stiffened. Exhaling sharply. She smiled, pressing harder. Stroking the supple leather. He could feel himself beginning to harden.

 

“Just a bit of fun. It can be _our secret_.”

 

And then he snapped. Grabbing her by the throat. Freezing her body with the Force, so she could not move. Registering the alarm in her eyes. He threw her backward watching as her tailbone slammed on the floor, hands suddenly able to move again, springing out to catch her fall.

 

“Leave.” He said for the final time. Voice menacing. “Or I’ll _make_ you leave.”

 

“Fine.” She snapped, sulkily. “Have it your way _Solo_. But the scavenger will never give you what you want.” She strode out slamming the door. Before he had time to react.

 

Once more alone, he strode to his bed and sat down, head in his hands, letting the images of Rey play over in his mind. Her face as she realised he was there watching her. The surprise in her eyes. The soft gasp that emerged from her small pink mouth. Pain confusion and longing all combined into one. Almost unconsciously his hand drifted down to his semi hard cock. As he recalled her face he gripped himself firmly, stroking slowly, then harder until his breath became ragged, and his wrist burned, knuckles bleeding, tears in his eyes. Through a veil of lust and pain, his muscles tensed uncontrollably and he came hard, unable to contain his audible groan. He shook, his orgasm a violent crescendo. One that quaked him to the core.

 

Afterwards, he stared at his reflection in the mirror in the corner of his room. He was a _mess_. Hands sticky, painful, covered in mixture of semen and blood. Hair sticking to his forehead. Sweaty, ragged. The salt crusted tracks of tears, glittering on his cheekbones. Face an unflattering shade of red.

 

Is this what Darth Vader had felt everyday after the death of his wife?

 

_Perhaps Luke had not been lying._

 

He wished it had been different. That he had left with her, Rey. Taking up her offer to abandon the First Order and the Resistance and run away together. But he had chosen his path, and now he sat, the Supreme Leader of a massive political organisation, surrounded by people he hated. Trying to change the galaxy, for the better.

 

But then, he recalled that there was one person, in the First Order, that he did not hate.

 

The maid. _Rina._

 

After showering and changing his clothes. He reached for the comm link on his desk. He contacted command.

 

_Mitaka, cancel my meetings for today and tell my maid to come to my quarters. We have a lot to talk about._

 

* * *

 

 

Rey sat in the empty Resistance canteen, grasping a glass of wine. Across from her Rose did not seem to be able to stop giggling. They were both more than a little drunk.

“So…” Rose said, slurring a little. “We told Ziff that the pretty girl from the med-bay likes him. Turns out, he likes her too. So we were encouraging him to make a move you know. And…” Rose lowered her voice. “Then, he admitted that he’d never kissed a girl before.”

“Oh.” Rey said, acknowledging she was listening.

“So, of course Poe offered to uh help him practice. But that just seemed to alarm him. So we ending up drinking some more before we realised he’d disappeared. And later that night me and Finn stumbled across him practicing on a _cleaning droid_ in the maintenance closet!” Rose said, giggling some more.

“So why were you and Finn exploring maintenance closets in the first place?” Rey teased.

“Well…” Rose waggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Not all of us have a nice cottage to _ourselves_ you know.”

_True_. Most of the Resistance were still living in shared dorms Rey realised.

“Not to myself.” She said, correcting Rose.  “Leia and Cai also live in the cottage.”

“I guess you and Poe have to be _really_ quiet then.” Rose laughed.

Rey rolled her eyes, and then with a sly smile nodded.

Rose giggled some more.

Everyone at the Resistance base knew each other's business anyway. Any illusion of privacy was a lie.

Rey stood up, head spinning, pouring herself another glass. A little shocked that Poe had offered to kiss Ziff for practice. By now she knew she should know better. That sensibilities were different on Jakku than on the core planets. And that whatever Poe's actions, his motives were always pure. He was generous, always wanting to help. One of the things Rey liked about him. And that spirit of adventure. His uninhibited nature, the direct truthful way he spoke. Rey felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she thought about him. She wondered where he was now. Suddenly overcome with the need to tell him secret dirty things that she would never even think of uttering when sober.

Up until recently, Rey had had little experience with alcohol. On Jakku it was expensive and rare and cost too many portions for her to even consider purchasing some. And it was dehydrating, not ideal on a desert planet, baking in the radiation of a ever-bright sun.

She had been offered some by off-worlders and traders, trying it out of curiosity but she was always cautious not to drink too much. The harshness of her existence had taught her that people always possess ulterior motives. More than once Unkar had broached the topic of her becoming a skin girl, attempting to tempt her with the promise of more portions. And Rey knew what could happen if she got drunk, losing her coordination with her staff. She definitely did not want to explore the possibilities.

But at the Resistance, there was no such threat and Rey was beginning to understand why people drank the bitter acidic liquid. Why they liked it. More than a few times, Rey had gotten a little intoxicated finding it brought out a previously undiscovered side to her. Where she was talkative. Perhaps even _fun_.

“I feel sorry for him. Ziff.” Rose said, interrupting her thoughts. “To be honest, Finn was the first guy I ever kissed. And I think I only had the confidence to do it, because I was pretty sure I was about to die. And I’d taken quite a knock to the head.”

Rey smiled. “Well, there wasn't really much room for romance on Jakku either. My first kiss wasn't until…”

“Wait, ...was it with him? _Kylo Ren_.” Rose said, shock and curiosity coloring her voice.

Rey nodded.

“So, _uh,_ what happened.” Rose said, too inebriated to maintain her usual polite silence concerning the subject.

Rey sighed. “ _Well_ , I was attempting to run away. After he’d captured me. But he found out. Came after me. But I had my saber, so I lit it, and we started to fight. I just wanted to incapacitate him, just for long enough to get away. I almost did. I managed to disarm him. I thought he’d surrender. But then he instead he reached out ...and _kissed_ me. I must have been an idiot. Because I actually kissed him back. And then, as soon as he knew I was distracted. He grabbed my saber. And then it was again _me_ who was at his mercy. All along he was only doing it, the kiss, to _win_.”

“Wow.” Rose breathed. “That’s hot. But also really messed up. No wonder you hate him.”

The strange thing was, Rey didn't. _Not after living inside his head for so long._

Rose leaned towards her, eyes serious. Suddenly grasping her hand. A plaintive look in her eyes. “Did he _make_ you, you know?’

Rey shook her head. “Sleep with him? No. That was my own stupid decision. I started to pity him. Luke had distrusted him, his parents ignored him. We started having visions of each other. Then, one night we touched hands through the Force and I saw a future, one where he turned back to the light. I guess I wanted to believe it. He captured me. Even manipulated me. But he never  _forced_ me." Rey said, sighing at the stupidity of her younger self. "It was all consensual.”

Rose nodded. “Well you escaped in the end!” She said, trying to sound optimistic.

“Yeah, carrying his secret love child.” Rey grimaced.

“And..? You don’t have to be ashamed of it, you know. You shouldn’t be. You slept together. So what? Shit happens. I know it wasn’t your intention to end up pregnant, but you love Cai.”

“I do.” Rey whispered. She loved him more than anything. But she feared she was not a good mother. Leia had been Cai’s real parent, caring for him while she ran off on missions, covert operations halfway across the galaxy.

“And you have Poe now.” Rose grinned. “Who despite of his airborne theatrics and dodgy Sabacc playing may actually be a half decent guy.”

Rey felt a small smile blooming on her face, widening until she could feel it tugging on the muscles of her cheeks. “Yes. I guess I do.”

They had been together for a number of months now, her and Poe. Autumn had given way to winter. And now the first signs of spring. Delicate buds forming on the trees, despite the stubborn snow which still stuck to the ground.

He was tentative at first, appearing at her door most evenings with flowers and charismatic smiles that hid a secret shyness. They would take walks together, and he would tell her about himself his life, his dream of a Galactic Republic where planets kept their own autonomy and everybody could be free. Unexpectedly Rey also found herself confiding in him. Telling him some stories of her past, however omitting the more unpleasant details. A closed book, slowly opening.

He also began to appear during the day. Playing with Cai, whose current interest was speeders. He would chatter with his half formed words, tracing impressionistic shapes into the paper that were meant to be her and Grandma Leia, while Poe watched patiently, smiling. Accepting of the boy despite of who he was. _What it meant._ And everyday Rey cared for him more, this impulsive charming pilot, until one night when she was sure Leia was sleeping in the other room she had taken him into her bed. Still clothed, they had lain together, quietly for a long time, Poe fingers stroking through her hair.

“Will it be different?” She asked. _Than with him._

“Yes.” Poe whispered. “I will never hurt you.”

Across from her Rose had begun talking about Finn again. He had recently been promoted to black squadron, his flying had apparently, really come on.

“I like it you know. Watching him.” Rose said. “His confidence has really improved. And you know it been reflecting in uh.. _the bedroom_.”

Rey laughed, not really knowing what to say. “Well I’m glad your happy. Finn’s a really good guy.”

Rose hiccuped a little, an unladylike smile from all the alcohol she’d been drinking. Her cheeks a bright shade of red. “So.” She said breaking the silence. “What was it like?”

“What was _what_ like?”

“Uh, the _sex_ .” Rose whispered, cheeks blushing red. “With _Kylo Ren_. I can’t believe that you have slept with the Supreme Leader of the First Order.” She giggled.

Rey shrugged. Unsure what to think about Rose’s interest. “I don’t know.”

“Well, was it good? Like, did he _please_ you…” Rose whispered over-dramatically.

Rey sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yes. I guess ...it was good.” There was no point in lying. “I don’t think he had any particular talent of any sort, in that area though.” She added, an attempt to dissuade any memory, any guilt. “We just uh… happened to share a connection through the Force.”

She then tried to explain the feeling of intimacy shared through a Force bond to Rose. The way it enhanced everything, every touch, creating a euphoric, shimmering, chaotic jumble of sensation, that simultaneously sang through their respective bodies.

Rose mouth opened, slightly ajar. “So you felt everything he felt? Whoa that sounds trippy.”

“I guess it was.” Rey said shrugging. She no longer thought about it. Their intimate moments together. It was all in the past now.

“So.” Rose said conspiratorially. “Was it better with him than with Poe?”

Rey didn’t want to answer Rose’s question, but her hesitation seemed to have already provided one.

“Wow.” Rose said. “That must be rough.”

Rey laughed. “No it’s _fine_. Poe is great in other ways.” Where Kylo Ren was manipulative and closed off, Poe was sociable, friendly, a good listener. She felt happy with him, light. Everything was not a battle, a battle for control.

Poe was gentle. In a way that Kylo Ren had never been.

Just then, as Rose reached over the table, stumbling slightly, grabbing at the almost empty bottle of wine, the door to the canteen slid open.

And there on the threshold stood Finn, a wild, frenetic look in his eyes. He was breathing heavily.

“Come quickly.” He said, gasping. “The General. Leia. She just collapsed.”

Rey sprung up as fast as she could after consuming a whole bottle of wine. They raced through the narrow corridors of the Resistance base under the dull flicker of halcyon lights, Rey’s lungs burning.

After what seemed like an age, they arrive at the Leia's office. The door opened. A number of medics already at the scene.

“She’d been working late.” Finn said flatly, to no one in particular, as they stood in the stagnant air and Rey stared down, looking upon the body of General Leia Organa, pale, contorted and completely still.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4000 words. What? It was both a joy and a struggle to write this chapter. I apologise for some of my imagery. I know it can be kinda grotesque. But I'd rather write something gritty and true to character than something beautiful.
> 
>  
> 
> [ My Writing Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/almalino/playlist/1TBt67hFnAhPqvKzhzZFec)


	5. The Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kylo train pain train is entering the station. Again.

_When he feels the living Force leave her body something inside of him breaks._

_He howls, stumbling to the floor, clutching for something to hold on to, but the space around him is empty, cold marble and utilitarian steel. Devoid of possessions, just as his life is devoid of meaning._

_Mother. He breathes to the empty air._

_Only silence answers him._

_Kylo screams, a guttural sound emerging from his throat. His screams echo through the room, and he continues, until his throat is raw, needing there to be sound, even if it is only his own voice, to block out the emptiness, the nothingness, he feels inside._

_Loneliness consumes him. He curls into a ball and rocks, the hard floor punishing against his knees. Until finally the fight leaves him and he collapses, sleep taking him, if only for a few hours._

_When he wakes, the pain is still there, welcoming him, taunting him. Punishment for all his sins. He wipes at his fragile tears, and pulls out his saber, destroying every piece of furniture in his room._

_His armoire becomes a pile of smoking wood along with all the clothes inside, his quilt and pillows an explosion of feathers and charred linen. His calligraphy set, once his most treasured possession, lies in pieces on the floor. He wants to stop, but now the destruction has begun it is as if he is possessed, intent on erasing every detail, any remainder of the past._

_He is a black hole, matter collapsing under the weight of gravity._

_When there is nothing left, every object annihilated, he lets the lightsaber slip through his fingers, clattering to the floor and he strikes the wall until the scars on his fists tear and reopen, because at least the pain is a distraction. More tears come and he chokes. Images playing over and over in his head. Memories. His mother reading him bedtime stories. Kissing his wounds after a fight, holding his hand the first time he traveled through space, enraptured by the size and majesty of the galaxy. The smallness of himself. His mother dragging him in front of the senate. His mother tearfully saying goodbye to him the day he went to train with Luke. His mother telling him that Darth Vader was his Grandfather, after the scandal. The sadness is his mother’s eyes after…_

_No… No, no. He strikes the wall, needing to hate her. But he can’t. She was always the one, the one who never saw the dark in him, the one he could not help but love._

_He can't stop it. The pain. He doubles over, sliding to the ground. Hacking coughs tearing at his lungs as he inhales the smoke from the burned wreckage he just inflicted._

_The door behind him opens, and Rina, his maid walks in. Uttering an expletive in shock._

_“What the kriffing hell!” She gasps, frozen, horrified at the cataclysm before her. Likely envisioning the horrific prospect of cleaning up the scene of abject devastation before her._

_“My mother is dead.” He says, voice hollow. “I felt it ...in the Force.”_

_“Oh.” Rina says, still not recovered from the sight before her. Her mouth a wide O._

_Kylo pushes himself to his feet, tripping slightly, coughing. He rushes towards her, eyes wild, covered in ash. Aware of how deranged he looks._

_He grabs her hand. “Rina.”_

_He can sense her fear. How she longs to run from him._

_“Back on your home planet you have friends, friends with connections in the Resistance. Don't you?”_

_Alarm patterns her face. “My... my allegiance is with the First Order. Sir…”_

_“No.” He cries, desperate. “I’m not doubting your loyalty. But I need you to be honest, please. Please...”_

_Rina’s pupils shift from side to side. She takes a shaky breath. “I maybe have a friend or two, who could know something where the Resistance is involved. But surely the First Order already has spies.”_

_“No one I can trust.” He pushes his head into his hands, raking his fingers through his tangled curls. “Could you talk to them? I need to know where the Resistance are, where the funeral is. To say goodbye to her.” An involuntary tear slides down his cheekbone running into the hollow of his cheek._

_Rina’s expression looks tortured as if she is trapped between secrecy and duty._

_“I’ll see what I can do.” She murmurs retreating. “But I can’t promise anything.”_

_Kylo nods._

_“Noone else in the First Order can know.”_

_“Of course.” She replies. “I wouldn’t…”_

_He holds her gaze for a few moments, managing a weak smile. A new trust passing between them._

_“Thank you.” He mutters. “For everything.”_

 

_And for once he means it._

 

* * *

 

Snow coated the ground, a perfect ethereal white. The occasional snowflake seldom falling. A spring snow. Rey felt it should be warmer, but spring arrived late in the mountains, or at least that was what the other members of the Resistance told her.

 

It crunched beneath Rey's boots as she stood by the copse where everyone had gathered to say their goodbyes. She tugged at her borrowed black clothes, feeling heavy with a grief that was slowly drowning her. She wasn't even sure if it was her _own_.

 

Beside her Cai stood clutching her hand. Dressed in little brown boots and his green coat. A pretty blue cap Rose had knitted covering his thick tangle of curls. It had been too short notice to find him anything black. Especially as there were no other children at the Resistance base to borrow clothes from.

 

The news of Leia Organa’s death had caused a ripple through the Galaxy. The sky of Dandoran alive and humming with the foreign space crafts of Senators and dignitaries and old Rebellion Veterans, all come to pay their respects. Despite it being early still, the clearing where the funeral was to take place was already full of people, so many people. More bodies she had seen gathered together for a long time.

 

_It was visible. How much Leia had been loved._

 

Beside her, Poe shifted uncomfortably. “All this travel, all these people. It's too conspicuous.” He whispered, a worried look in his eyes.

 

“It’ll be fine.” She whispered back. “It's not as if Dandoran's unpopulated.”

 

There were smugglers in the forests here, small settlements. Just not in the mountains where the Resistance had settled, with the thin air and bitter cold. Still, Rey understood Poe's concern. All these visitors. It _was_ risky. If the First Order detected a change in traffic along the hyperspace routes, they could decide to investigate, putting everyone in danger. Rey looked at Poe giving him a weak albeit reassuring smile. Everything would be _okay._  The First Order would not ruin this day.

 

Rey closed her eyes, attempting to find her centre. A calm well in the Force. But instead she felt something different. Somewhere in the galaxy Kylo Ren was in _horrible_ _pain_.

 

She pushed the thought of him from her mind.

 

At her side, a sticky hand grabbed at her stocking clad thigh. “Mama, I’m hungry.” Cai wailed, looking chilly and annoyed. His face was red, bitten by the cold.

 

Rey fished a bottle of blue milk out of her knapsack and some slices of fruit. Cai opted for the fruit, shoving too big pieces in his mouth which he tried to swallow with as little chewing as possible. He looked disoriented. He wasn't used to this many people.

 

She'd tried to explain to him what had happened the previous night. He wouldn't stop asking ' _Where’s Grandma Leia?_ ’ insistently, causing tears to form in Rey’s eyes, a stiff lump in her throat.

 

“Grandma’s gone.” Rey had whispered hoarsely.

 

“How Mama, how is she gone?” He had kept asking her, and Rey had not known what to say. Yet he had continued asking her, a strange intelligence in his young eyes, until she was forced to tell him.

 

“She _died_ Cai. Grandma Leia. She was old, and her body stopped working.”

 

What she told Cai was partly true. Maybe not the old age part. Leia had only been fifty six. Not old by human standards - _well, maybe on Jakku,_ but no one survived long there.

 

It had been an aneurysm. A blood clot in her brain, that had led to a sub-cranial hemorrhage that had killed her. She had complained of headaches that past week, but everybody had been busy, preoccupied by Resistance business, everyday tasks. Even Leia had dismissed her symptoms as tiredness. And now…

 

“So where is she now Mama?”

 

“Well sweetie, her body is still here, but it's still, inert. Like she's sleeping. Tomorrow we’ll say goodbye to her and then burn her body. But her spirit, the _Force_ inside her, it's gone somewhere else. Somewhere beautiful where there is no pain. Only happiness.”

 

Cai looked up, scrutinizing her with his baby face. “Mama, will I have the Force someday?” He lisped.

 

“Everyone has the Force, sweetie.”

 

“No, but like you Mama. I want to make things fly.”

 

“Maybe.” Rey whispered quietly. _Maybe_. But secretly she hoped not.

 

_She wanted him to have a normal life._

 

Back in the snowy clearing, the funeral was beginning. There were no chairs to spare so everybody stood, heads bowed solemnly in respect while an Alderaanian hymn played to commemorate Leia's heritage, her early life.

 

Then began the speeches. First Kaydel took to the podium, to talk about how Leia had made the Resistance a home for her, and the story of how she had overcome adversity when her parentage had become public knowledge, transitioning from a senator to the leader of the Resistance. Rey did not know Kaydel well, and the girl had treated her especially coldly since she had begun dating Poe, but she could not help but be moved by Connix’s heartfelt words.

 

_Leia really had been more than just a leader. She had become a mother to them all._

Next Poe began to speak. There was an unspoken consensus that he would be the new leader of the Resistance. He’d always been political. Outspoken, passionate and a good strategist, but hotheaded, unpredictable. Since Crait however, he’d become more careful, choosing lives over short-term victories. Growing into the leader the Resistance needed. Needed now Leia was  _gone._

“Well.., first off I want to say, me and Leia had our differences. She wanted to keep everyone alive and I, well, I just wanted to blow things up. But of course Leia was right when she would say ‘ _Poe Dameron, get your head out of your cockpit_ !’ She always knew what the right thing to do was. She was a fantastic General, never at fault. And a great politician. Well, actually, I think we all know she was a talented woman, with a _great_ many skills. For instance, in another life I can imagine her being quite the cage fighter. That woman had a _mean_ right hook.”

The congregation laughed and Poe continued his eulogy. Rey zoned out, no longer listening. A volatile melancholy consuming her. She felt not only sad, but also _angry_. Leia had been the only thing close to a mother Rey had ever known, and now she had gone, leaving her alone, lost in the world. Devoid of purpose. No lightsaber, and a perpetually sticky child Rey still did not feel qualified to raise. It had been Leia who had played with Cai, comforted him, kissing his boo-boos better, rocking him when he cried. All while Rey stood in the corner having no idea what to do with a crying, runny-nosed infant. Unable to speak properly, with strange blank eyes. A whole world still to absorb, to experience.

_It's easier the second time round_. Leia would smile. Quickly calming Cai’s distressed cries. Humming old lullabies until he calmed, falling asleep in her arms.

_Well, it was just the two of them now._ Rey thought, feeling strangely alone.

Poe's speech ended, being met with polite recognition, and he was succeeded by an elderly man, dark skinned, holding an ornate cane. He wore a charcoal cape, accented with a sky blue feathered trim and the rest of his clothing was correspondingly flamboyant, a mourning suit of soft charcoal and grey’s but accented with myriad of blue, navy's, ceruleans and cobalts. As he approached the podium, Rey heard both murmurs both of admiration and displeasure. This man was obviously some sort of big-shot.

But Rey had to admit he _owned_ that cape. It was a rare individual who could wear such an outfit and pull it off. Luke’s old grey cloak had made him look exactly like the disgruntled hermit he had slowly become. And Kylo Ren’s cape, well, it wasn’t particularly attractive. Cape’s in general, for that matter, but not on this man. He was an exception. Rey watched as he turned, facing the attendants.

_“Lando Calrissian!”_ someone hissed in a familiar tone and Rey spotted Maz among the throng of people, giving her a weak smile. Maz smiled back, surveying Cai at her side with both interest and puzzlement. Rey knew she would have some explaining to do later.

 _  
_ “I met Leia, through a shared acquaintance of ours.” Lando smiled. “One Han Solo. Lost my Corellian Freighter to him in a game of Sabacc. The Falcon. Never was there a greater ship…” Lando cleared his throat. “Anyway when I met Leia, my first thought was obviously that Han was punching way above his weight. The smuggler and the Princess. Well…” Lando laughed and continued talking about how Leia had killed the infamous Jabba the Hutt, strangling him with her chains, after she was captured trying to free Han after he was frozen in carbonite. __Leia had definitely had her fair share of adventures._ _ Rey, thought to herself.

 

"Mama." Cai tugged at the hem of her dress, desperately seeking her attention. She picked him up. He had grown heavy in the past few months and she could feel the strain in her arms. But Rey was strong. He grabbed at a tendril of her hair, his eyelids drooping, falling asleep at her breast. She let him nestle again her, grateful for his warmth.

Then as Lando’s speech ended, it was Rey’s turn.

Poe reached out for Cai, but Rey shook her head holding him close. She was sick of hiding her child. No longer caring what people thought, who knew. Maybe then Resistance supporters would stop asking why she was not training new Jedi.

She walked across through the throng of attendants, up to the podium. Holding her sleeping son close. Ignoring the stares she received. She cleared her throat. Nervous.

“Leia was… she was like a mother to me. I was. I ...am, no one. Just a, a ...scavenger from Jakku, who happened to be in the wrong place at right time. I found a droid, BB-8, on the way to Niima outpost. A Teedo had captured him, wanted the droid for parts. I freed him, and agreed to get him back to his master, Poe, because I guess, ...I guess it was the right thing to do. I didn't know he was carrying a map to Skywalker. Only that BB-8 was lost. And then suddenly the First Order came and I was running, alone in space on a stolen ship with no idea what I was doing. It was only really when I met Leia that…”

And then suddenly Rey's mind was consumed by anger, rage and a sadness so overwhelming, so consuming that she struggled to breathe. She clung on to Cai using her free hand to grab the podium to stabilise herself, keep herself standing, a choking sob emitting from her throat. _A sob that wasn’t hers._

She stiffened, mid-sentence choking. Then closed her eyes, forcing herself to concentrate. Until her mind was free, again her _own._ She didn’t took a deep breath, staring at the crowd. Not knowing if to panic.

He was here on Dandoran. _Kylo_. She had felt it just now. His Force signature so strong it blazed, a strange electricity burning her skin. That meant that the First Order could be here. Ready to subdue the Resistance once and for all. She began to panic, anxiety filling her. But suddenly her thoughts were interrupted.

_No. It’s just me. I swear._ Came the voice fraught with sorrow and pain, inside her mind.

Rey shivered, forcing herself to continue. The crowd was beginning to murmur. She wiped a tear from her eye, hoping her strange behaviour would be rationalized as grief. She spoke quickly, succinctly, wrapping her speech up quicker than she planned. Then melted back into the congregation as another hymn was played. Inside of finding Poe however, she worked her way to the back of gathered crowd, then exited into the trees.

She was still holding Cai, who miraculously still slept as she walked briskly through the forest. She could have given him to Poe before she left, but she knew he or someone, would grow suspicious of her erratic behaviour. And she didn’t want anyone following her. Not when she would be leading them to him. The Supreme Leader of the First Order. Kylo Ren.

She looked at Cai, his sweet sleeping face, mouth just like his fathers.

_Maybe it was time he knew._ Rey thought as she continued to follow the Force. A blazing trail that led to him.

The man she had once loved. _Kylo Ren_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reunion is in store! Hopefully you guys liked this chapter. I don't know if it's any good cause i'm doing a cleanse right now and I literally can't think straight. So hangry. And dizzy. #f**kingwesternbeautystandards
> 
>  
> 
> [ My Writing Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/almalino/playlist/1TBt67hFnAhPqvKzhzZFec)
> 
>  
> 
> Also I have a [Tumblr](https://alliedreamsofthesea.tumblr.com/) where I write bad poetry.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is a bit of an idiot. Rey feels conflicted.

 

_Dandoran. The Resistance had been on Dandoran all this time?_

 

White knuckled, Kylo gripped the throttle of his command shuttle. Decelerating after the hyperspace jump. He halted before the planet with a thud, being thrown backwards in his seat. He swore, knowing he should have eased the controls more slowly. He hadn’t slept much in the past few days and seemingly, it was affecting his flying.

 

He rubbed his dry eyes, removing stray particles of sleep and grit. When Rina had informed him the funeral was to be held on Dandoran, he had been surprised. He’d expected them to retreat to one of their old Rebel bases, not some smuggler stronghold on the edge of Hutt space. Not that Kylo had been looking. He had decided he was done with the Resistance that day on Crait. As the new Supreme Leader he hadbigger problems to worry about. But here he was, hanging just out of orbit of the small planet, observing it's migrating clouds, fertile land and cobalt seas.

 

Around a hundred ships hung above Dandoran's northern hemisphere, floating in the vacuum of space, landing crafts detaching, breaching the atmosphere. All these visitors. They were here for her. His _mother._ A pang of sorrow and guilt hit him, and he coughed trying to suppress the strangled sound in his throat. Emptiness consuming him. He hadn't killed her, which somehow made it harder. She had _chosen_ to leave him too soon, a cruelness that he could not abide. Yet he still blamed himself, sorrow and pain metastasizing inside him like a tumour. Growing and spreading. Threatening to overwhelm him.

 

Apart from Rina, he not not told anyone of his mother's death. He knew that he should, that the First Order would gain power through the news of her demise. But he could not handle seeing her face on First Order propaganda broadcasts. Posters that branded her as a terrorist, commemorating her passing as a great victory.

 

So instead he pretended nothing was wrong. It was painful, going about his life. The first day he screamed at two radar technicians, striking a wall with his saber, inadvertently destroying a cooling module and rendering a whole sanitation block aboard the Supremacy II uninhabitable. Luckily, nobody bothered to question his behavior, or think it was out of character. He destroyed things a lot, Kylo thought to himself. He had never realised to what extent before.

 

On the eve of the funeral he announced he was going on a diplomatic mission to Hux and that he would return the following evening. Meanwhile, asking Mitaka which were his favourite brothels on Coruscant, aware that the man spied for Hux. With a false trail set up and the knowledge Hux was unlikely to tail him to a brothel, he set off. _For Dandoran._

 

His command shuttle entered the atmosphere of the planet smoothly and descended, Kylo at the last minute engaging his thrusters. He did not need a map to know where to land. He could feel her. _Rey._ The Force around her _magnetic_ , drawing him in. Disembarking the Command Shuttle, he ran through the mountainous terrain, a scant layer of snow crunching beneath his feet. Every step drawing him closer.

 

As he neared, he began picking up the Force signatures of other people. So dim compared to hers. _Rey’s._  A supernova amongst tiny suns. He forced himself to slow to a walk. He had to say goodbye to his mother, but he knew what would happen if he turned up, at a Resistance function, alone. Armed with only a saber. He could be captured, shot. Luckily he was not in his First Order garb, just some trousers, a charcoal sweater and a battered leather surcoat, having in his sorrow, destroyed all his other clothes. And today, with everyone wearing black, he blended in. _Still_ , he stopped as he approached the clearing that was crammed with people, hanging back by the tree line. He searched the crowd for Rey, but he could not see her. There were too many bodies blocking his sight.

 

He watched as a dark skinned man in a cape talked about his mother. _Lando,_ he thought to himself, remembering that face from his childhood. One of his father's friends. He had helped him with his starship racing enterprise. He stood watching the crowd as Lando’s speech ended and a girl holding a toddler approached the podium. Her face obscured by the crowd. He watched as she coughed unsure, taking a deep breath. She began to speak, her voice familiar.

 

“Leia was… she was like a mother to me. I was. I ...am, no one. Just a, a ...scavenger from Jakku.”

 

 _Rey?_ His stomach did an involuntary somersault. It had been so long. But what was she doing holding a child?

 

Kylo cursed silently, feeling himself come undone. A fiery anger overwhelming him. The child. Not _only_ had the pilot stolen Rey from him, but he had knocked her up too.

 

His lip began to tremble, body shaking with an unsupressable volatility. He had never stopped thinking about her, _Rey_ , the possibility of seeing her again. But now he knew it was futile. Her future was defined by the child, Poe’s child. He would never _have_ her.

 

Sadness welled up inside him, uncontrollable and dark, eating through his thoughts. Suddenly Rey stiffened. _She felt it too._ His sorrow, his loss, tearing at the walls of her mind that had been closed off for so long. She had sensed his presence. Knew he was here. He sensed the panic in her mind, the fear the First Order would come.

 

 _No. It’s just me. I swear._ He thought through the bond, feeling a wave of relief, tinged with a familiar mistrust.

 

But he could not do this anymore. See her, with that child. Heartbroken he ran. Closing off his mind to her. Away from the funeral. From his mother's body. The running, the exercise, heart pounding, muscles straining, giving him the mental clarity he needed.

 

Finally reaching his command shuttle he stopped, breath coming in heavy pants. Regarding the metal bulk of his ship, he felt overcome with guilt, desperation. He had come to say goodbye to his mother and what had he done, encountered Rey and fled tail beneath his legs.

 

_He couldn't just leave._

 

So instead he stood on icy ground and waited.

 

_She would come._

 

He knew it.

 

* * *

 

Rey ran through the forest, breath catching, the cold air burning her lungs. It was an odd sort of jog. Running in her borrowed black dress and ridiculous shoes, Cai in asleep in her arms. She could feel blisters forming, as the shoes pinched her heels, chafed her toes. She ran until she could feel Ren close, his Force signature blazing like a star. Her arms aching, forehead slick with sweat. She still trained daily, but she was not a strong as she once had been, a life of decent food and domesticity blunting her old desert sharpness.

 

She dragged the sleeve of her coat across her forehead wiping away the perspiration.The adrenaline from the run flowing from her veins, mingling with the paralyzing shock she felt. She forced herself to take a step, then another, walking quietly towards the man causing the raging inferno in her mind. 

 

The trees began to thin and suddenly she was on the edge of a grassy glade. Each blade coated in frost. Before her was a First Order command shuttle. And ... _him._  Kylo Ren.

 

Rey clung Cai to like a shield.

 

 _He can't hurt me. Not with the child._ She thought, as ice filled her veins.

 

Ren stood a few metres in the clearing. His back to her. But as she approached he stiffened. He had known she would come.

 

“You came.”

 

“Yes.”

 

He stared at her for a long time, not speaking. Rey regarded him back. Eyes unwavering, a pained feeling gnawing at her stomach. He looked ...older. Thinner, his face unshaven, hair unruly and long. Dark circles under his eyes. From his thoughts, his appearance, Rey could tell that he had not taken Leia's death well.

 

Finally, tearing his eyes from hers, he spoke, his tone cold.

 

“How long has it been?”

 

“Almost three years.” She whispered.

 

He pressed his lips together eyes moving down her body, stopping at the infant in her arms. The frigid air, charged with emotion. Sorrow. Confusion. Rage. He frowned, taking a deep breath, scowling.

 

“I’ve never seen you wear a dress before.” He said flatly.

 

“I don't own anything black. So I had to borrow something.” She replied. “Look, Kylo, _the child_. I never meant…”

 

“I don't want to hear about the pilot’s child.” He snarled. Voice rising. Blood rushing to his cheeks. His gloved hands shook, momentarily reaching for the saber at his hip, before curling into fists. Face pained from the restraint he was attempting to exert.

 

 _The pilot's child?_ Poe _._ He thought the child was Poe's. With his blank sleeping face and black curls covered, Cai could easily be mistaken as his, she guessed. Ren knew about them, she and Poe, from that night long ago when they had first kissed and distracted, she had let him in.

 

She wanted to correct him. Tell him that Cai was not Poe’s. That he was in fact _his_. But something about him, his visceral anger, his haunted expression, scared her. He looked like a caged animal about to snap. Lip trembling, the Force around him crackling with static.

 

“Fine.” She snapped instead, her expression hardening.

 

“You moved on quickly.” He said derisively, taking a step toward her. "And with the Resistance pilot of all people. I thought it would've been that traitor FN-2187. You always seemed to have a soft spot for him, but I guess I was mistaken.”

 

“I guess so.” Rey said flatly. Lost for words.

 

“You even had his child.” He continued, voice rising. “And not long after you left me on the Supremacy it seems.” Ren said, looking genuinely hurt. “Did what happened between us, really mean that little to you?”

 

 _No_ , she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him that what happened between them had inadvertently changed her life. Giving her Cai, a child she loved more than anything in the world. She wanted to tell him that she did not regret it. Because out of it came a beautiful thing. Because, with Cai, she is no longer alone. At long last she had a family. But instead she emptied her face of all emotion. Staring at him blankly.

 

“What happened between us was a _mistake_.”

 

Behind her in the distance a number of trees spontaneously snapped, falling with a sonorous crack to the ground. Wind echoing with the sound. Ren turned to look at her, wounded.

 

“That’s not how you felt when it was happening.” He hissed.

 

“I was your prisoner. You couldn't possibly imagine what I was feeling.” She said looking at him. Recalling their time together opened a void within her. She didn't like to think about it. That dark time in her life. Abandoning the Resistance, being captured by Ren.

 

_She had been so lost._

 

“I let you go.” Ren protested. “Even _bought_ you a transport _._ You could have left. Instead you came to me _willingly_.”

 

“And then you changed your mind and delivered me to Snoke.” Rey cried.

 

 _“_ You _betrayed_ me! Spying for the Resistance.”

 

Rey rubbed her eyes in tiredness, Cai heavy in her arms. She did not want to argue with him.

 

“I never swore any allegiance to you Ren.” Her voice broke, a solitary tear escaping her pupil, slowing painting a trail across her face. “Please, please understand that.”

 

Ren paused, looking into her eyes as if seeing her for the first time. “No. No you didn't. You didn't deserve ...what I did to you. I shouldn't have brought you, to him. To Snoke.”

 

Rey took a deep breath, attempting to regain her composure. She had not expected him to admit any wrongdoing.

 

“But Snoke is _dead_ now. And I guess that's a good thing.”

 

Ren nodded.

 

“So is it all you wanted. Being the Supreme Leader? The whole of the First Order, yours.”

 

Rey watched as his eyes shifted shifted from side to side, expression pained. But he did not reply.

 

“I guess I should thank you. For the most part, you’ve left the Resistance alone.” She continued.

 

 Strangely, support was growing for the First Order, especially in the last year or so. They had killed the majority of the Hutt crime syndicates and rumor had it that they were behind the deaths of several prominent slave traders also. On top of that they were providing people with food, resources. In return for their support, _of course_. Some of the Resistance, were even beginning to question why they were fighting the First Order now that...

 

“The Resistance is decentralised nowadays. Annihilating you wouldn’t eliminate any of my problems. Plus I, I ...couldn’t, I wouldn’t.” Ren said, voice cracking on the last syllable.

 

“Leia.” Rey whispered. _He could never bring himself to harm her. His mother._

 

“How, how did it happen. How did she die?” Ren choked. _There are tears in his eyes._ “I need to know.”

 

“An aneurysm.” Rey whispered. “In her brain. It was sudden. None of us caught it in time.”

 

She watched as Kylo raked his fingers through his hair a tortured expression painted on his face. “She was still young.” He cried. “Too young.”

 

Rey watched as he kicked at the ground, face breaking.

 

“I’ve lost everything Rey. My father. My mother. _You._ It seems funny."He said. “How ruling the whole galaxy, can't seem to compare. It feels like a consolation prize.”

 

Feelings, of pain and conflict, possessed Rey. She could taste his pain, acid sharp on her tongue. Part of her wanted to comfort him. Tell him that everything would be alright, but the rational part of her couldn't help but to think back to all the people he had hurt.

 

“You didn't lose me Ren. I ran away from you. _Why_ are telling me this anyway?"

 

The bottom of his lip twitched, forming a smirk. A frightening contrast to his tormented face. “Didn't we a long time ago, promise not to lie to each other.”

 

Rey nodded slowly.

 

“I wish I’d taken you up on it.” He said, taking another step towards her. “When you told me we could leave together, run away. From both the First Order and the Resistance. Live out the rest of our lives. Just us.”

 

A strange sadness stirred inside her but Rey ignored it, shaking her head. “I just wanted to save my friends.” She whispered.

 

“Well, they escaped. So, are you _happy_?”

 

“Luke _didn't.”_ She said, voice tinged with sadness.

 

Ren swallowed, choosing not to reply. Instead he focused his gaze upon Cai.

 

“Does he make you happy. The pilot?”

 

Rey nodded.

 

“Do you. ...Do you  _love_ him?”

 

She looked at him, hesitating. “Yes.” She said finally. Not knowing if her admission was entirely true.

 

“Did you love me? Because I loved…”

 

“I don’t want to hear it Ren.” Rey snapped. She did not want to feel this way, as if her heart was being torn in three directions. “It doesn't _matter_ now anyway.”

 

Ren took a final step towards her, closing the space between them.

 

“Tell me Rey, tell me truthfully that didn't care about me. That you don't. Look me in the eye.”

 

Rey stared up at him, meeting his gaze, her expression hard, set with determination. “I…” She began, but she could not get her mouth to form the words. She turned away, looking at her feet.

 

But then, before she had to react Ren grabbed her jaw, turning her face, towards him. Covered her mouth with his. She gasped out of surprise and then his lips were between hers, crushing, wild, needy. A desperate kiss. Rey froze with surprise, surprise at the strange hunger it awoke in her, how her body seemed to react to his fingers brushing her skin, the living Force around them cresting and shimmering. Combining together. All of her senses betraying her.

 

If it wasn't for Cai still lying in her arms, separating them, she would have crushed herself to him. Wanting to feel the Force, electric and living across her skin. But the thought of her son, made her step backwards. Pulling away from his embrace.

 

“You hurt my friends. I can't forgive that.” She choked as Ren stared at her, colour high in his cheeks.

 

“Rey.” He began but was suddenly distracted by….

 

 _People._ She could sense the force signatures of her friends. They were getting closer. Close enough now that she could hear voices calling _Rey!_ in the distance. The soft echo of footsteps.

 

“I’m leaving.” She whispered. “ _Go._ Go before they find you here.”

 

Ren looked at her, conflict and sadness coloring his face.

 

“Live your little life Rey.” He said with resignation, as he walked away from her towards his command shuttle. “Don't worry, I won't stop you.”

 

And then she was running, towards the voices. Pushing away her scattered thoughts.

 

“Rey.” Finn's voice echoed as he finally spotted her. Behind him were Poe and Rose, both looking anxious. However their attentions turned to the sky, as the sound of engines filled the air, Ren’s command shuttle shooting through the atmosphere.

 

Rose eyes widen. “What in porgs name? Isn't that Kylo Ren’s space craft?"

 

Rey nodded. Feeling numb. Frozen.

 

“Are you okay?” Poe said anxiously. “Did he hurt you?”

 

Rey shook her head.

 

“He’s upset about his mother. That’s why he came.”

 

“You sensed him?” Finn said.

 

She looked at him and nodded. Sometimes she realised Finn seemed to know her better than she knew herself. It scared her a little.

 

“Shit.” Poe said. “We’re going to have to move on. Dandoran isn't safe anymore”

 

“Poe.” Rey said. “I don't think he wants to, uh destroy us. From what he said.”

 

“Well i’m not waiting for him to change his mind. Regardless, if he knows our location, he’s likely to install someone to come and spy. That’s what I would do anyway, if I was in his position. Tonight we say goodbye to Leia, then tomorrow we have to leave."

 

Rey nodded, stomach twisting with a feeling a loss.

 

In her arms Cai suddenly woke, startled, and began to cry.

 

 

* * *

 

That afternoon, they burned her body. It was the Jedi way, Poe told her. Though Leia was never a Jedi. The Force had been strong with her.

 

“At some point I’ll take her ashes to Chandrila. That’s where Leia's home was.”

 

Rey nodded. Imagining Leia with her family, happy. Before everything had gone wrong…

 

She lay her head against Poe’s shoulder. “Wherever she is now. I hope she’s happy. At peace."

 

Poe, leant towards her kissing her forehead. “I _know_ she is.”

 

Later when they were in bed, covers wrapped around them, She turned to Poe, propping herself up with one elbow and looking into his eyes.

 

“You know. He thinks the child is yours. _Ren_.”

 

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Really? Well — I guess that's a good thing.”

 

Rey nodded. “I feel guilty.” She said. “For not telling him about his son. I guess I was just scared about how he would react.”

 

Poe wrapped his arms around her. “If it was any other man, I would tell you that you were right to feel guilty. That is was unjust not to tell him. But it’s _Kylo Ren_. He’s not earnt it, being a father. You were right not to tell him.”

 

Rey nodded stiffly. There was no right and wrong here. Just a pain in her heart and a convoluted mess.

 

Poe leaned into her further, kissing Rey's neck. “Rey.” he whispers his mouth against her ear. “As far as I’m concerned, he’s my son. I want you to know that I will love and care for him just as I would for any genetic child of mine.”

 

“I know. You _already_ do.”

 

Rey felt a sudden surge of love for Poe. One like she had never previously experienced. If she was uncertain if she loved him before, she no longer was. A crazy smile patterned her face and she leant down to kiss him.

 

“I love you Poe Dameron.” She whispered. “More than you know it.”

 

“Who couldn't love me.” He chuckled. “I’m irresistible.”

 

“And massively bigheaded.”

 

Rey grabbed the pillow from behind her and swatted it playfully at Poe’s head. She swung again harder, giggling, but this time Poe grabbed her hand stopping her, pressing his mouth hungrily to her lips. She returned his kisses, excitement growing as they deepened, Poe slowly peeling away her night clothes, her hands in his curls, sighing as he patterned her body with kisses, painting a trail from her jaw to her stomach, and then lower, between her thighs.

 

Later as they both lay curled together, Poe drifting to sleep, she looked up at the ceiling and laughed, a short bright sound.

 

She had never expected her life to turn out like this. But despite everything, she was unmistakably happy that it had.

 

_So why was it then that she still felt Ren’s kiss, like a brand burning into her lips?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late. I accidentally deleted all my edits (because i'm an idiot), then had to re-do them. :(
> 
> I'm sorry if i'm a bit of a tease or if I clickbaited anyone with the promise of Cai's parentage being revealed to Ren, but he _will_ find out in the next three chapters. Also Poe and Rey will break up. I promise. Shit's gonna hit the fan in chapter 8 and 9. Like HIIIIT the fan. I just have a plot and it's slow-burn etc. etc. (excuses). The first 10 chapters/ part 1 is just the set up. I have a feeling this fic will be long.
> 
> Also I further apologise for their reunion not being fluffy. I just can't write fluff. And I don't think it would be realistic, (like do what you want in AU's) but in 'in universe' fics, Ren is a bad guy who _has_ killed people, conflict or no conflict. So though Rey is attracted to him, she does have a moral dilemma. Being on the light side and all. This fic is my attempt at a morally acceptable redemption, but Ren has a lot of redemption to do.
> 
> I'm british. I apologise a lot. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ My Writing Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/almalino/playlist/1TBt67hFnAhPqvKzhzZFec)


	7. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lil’ trigger warning to anyone reading this. This chapter touches on the topic of depression, grief and suicidal thoughts and stuff. Proceed with care.

Rina sat at the smooth ebony table that resided in the Supreme Leader’s quarters, clutching a steaming cup of caf. Regarding the wide array of food before her.

 

The table was heavy with platters overflowing with fruit and croissants. Mounds of steaming nuna eggs and cured bantha, along with pitchers of juice, caf and blue milk. All for only the two of them.

 

When she had first begun having these breakfast meetings with Kylo Ren, she could not help but stare at all the food. Mouth agape. It would likely cost a year of her wages, a feast like this. She thought about her daughter, Roo at home, chewing on tasteless ration bars. She imagined her tasting this opulent fare. How her tiny face would light up, back on Taris. A thousand Parsecs away.

 

_She missed her._

 

Regardless, she was lucky to have work. Especially with the recent pay rise Ren had given her for _advising_ him.

 

She still wasn't sure what her role was. Each morning she sat at breakfast with the Supreme Leader and talked about the problems people like her and her family faced, and what the First Order could do about them. All the while, Ren sat and ate, nodding, wearing that tortured expression he always seemed to carry.

 

She remembered the first time he had called her in to talk with him.

 

“Rina.” He had said smoothly. “Sit down.”

 

There had been food on the table that day too. Lunch. He had gestured to it, instructing her to eat. She remembered picking up a roll of bread with her shaking hands. Taking a tentative bite.

 

He had looked at her, with his intense gaze. Then with a frightening sincerity said. “So, I want to ask you, what problems do you have with the First Order?”

 

She had jumped, almost out of her seat, chair wobbling. _He thinks I’m a Resistance spy,_ she thought to herself. Along with _‘oh god, I’m going to die’._ She immediately began shaking her head jerkily, violently like a doll, stuttering, “N...n..nothing Supreme Leader. The First Order is good and just. It provides us with….”

 

“Stop, Rina, stop.” He had said, raising a hand to silence her. “This isn't a test of loyalty. I just want you to tell me the truth. My advisors they don't tell me things, things about the people we govern. Because they don't care about you. Only money and war. But I am not them. I _do_ care, and I want to make things better. So you have to tell me the truth.”

 

Rina had nodded not knowing whether to trust this man. So mercurial and unpredictable. _Destructive_. She was constantly cleaning up things he'd broken, subconsciously calculating their monetary value. It had been a mistake to talk to him that one night. But there was something good in his heart, fragile and pure. She had felt it when he had talked about the scavenger, the mysterious Resistance girl he loved.

 

So she opened her mouth and told him, eyeing the food before her.

 

“People are hungry, sir.”

 

Ren’s face creased in confusion. “But the First Order pays it employees well.”

 

Rina nodded. “Yes, but in First Order credits. None of the merchants want First Order currency. People still trade in Republic dataries, Huttese Wupiupi. First Order credits are worth almost nothing on the market.”

 

“But there are First Order regulated shipments of toiletries, food. Surely you can purchase items from _them_.”

 

Rina shook her head. “On Taris the shipments end up being bought by gangs, who bribe or threaten First Order officials. Then they resell them at much higher prices.”

 

Shock patterned Ren’s face. He had grown up wealthy. She could tell. This truth was alarming to him. For her, it was just the way things had always been.

 

He jumped up, gripping his saber. Before he turned to leave, he looked at her. “I want you meet me for breakfast every morning, when you are working." He garbled breathlessly. "To tell me what is happening. On Taris.” Then he turned, face flush with anger, and strode out, stomping loudly, into his bedchamber. Undoubtedly to break something.

 

From then on they talked, each morning, and surprisingly he _listened_ , beginning to regulate the currency, eliminating the gangs, the crime syndicates that held so much control over the mid and outer-rim worlds. Fighting _not only_ the corruption on Taris but _everywhere_.

 

There were whispers saying that Ren controlled a gang of elite assassins. That were cloaked in black and moved like shadows. They could kill anybody they said. And they had the Force like _him_ . His knights. _The Knights of Ren_. But Rina had never seen them. All she knew was that Ren heeded her advice.

 

Until one night. The night something inside him broke. The night of his mother's death. He had pleaded with her, to tell him where the Resistance was. She didn't personally know but she had friends, friends who had grandiose dreams, dreams of freedom and democracy. Rina herself didn't choose sides. She just wanted to survive, to give her daughter a better life than her own. That is why she had taken a job with the First Order in the first place. It wasn't as if anybody was hiring on Taris.

 

She had known it was dangerous to admit she associated with Resistance sympathisers but something broke inside her, and she told him. Maybe it some Force mind trick or just her own stupidity, but she was sure that she had just sentenced her Resistance friends to death.

 

_There had been no execution, however._

 

Kylo had left and returned, somehow more unhappy than before. The meetings stopped, and he started foregoing breakfast all together, laying in bed until something so important came along that he meant would have to rise for a few hours, sitting at a meeting before returning to sleep. She watched him grow gaunter every day, until finally she could not stand it anymore.

 

“Get up.” She said, at the lumpy shape that lay amongst a number of grimy sheets. A degree of pleading in her voice.

 

“Leave me.” He growled at her.

 

“No.” She said, suddenly fearful of her own bravery. “Get up. I have to change those sheets.”

 

“Leave the sheets.” Kylo grunted in response.

 

And then despite herself, she again opposed him. “No.” She said firmly. “ _Get up_. Get up and eat something. I’m not going to watch you _starve_ yourself to death.”

 

He sat up then. Emerging from a cocoon of bed linen. Staring at her incredulously. “Why do _you_ care if I die or not?”

 

“I _do._  Now get up.”

 

Kylo’s cheeks began to grow ruddy. He obviously wasn't used to being told what to do. He lifted his hand, as if about to threaten her with the Force, but instead he just stared at it, as if transfixed by the boneyness of his digits.

 

“They've raised taxes on Taris. Forty percent of my earnings are now being channeled into something called a First Order citizens defense fund. Courtesy of a man calling himself Hux. Who is now basically running the First Order in your absence. Did you even _know_ that?”

 

Kylo’s expression soured, but he turned over, once again wrapping himself in his stained sheets. "Rina, _please_ just leave me alone. I honestly don't care about the First Order anymore. I just want to die.”

 

“No. Get up.” She repeated. Again. “I’m sorry about your mother, but that isn't an excuse to wallow in your own grief forever. My husband died four years ago. And I  _loved_ that man more than all the stars in the galaxy combined. When I found out, all I wanted to do was die myself because I couldn't imagine living without the man I loved. But I _didn't_. I got up and found myself a job, because I had people relying on me. My daughter, and my father. I couldn’t just abandon my child and a crippled old man to their own devices. So, I ended up here.”

 

“What a compelling story.”

 

Rina reeled back, as if she had physically slapped. “Fine. Act heartless, but don't expect me to buy it. I know you Kylo Ren, and I know you _do_ care, that's why you joined the First Order in the first place.

 

You know, when I took a job here, my friends all disapproved. They told me the First Order was evil, that I would be oppressed and  working for terrorists. And _at first,_ it was true. But when you became Supreme Leader, something began to change. And I began to believe in all that propaganda of bringing order to the Galaxy. That something better could be created. That my daughter would live to see a better tomorrow. And that's why why you have to _get up_. Because you have the power to change things. And people, people all over the Galaxy are relying on _you_.”

 

Kylo just stared at her blankly, meeting her eyes, a puzzled expression on his face. She grabbed the corner of the bed sheet and pulled with all her might.

 

“Eat something, _please_.” She said staring at him defiantly. “Or are you going to _kill_ me? Because i’m not leaving until you do.”

 

Half an hour later, Kylo sat at the dining table, a forkful of eggs in his hand. Glowering at her.

 

Slowly he put the fork in his mouth and chewed, almost tentatively. Then it was as if something inside him snapped and he was shovelling food into his mouth with no restraint, like a starving man.

 

_He had been. Starving._

 

“You’re right.” He mumbled at her, between mouthfuls. “I can't leave the First Order in Hux’s hands.”

 

“Good.” Rina said nodding and smiling.

 

He paused. Looking at her. “Getting him to give up his power is going to be hard though. I don't know if I’m up to it. It’s like I can't think straight anymore. I’m drowning. I think about it a lot. _Death_. I can't stop contemplating it.”

 

“Nothing worth doing is ever easy.” Rina said. “But Hux could never be the leader, you are.”

 

Kylo nodded, looking down at his empty plate. “I _miss_ her.” He said, voice cracking a little.

 

“I miss my husband too. But it gets better.”

 

“Not just my mother. I miss… I miss _her_. The scavenger. She has a child with another man. I think she loves him.”

 

Rina not knowing what to say, piled more eggs on his plate, instructing him to eat them.

 

“I guess I deserve it. I did terrible things to her. I.. I killed Snoke.” He said whispering the admission. “Then framed her for the murder.”

 

Rina suddenly realised who this 'scavenger’ was. She had seen her face on a thousand propaganda posters. Skinny, with determined eyes and a hard mouth. There were hundreds of stories about her back on Taris, each more fanatical than the next, but as for the girl herself, she had faded into obscurity. No doubt to keep the child safe.

 

“I still love her.” Kylo said quietly. “But there’s no chance, not with…”

 

“There’s always a chance,” said Rina, cutting him off. “You never know what's going to happen. Now please, go and take a shower.” She said, taking in his mangy appearance, the acrid smell of sweat the lingered in the air. “It’s been way too long.”

 

* * *

 

 

“How does a Porg beat, ...wait what even is this?” Poe said, staring at the playing card on the table, a look of annoyance patterning his face.

 

“It’s a Corellian Banshee bird.” Finn replied. “And for your information, the Porg acts like a joker, it’s the highest card, if you play it right.”

 

“But it's a Porg!” Poe said staring at the illustrated card. “It doesn't do anything! “At least my Banshee hawk can scream loudly and hunt prey.” He said, reading the factoids written on the cards in Jawa.

 

Finn shrugged. “Porgs are cute. And rare.” _True_. Porgs were once widely thought to be extinct, due to no one having inhabited Ahch To in millenia. But now with a new breeding colony established on Dandoran they were having a bit of a revival.

 

Poe shook his head. “I hate this game.” He whined. “What’s the point of playing something you can't gamble on?”

 

Finn raised an eyebrow. “Well for one, you can’t cheat. And you know that none of us will play Sabacc with you anymore. It not coincidence that you win every time! And i’d like to hang onto my money, thank you very much.”

 

“ _Fine._ Whatever, this rounds goes to you.” Poe said conceding. He knew that he was a sore loser, but it did not seem like something he could remedy.

 

It had been a successful mission, bringing supplies to a compromised Resistance group on Praxis.  And now him, Finn and Chewbacca were on their way home. Poe stared at his hand of cards despondently. Kessel, Jacuna, Endorian chicken. What was he meant to do with them?

 

Ever since Finn had purchased the grubby set on cards from that market on Tatooine, titled: _Bird battle - Feathered conquest_ , his dignity and reputation as best card player in the Resistance had gone down the drain.

 

“Look I give up.” Poe said, dropping the cards. “Let's just have a drink or something.”

 

“Sure.” Finn laughed, pouring a glass of Jawa juice. “We can drink to my victory.”

 

Poe scowled, but knocked his glass against Finn's, downing his drink.

 

“So how is everything?” Finn asked him.

 

Poe’s forehead creased. “Well support for the Resistance is growing again. First Order’s been raising taxes and generally making people's lives lately. Apparently Kylo Ren didn't take his mother's death very well. So Hux has been running the show for the past few months.”

 

“Yeah I’ve heard.” Finn said. “Seems ironic, doesn't it? That our greatest enemy is not actually the evil dark sider with the massive red light saber but some ginger bureaucrat.”

 

“Bureaucrats are the worst.” Poe remarked softly. It was true that Hux seemed to be their main problem right now, but he could not help hating the Supreme Leader. _Kylo Ren._ Because of what he had done to Rey. Also being interrogated by him on the Finalizer had been pretty damn unpleasant.

Rey saw him, time to time through the Force, she had admitted, one night, in the aftermath of the funeral. _Just glimpses_ , she reassured him, but the thought of it, their _connection_ sickened him. Another burden Rey had to carry, to bear. She had chosen _him_ though, Poe reminded himself. Despite the child, him and her were ancient history.

 

“So how's Rey anyway?” Finn asked. “I haven't seen her for a while. I guess me and Rose have been busy.”

 

“Well...” Poe said, taking a deep breath. “I guess she’s okay. She's a little angry with me. She wanted to come with us on this mission, but I told her she wasn't needed. I just ...can't stomach the idea of her getting hurt, you know? The First Order has a bounty on her head. For killing Snoke.”

 

"The First Order has a bounty on ALL of our heads Poe." Finn said raising his eyebrows. “We're the _Resistance_! I get you man, but believe me _that girl_ can look after herself. It’s yourself you should be worrying about.”

 

Poe laughed, then slowly delved into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out an ornate ring.

 

“Well i’m hoping that giving her _this_ , will make up for it.” He said gesturing to the band of engraved silver. “It was my mother’s. I think I’ve finally found a use for it.”

 

“Kriff, are you going to propose to her?” Finn said, open mouthed.

 

Poe nodded. “When the time is right. I really hope she says yes.”

 

“Of course she will.” Finn reassured him. “I see the way she looks at you.”

 

“Thanks.” He said. “I thought it was about time, you know.” He leaned towards Finn looking at him seriously. “I’m glad you found Rose. It seems like things have turned out well for both of us.”

 

“Yeah." Finn smiled. "Rose is great.”

 

“I thought, well, a long time ago, that you had feelings for Rey.” Poe admitted. “You know, I would have never asked her out if you were not together with Rose.”

 

Finn's eyebrows creased for a moment, and he looked deep in thought. “Yeah, I liked her. _Rey_. Once upon a time. But, I never knew what was going on with her. It was as if she had this huge destiny, all of her own and I just couldn't compete. And then, Rose kissed me. And everything just became _clear._ As I looked at her body, unconscious on Crait, I just _knew_. That I could never lose her.”

 

Poe smiled solemnly. “Well I can't say I’m not glad that it worked out that way.”

 

Finn laughed. “I still care deeply about Rey. It’s just platonic now."

 

Poe smiled, Finn continuing to speak.

 

"I guess with Rose… Rose wants to be loved. Rey is _more difficult_. I think she is still learning what love is, and whether she is deserving of it. I think we are similar in that way. Both orphans, starved of love. Looking back now, I think if we were together it would be disastrous. But all I can say is have patience.”

 

“I will.” Poe nodded and smiled. He understood what Finn had said to him. Rey was still a mystery, so stoic and closed. One he had only begun making sense of. Perhaps he would never know the entirety of what lay beneath, but he sincerely hoped that he would one day he would find out.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey stared at the engagement ring sitting daintily on her index finger and frowned, going back to running her bath.

 

Poe was away again. Are here she was, sitting in their shared apartment, the perfect image of a dedicated housewife, internally simmering with resentment.

 

She _hated_ it. This life of domestic drudgery. It made her feel useless. She longed to hold a lightsaber again, to go on adventures. But instead she sat and cooked and cleaned, waiting for Poe to return only to depart again on some important Resistance business.

 

“I want to come.” She harangued him when he flew off on a mission. “I’m a Jedi. Surely my abilities could come in handy.”

 

But most of the time. Poe just shook his head. “What about Cai?” He would ask her and then she would end up feeling guilty. For wanting to fly away somewhere, instead of enduring a weekend of tears and tantrums, having to feign enthusiasm as Cai chattered away nonsensically about speeders and droids and Mandalorians.

 

Sometimes Poe did relent, and she would come along for some meeting or business deal, but she had a feeling he only ever took her with him when there was no real danger. There had been a strange power imbalance, a disparity between them, ever since he had become leader of the Resistance.

 

Yet when he had proposed to her she had been overjoyed. Wasn’t it every girls dream? A husband and child. She had leaned forward and kissed him wholeheartedly, fingers curling in his hair, butterflies in her stomach. Her whole body had sung with joy.

 

It was only later that night when he had turned to her, eyes clouded with sleep, and begun to discuss their future together, that worry had consumed her.

 

“I think this is the next step for us.” Poe had said, earnestly. “First marriage, and then, maybe, a child of _our own_.”

 

“Yeah.” Rey had smiled and nodded, but inside she felt sick with dread. She was not ready, not for another child, maybe not for any of it.

 

However, it had been now been months since their engagement and they had talked little of it. Marriage or children. Poe was busy waging war against the First Order, and she well, she was sat inside, alone with a toddler, boredom slowly, day by day, wearing away at her sanity.

 

_She missed Dandoran._

 

After the funeral everyone had relocated. Half the Resistance, on Yavin 4, the other half here on Eufornis Major. One of Poe's old Republic defense force buddies turned property tycoon, had let them stay in some of the apartments he owned. But Rey missed the forests and the mountains and the wild. The old camaraderie of the Resistance base on Dandoran. And most of all she missed Leia. She did not feel like a good mother. Without Leia around she often struggled to know what to do.

 

Rey turned off the tap, regarding the steaming bath before her. It was strange living with such luxuries. She often found it hard to process.

 

Just then Cai barreled into the bathroom.

 

“It is ready, is it ready?” He said gesturing at the bath.

 

Rey nodded and smiled. “Sure little man, get in.” She said pulling his shirt over his head and depositing him in the bath. She then stripped and got in herself.

 

“Hey!” She shouted as Cai splashed soapy water into her face. “Not in my eyes.”

 

Cai just looked at her giggling.

 

“Mama do something. Something with the Force!”

 

“Okay. But then you have to let me wash your hair.”

 

“Okay Mama.”

 

Rey sighed and closed her eyes, focusing acutely on her surroundings . A sphere of water, slowly rose out of the water, hanging in mid air.

 

“Wow.” Cai shouted and then darted forward to touch the sphere causing it to separate into a thousand globules of water that rained down on them. Cai clapped his hands together in joy.

 

“Again! Again!” He cried.

 

“Later. I’ve got to shampoo your hair first.”

 

“Okay.”

 

With Cai’s hair clean, he had started to cover her chin in foam, shaping the bubbles into a beard shouting, “Mama you're a man!”

 

“Yes, I’m a man.” Rey conceded. Playing along, before scrubbing her face of bubbles.

 

But suddenly, Cai stopped giggling, instead turning abruptly to stare at the wall behind her.

 

“Mama.” He pointed. “Who is that man?”

 

Rey’s forehead creased. “What man?”

 

“The man in black, behind you Mama.”

 

Rey leaned over, turning her neck to see Kylo Ren behind her. She rushed to cover her exposed breasts. Ren smirked a little.

 

“Who is he?” Cai demanded, pulling at her arms that she had positioned carefully to conceal her nudity.

 

“No one.” She said, to Cai, staring at Ren in annoyance. And then with a sudden realization, she wheeled back, mouth agape. “Wait. You ...you can see him?” She said eyes fixing on Cai.

 

“Yeah, but Mama, why is he in our bathroom?”

 

Rey turned back to glower at Ren. “Yes why are you in my bathroom?”

 

“You know I can’t help it.” He said, a pained look of his face. “It's the nature of the Force bond.”

 

“Well, i’d rather you not appear in front of him.” She snapped, gesturing to Cai. “He’s going to start asking questions.”

 

Ren, walked towards her, then crouched down, so that he was at her level, his eyes burning into hers. “Well maybe you should answer them.” He told her. “He shouldn’t _even_ be able to see me at all. The boy is strong with the Force. Soon the fact that he can see me will be the least of your problems.”

 

Rey turned around to look at Cai, at his curious four year old face. She knew, deep down, that at some point this time would come, that Cai was not destined to simply be an ordinary child.

 

“He’s going to need a teacher.”

 

“Yes.” Rey snapped. “He’s got me.”

 

“He may need more than just you.”

 

“What...” Rey laughed. “Are you seriously, offering to teach my child the ways of the Sith? Excuse me if I politely decline.”

 

“Not the Sith.” Kylo said sourly, adding. “There’s no one else. Who’s trained in the Force.”

 

“Yes. Thanks to you.”

 

Kylo’s lip curled, looking affronted. “I didn’t kill Luke.” He said softly. “However many times must you accuse me.”

 

Rey shook her damp hair out of her eyes. “He's my son. I can manage.”

 

She looked up at Ren whose attention, had traveled to the slender engagement band on her finger.

 

“You got married?” He said voice suddenly dangerous and low. Brimming with darkness. She could sense the barely concealed anger in the voice, the resentment.

 

She drew her eyes up to meet his and something ancient in the pit of her stomach flickered, simmering.

 

“Engaged.” She murmured.

 

“Well, send my regards to the pilot.” He said, leaning in and grabbing a limp strand of hair, that he then proceeded to tuck behind her ear, his cool fingertips lingering a second too long. Rey felt her cheek burning, stomach twisting at his touch. "I hope he makes you happy." He added bitterly. Rey turned her head away from him, unable to meet his eyes. Not wanting to betray the conflict that lay inside.

 

Ren paused regarding her for a moment and then Cai. Visibly upset at her rebuttal.

 

“Goodbye Rey.” He said finally, stepping back, his body beginning to fade from view. “Come to me, when you need help. With _him_.” He said, gesturing towards Cai, who was gaping in awe at Ren’s fading torso.

 

“Goodbye Mister.” Cai waved. And then suddenly Rey was left alone, speechless and hot. Hands still crossed protectively around her.

 

“Whoa. Who was that, Mama. He just, disappeared. Like boom!”

 

“Yeah _. He does that._ ” Rey murmured. She turned to Cai, gripping him by the shoulders.

 

“If you see him again. You have to tell me Cai. And don’t talk to him.”

 

“Why not Mama?”

 

“Because he is a bad man, sweetheart."

 

"But who is he?"

 

 Rey turned to Cai, narrowing her eyes. "His name is  _Kylo Ren_. He killed you father, Ben Solo.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a massive fan of this chapter, but I just want to publish it so I can get on with the story. Shits gonna get crazy in the next two chapters, oh my god, I am so excited! Apologies for not updating for a while. I'm moving back to the Seychelles at some point this month for work and um yeah I just quit my current job and I have a ton of shit to do and Love Island is back, and I am a sucker for bad reality tv etc... Yep, i'm trash.
> 
> I write the slowest of slow-burn I know, and apologise in advance for this, but what is a story without drama and multi faceted characters and a massive build up and bird themed card games?... Yeah I uh. ...I really like birds. But, if you are looking for some SMUTTY respite in the meantime, I wrote [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831744) cute little oneshot, with lots of Reylo smut included. Disclaimer - it's from the POV of BB8.


	8. Coup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart… This chapters a long one, and comes to you in two parts. Hopefully you all like DIY, because our main characters are all getting screwed.

**Part I - The Rally**

 

He would see the boy in his dreams sometimes. A toddler, barely grown. A half-formed thing, that would watch him. It almost felt real, but Kylo knew that it was just a figment of his imagination.

 

It was strange. He hardly saw Rey anymore. The bond between them, once shiny and taut, had over time dulled. But the boy, the boy seem to flicker at the peripheries of his consciousness. A shadow. Kylo would often question his preoccupation with the child. _Why_ was it that he cared? Yes, a part of him would always love Rey. But the fixation on the child, the visions of him in his sleep, that was just plain _odd_. The child had the Force, maybe that was it. Maybe he felt threatened. Yahna and his knights unnerved him. Force sensitives were an anomaly, variables he could not control. And Kylo liked to be in charge. He shook his head, and took several deep breaths, attempting to clear his head of such nonsensical thoughts, then turned to look in the mirror.

 

_Tonight was an important night._

 

He stared at his reflection and frowned. Somehow by some incomprehensible miracle he looked like a leader. Time had been kind to him. The more he aged, the more he seemed to grow into the strong features he had once despised. At thirty-six, he was no longer a smooth faced scowling boy, but confident and worldly, his faded scar giving him a dangerous edge. He ran his fingers through his newly trimmed hair, tucking it behind ears that somehow did not look as large as they normally did.

 

“How do I look?” He asked Rina, who was sat behind him, folding a rather large pile of clothes.

 

“Strong.” She smiled. “Like the Supreme Leader of the First Order.”

 

“Good.” He said, returning her smile. He was not one for pomp and ceremony, usually leaving Hux to make fanatical speeches, but tonight, tonight was different. He wanted to show everyone the new First Order. One free from lies and corruption, committed to bringing _order_ and _peace_.

 

It had been a difficult last year, wrestling control back from Hux. When he had first shuffled into a shareholders meeting after months of languishing away in his chambers, he had been met by Hux's usual spiteful maneuvering.

 

“Supreme Leader.” He had simpered. “How nice of you to finally show up. I see you have _finally_ recovered from your ...illness.”

 

Kylo remembering nodding, while Hux’s eyes ran over his malnourished form, a malicious smile playing on his lips.

 

“Well, you have certainly missed a lot while you have been away. The First Order has been making a lot of financial headway these past months. Though it is _admirable_ to have such altruistic notions Supreme Leader, our patrons are looking for a more _profitable_ endeavour. Especially with the Resistance’s constant interference. But I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that our intelligence has informed us that General Organa's is dead. One less terrorist to worry about.”

 

Kylo’s fists curled as Hux shot another twisted smile in his direction.

 

“Oh, I forget, she _was_ your mother. A pity. I hope your recent bad health wasn't on _her_ behalf.”

 

“No.” Kylo said flatly, attempting to maintain his composure. Palms shaking, as he tried, desperately to stop himself from strangling Hux with the Force.

 

Instead he stood up, staring at the red haired man. "I’m afraid you’ve rather overstepped the mark General. It was not in _your_ position to alter the existing First Order protocol. To have concocted new taxes and laws in my absence. Therefore some changes will be made. You’re demoted from high command. Effectively immediately.” Hux opened his mouth to argue, but Kylo had already used to Force to paralyze his vocal cords leaving him choking out a series of unintelligible whispers.

 

“Leave. _Now_.” He commanded and Hux reluctantly had obeyed, but Ren was aware he wasn't going to take this change standing down.

 

When he had left the room, Ren turned to the group of generals and shareholders, regarding them sternly. “Now, let’s get to business.”

 

But abolishing Hux's reforms had been harder than imagined. The shareholders who had obviously been profiting from the new taxes had put up a lot of resistance. He _had_ had to intimidate them with the Force shattering all the pitchers of water that sat on the table leaving them both shocked and damp.

 

Looking at himself, he realised he was not the leader that people wanted, slimy and soft and inclined to corruption. Instead he was angry, violent and puritanical. Still the image of Snoke's rapid attack dog. But people he knew, weren't won by fear but by careful political maneuvering. Charm. Hux understood that. Kylo _knew_ what he had to become. The well groomed caricature. A figurehead, stalwart and strong. He had to pull himself together. He’d been feeling sorry for himself for too long.

 

Back in the present, he hoped he’d done enough. Tonight, the First Order was holding their first political conference. No longer a radical fringe group, but a ruling power. It would be televised. The galaxy would be watching.

 

Kylo straightened his suit, gaze flickering once again to his reflection.

 

Rina smiled at him. “Everything’s going to be great.” She reassured him.

 

He nodded, exiting his quarters, to find his security escort waiting for him. He followed them wordlessly through the corridors of the Supremacy II, before boarding a shuttle to Coruscant, where the event was taking place.

 

_He hoped he had done enough._

 

* * *

 

 

Rey sat watching Cai, eyebrows narrowed. He was sitting on the floor cross legged, eyes closed, perfectly still. Inside, her stomach churned, thoughts a maelstrom, full of unease. _This isn’t what five year olds do._ She thought to herself.

 

Cai was awake. But also dreaming. Rey did not know how to explain it. All she knew was he was Force sensitive, and it was manifesting itself in strange ways.

 

She remembered the first time Cai had used the Force. Little over half a year ago now. She had been trying to feed him broccoli soup, fruitlessly jabbing a spoon at his face.

 

“I don’t like broccoli.” Cai had whined. “It’s green.”

 

“I don’t care!” Rey said, snapping at him. “You’re not leaving this chair, until you at least try it.”

 

“NO!” He screamed back, tears beginning to form in his eyes, his hands curled into fists.

 

“Try one spoon.” Rey persisted, again pushing the utensil towards his mouth.

 

And then suddenly the spoon was torn from her hand, colliding with the wall, and the bowl of soup in front of her alarmingly began to shake, before shattering to pieces, shards of china flying everywhere, leaving them both drenched in viscous green liquid. Which only caused Cai to cry and wail even more, as Rey stared at him, paralyzed with shock.

 

 _Cai had the Force, there was no denying it now._ And Rey had no idea what to do.

 

She told Poe about it that night when he returned from a meeting, beside herself with worry. But Poe just raised an eyebrow, turning to her.   

 

“There’s no nice way of saying this Rey, but your cooking is _truly_ terrible.” He said. “No wonder he smashed that bowl, it was probably just a defense mechanism.”

 

“But he smashed it using the Force, Poe. _The_ _Force!_ ”

 

Again Poe just shrugged, his forehead creasing. “Well, there is quite a lot of evidence suggesting that there’s a genetic component to Force-sensitivity. Did you honestly not expect this?”

 

“Well…” Rey murmured. “I hoped it wouldn’t. Especially when Cai is this young. I don’t really know what to do.”

 

Poe placed his hands on Rey’s shoulders. “What is there to do? He’s just a _kid_. If in a few years, you want to train him, then it’s your choice. I mean you could teach him what Luke taught you right?”

 

“I guess.” Rey whispered. “It just scares me. I don’t… I don’t want him to end up like his father.”

 

Poe smiled. “With you here looking after him, there’s no chance of that happening.” He reassured her. “But for now he’s young, just a kid. I think you should allow him to be just that. If things change, then we’ll deal with it, when the time comes. _Together_.”

 

Rey had nodded, hugging Poe, burying her head into his shoulder. But what happened next over the proceeding months was completely unexpected.

 

She had imagined more tantrums, more flying cutlery, perhaps some levitating toys, but instead Cai began asking questions.

 

“Mama, what was my father like. _Ben Solo_?” He asked her one morning over breakfast.

 

“Uh.” Rey stuttered. “Well, I didn’t really know him _that_ well. We only met for a short time.”

 

“Oh.” Cai said, looking disappointed. “But was he nice? Did you love him.”

 

“He was ...complicated.” Rey said, trying to be honest, while avoiding the whole truth. “Angry, and sad, but also _sweet_. Vulnerable. I don’t know if I loved him but ...I liked him a lot.”

 

“Did he have the Force, like you and me?”

 

Rey nodded. _Yes._

 

“Then he must have been cool.” Cai said smiling to himself. “But Mama, why is it that you never talk about him? I’ve never seen him. You don’t dream about Ben Solo. Only Kylo Ren.”

 

Rey froze, stomach twisting. “What do you mean I don't dream about... Wait. Can you, do you ...see my dreams?”

 

Cai shrugged nonchalantly. “Sometimes Mama. Or Uncle Poe’s. He dreams about you a lot.” He whispered conspiratorially. “Sometimes you’re _naked_.”

 

“Oh right.” Rey said. Not knowing how to process this. “How long have you been able to do this?”

 

“I don’t know. When I sleep I just see things. Is it the Force Mama? Do _you_ see my dreams…”

 

Rey shook her head. “No sweetie, I don’t, but the Force it uh, it affects people in different ways. _Now,_ finish your cereal.”

 

Cai went back to eating, as Rey attempted to breathe. Her heart was beating erratically, mind unable to make sense of the conversation they had just had. Whatever this power was, that Cai had, it was not something she understood. And that scared her.

 

Straightening herself up, she inhaled deeply, going back to washing dishes. For a long while the kitchen was silent. Then Cai’s voice rang out from behind her.

 

“Mama.” He said.

 

“Yes sweetie?”

 

“He dreams about you too. _Kylo Ren_.”

 

* * *

 

Kylo stood in the grand ballroom of the Coruscanti parliament building nursing his drink. Around him elegantly dressed people milled around clutching delicate flutes of champagne. Making idle conversation. He looked around taking in the chandeliers and holo screens, the First Order banners that triumphantly embellished the walls. Here it was. All his work coming to fruition.

 

He walked around, circulating the hall, smiling reservedly at anyone who met his eyes. Despite being without his saber, his usual leather robes, he felt powerful. He gazed at the podium, at the far end of the room. Tonight he would announce his new reforms. _Soon_. Despite his eagerness however, his stomach clenched. He did not like public speaking. In a single swallow, he downed the rest of his whisky to calm himself, feeling the familiar burn of alcohol in his throat. Suddenly, someone grasped his arm from behind. He turned to see Yahna staring up at him.

 

“You look like your enjoying yourself.” She said, with a tone of sarcasm.

 

“No more than usual.” He replied. “The event looks to be a success.” He added. “No sign of the Resistance.”

 

“ _Well_ , you’re a man of the people now.” Yahna smirked.

 

His popularity _was_ on the increase. But despite that fact, dozens of Stormtroopers lined the room, patrolling the exits. Kylo thought that Hux had been a little too extreme with the events security arrangements, but he preferred not to argue with the General or for that matter, engage him at all.

 

Kylo nodded and began to turn away but Yahna followed him.

 

“You look handsome tonight.” She said, a strange expression on her face.

 

“Thank you. You also look .. _.very nice._ ” He added, out of politeness. But in truth she did look good, her already alluring features accentuated with cosmetics, dark hair pulled back in an elaborate Naboo style. Her clothes, like his were black, a satin one-piece that exposed an indecent amount of cleavage, the fabric flaring at the legs. She glowed, but beneath her exterior Kylo sensed something rotten.

 

“Have a drink with me.” Yahna said, leaning forward to gently touch his arm.

 

“Yahna....” He started to say, meaning to rebuff her but she cut him off, interrupting him.

 

“ _Please._ For old times sake.”

 

Kylo sighed, letting Yahna link her arm through his, dragging him over to the bar.

 

“ _See_. You’re making a good impression.  You don't want people thinking you're some sort of loner.” She said ordering two whiskeys.

 

“I _am_ a loner Yahna. You should know that better than most.”

 

The smirk disappeared from her face. “To be honest I don't know anything about you anymore Kylo. Once upon a time I tried, but you made it very clear that you didn't want me.”

 

Kylo took a sip of his whisky and sighed. “Is this why you came over to talk to me. Some sort of interrogation?”

 

“No.” Yahna said. Pressing her lips together. “I guess it's because i’m nostalgic.”

 

 _Nostalgia._ Kylo didn't know what she was talking about, but he nodded anyway.

 

Leaning forward, Yahna smiled and met his eyes, a strange glint in her gaze. “But now you mention it, why is it that you never wanted to fuck me?”

 

 _Once he did. When they were training to be Jedi together._ He cleared his throat, a little shocked by the bluntness of the question. “Because I don't think it was me you wanted.” He said, honestly. “Only the power that came along with it.”

 

Yahna sniffed, her lips curling. “Maybe.” She replied. “But maybe somewhere deep inside I did actually want you. Did you consider that? I remember thinking that we were the same, a time ago, back when we were Jedi. We both had the Force but instead of being the calm happy acolytes Luke wanted us to be, it made us volatile, angry. There was a darkness in us. Neither of us could deny it.”

 

“There was.” Kylo agreed. “There _is_ . But the older I get, the more I think the darkness and the light are arbitrary. It's our actions that define us.” He paused, taking a breath. “We _were_ friends Yahna. I ...I regret what happened. I should have never taken you to Snoke. Because with Luke, all of it, our rebellion, it was always just a game. But Snoke, Snoke made you _cruel_. And it's all my fault.”

 

Yahna’s face twisted then, with emotion she could not conceal. “You're _sorry_ are you? Sorry i'm cruel. At least I don't hide what I am. I don't lie. Meanwhile you _Saint Ben_ , you've been lying all along. Well maybe you did make me what I am, and ironically now you hate your own creation.” She hissed, a cold edge to her voice.

 

“Goodbye Ben.” She said, then instead of storming off like he had expected her to, she leaned in, kissing him softly on the cheek. Her lips lingered for a second too long then moved to brush his ear.

 

“ _Thanks for making this easy for me_.” She whispered. Then turned on her heel. Disappearing into the crowd. Leaving Kylo full of confusion and an evident sense of unease.

 

But he did not have time to dwell on her words. It was almost time for his speech. He walked over to the podium at the head of the room as the music that played became softer, an indicator that the festivities were dying down. He could feel his palms beginning to sweat. As he ascended the stage, he spotted Hux in the corner standing alone. The General met his eyes.

 

“Good luck Supreme Leader.” He smiled, raising his hand to his forehead to salute. Kylo was sure that the man was making fun of him but he inclined his head, giving a sharp nod before continuing to the stage.

 

Ascending the stairs he climbed up behind the podium. From this elevation he could see everything, _everyone_.

 

Hundreds of the First Orders best and brightest. Along with a smattering of businessmen, actresses, politicians and their pretty young mistresses. Anyone who was _someone_ was here tonight.

 

The music died, coating the room in silence. Kylo tapped the microphone, waiting for everyone to turn towards the stage, for the last snippets of murmured conversation to die away.

 

He cleared his throat.

 

“Good Evening, everybody.” Kylo said, hearing his voice reverberate across the room. “And thank you for attending this First Order rally and pledging your allegiance to our cause. The First Order had humble origins, originally founded as an answer to the discord and chaos that followed the downfall of the Galactic Empire. A vision that my predecessor and teacher Snoke possessed and that the Resistance still opposes.

 

Since I came to power, the First Order has expanded and grown, thrived. But as time passes I feel that we must embrace new ideas, take new directions.The tenets of the First Order have always involved a strong state with an emphasis on law enforcement and a rigid social structure. But during my leadership I have discovered that our method of rule can adversely affect the poorest and most vulnerable in society. So I have realised that as well Order we must have compassion. Therefore I propose…”

 

Suddenly Kylo’s mic seemed to cut out so none of his reforms could be heard. Kylo opened his mouth, smiling politely and looked around for a technician to solve the issue. But no one seemed to come, and then simultaneously every holo screen in the colossal ballroom switched on. Playing the same footage synchronously.

 

Kylo looked up, frozen in place. It took him a moment to recognise the scene. A crimson room, curved walls flanked with menacing guards. Faceless, all outfitted in identical red armour. Snoke on the throne. And there _he_ was. Younger, the scar that marred his face, fresher, standing over Rey, who was knelt unceremoniously before him. She was staring into his eyes, _pleading_. While he clutched the handle of his saber, pointing it at her throat. The camera panned down, zooming in on his gloved hand. And just when it looked like he was about to kill her, his hand twisted, and Snoke was swiftly decapitated in one lethal stroke.

 

Kylo looked around wildly for somewhere to escape. But there were guards everywhere flanking him, the troopers that Hux had insisted upon. He didn’t have his saber, he didn’t think he’d need it. The footage around him, continued to play, on the holo screens for hundreds of attendees to see. Showing him and Rey fighting back to back slowly killing off Snoke’s praetorian guards. In synchrony, raw and physical. Meanwhile Snoke’s torso lay in the background pale and bloodless. _The damage was done._ He knew that. People would see this. They would know he killed Snoke. Even if they had suspected before, there was nothing they could have done about it. But now, now there is proof.

 

“TRAITOR!” Hux screamed from across the room. Red in the face, pointing a finger at him. “Seize him!”

 

The troopers around him began to advance while the crowd fell into disarray. People screaming pointing fingers, whispering. The sounds of chaos and shock. Kylo whirled around wildly using the Force to throw back any troopers that were getting close. Bodies and weapons beginning to fly through the air. A woman in the crowd screamed, while Kylo ducked, avoiding a blaster bolt. There were too many of them, yet he persisted, head whipping around desperately seeking a means of escape. He somehow managed to incapacitate most of the troopers Hux had commanded to arrest him but there are more at the exits and the crowd was panicking and…

 

Then, suddenly there was a saber blade at his throat. Kyber, burning red and erratic. _His_ saber. Kylo froze and looked around to see Yahna behind him smiling.

 

“Times up.” She said softly. Turning and gesturing to a man in the corner of the room, unobtrusive and plain. His only distinctive feature a shock of red hair.

 

“Hux sends his regards.”

 

* * *

 

**Part II - The Aftermath**

 

Poe came home with a strange expression on his face.

 

“Rey I need to talk to you.” He said, voice low and serious.

 

With her Force sensitivity Rey could sense feelings, especially of people close to her. And right at that moment, she could tell that something had strange happened, that something was amiss.

 

She gazed up at Poe narrowing her eyes.

 

“What is it?”

 

Poe placed his arms on either side of her shoulders, meeting her gaze. He swallowed, uneasily. “The First Order, held a political rally on Coruscant today. The Resistance had a number of insiders attending. Politicians with Resistance sympathies. And they… well, they saw Kylo Ren being deposed. He was making a speech and then the microphone cut out and the holo-screens suddenly started playing footage of Kylo murdering Snoke. He was arrested immediately. Restrained by one of his knights, before he could escape. The whole things been televised.  He’s been sentenced to death for treason against the First Order. Hux gave the order. It seems he's to become the new Supreme Leader.”

 

Rey inhaled sharply. The breath leaving her lungs.

 

_No. This couldn’t… No._

 

Poe smiled weakly. “Well, I guess this means people won’t think you killed Snoke anymore.” He said, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“They’re, they’re sentencing him ...to death.” Rey whispered stiffly, the words like ashes in her mouth.

 

Poe nodded.

 

“We ...the Resistance, we need... we need to rescue him!” She cried, breath coming too fast, eyes darting from side to side.

 

Poe looked at her confused, gripping her arms tighter. “Rey. Ren is a _war criminal_! Even if we could hypothetically rescue him, not that we even _know_ where he is, he would be tried for his crimes and his fate would be the same. You can’t stop this!”

 

“But, but… he hasn’t even been terrorising anyone lately!” She whispered. “The First Order doesn't even have that much opposition anymore. I think he was trying ...to be better.”

 

“Regardless, he’s a criminal.” Poe told her. “He’s killed people. I know, you had ...something together, despite being on opposite sides, but Ren can’t escape this Rey. I’m sorry but it’s his fate. He’s going to die.”

 

“No!” Rey shouted, tearing herself from his arms. A sob forming in her throat. Sadness welled up inside her, and anger, sudden and irrational. Rage burning through her like an inferno.

 

“You never told me!” She shouted, squaring her shoulders. “You never told me any of it. That the First Order were having a rally. That we have politicians on the inside! No. You expect me to just sit here being your happy clueless wife! Well I don’t want it.” She spat pulling off the engagement ring and throwing it at the floor will all her strength. It bounced against the wood, rolling into a corner, just as hot tears began to spill down her cheeks.

 

Poe reached down and picked up the ring. “Rey.” He whispered quietly. “I just wanted to keep you safe.”

 

“Safe? I feel like i’m in a cage. I should have known all of this. I should know what the First Order was doing. I don’t even feel like i’m part of the Resistance, nowadays. Ever since Leia’s died, ever since you been in charge it’s like i’m just ...furniture. If i’d known, I could have…”

 

“Could have what.” Poe said, interrupting her. “Saved Kylo Ren?”

 

“I could have been there. I could have stopped Hux.”

 

“And ended up getting imprisoned instead? Rey, we’re the Resistance. We’re trying to demolish the First Order, not support it! _So_ , Kylo Ren gets deposed, there’s a change of leadership in the First Order. What does it matter? It doesn’t change anything.”

 

“But… Hux betrayed him!” Rey attested.

 

“Yes. It happens more often than you think.” Poe said matter-of-factly. “I staged a failed mutiny myself on the Raddus five years ago, because I didn’t agree with Holdo - the person in charge. Politics is a risky business. Ren secured his fate the day he became Supreme Leader. The heads of organisations like the First Order don’t tend to live long.”

 

Rey pursed her lips, wiping angrily at the tears that continued to spill down her cheeks leaving glistening trails of moisture. She knew what Poe was saying was logical, right. But instead of agreeing and conceding, she instead chose to stare at him accusingly.

 

“You’re happy, you’re happy he’s going to die.” Rey cried, her voice sore from all the shouting.

 

“I’m never happy at anyone’s death Rey…”

 

“No.” She spat. “You don’t care. He’s just another enemy for you. One that’s been conveniently disposed of.”

 

“Well…” Poe said, starting to speak but then, all of a sudden, he froze, staring at her. Dark circles under his eyes. He took a deep breath, raking his fingers through his hair. He tore his eyes from hers, as his lashes became moist with involuntary tears. Backed away abruptly, expression unreadable.

 

“You still love him.” He said, voice cracking.

 

Rey hung her head, remaining silent. She did not attempt to deny it. It was too late for that. _He knew._

 

“You always have.” Poe said, voice filled with betrayal. “I suspected. But I thought what we had together, I thought it was real. I thought you’d moved on.”

 

“It is real.” Rey choked, opening her mouth to protest. “It’s just ...it’s not that easy. I love you Poe. But I also care for _him_. It’s possible to love two people.” Rey said attempting to wrap her arm around him. Trying to get him to look at her. “I don’t even want to feel this way, but I can’t ...I can’t just switch off my feelings. But what does it matter? He’s going to die anyway…”

 

Poe finally turned, regarding her with a pained expression.

 

“It _matters_ Rey. It matters to me.”

 

Rey reached for his hand desperately, but Poe shook off her grip.

 

“I need some time alone.” He murmured, leaving their bedroom. A few moments later Rey heard the door to their apartment closing, key turning in the lock. She rubbed at her eyes furiously, swollen and red from crying. Suddenly everywhere was coated with an eerie silence and Rey felt desolate. Empty. A few vacant sobs escaping her mouth.

 

_Poe had left her. And Ren was going to die._

 

Rey took a series of deep breaths, desperately trying to keep herself together.

 

She closed her eyes, feeling for the Force around her, attempting to calm herself. She reached out, attempting to feel for him through the bond. _Ren_. But it was so weak, their connection, frail from years of separation, disuse. For hours and hours she focused and focused, until her head ached, limbs heavy from tiredness.

 

She had to talk to him. One last time. She would keep trying. _Whatever it took._

 

* * *

 

_Kylo rolls over and over, hips jutting into the hard metal floor, unable to think or sleep. He is going to die. He knows that. He debates whether to strike to the wall and dull his insistent depressive thoughts with pain, but he cannot seem to muster the strength._

 

_Death will be a relief he thinks. Four days in this cell and he is already losing his mind. Dizzy with hunger, heavy restraints cutting into his ankles and wrists. He counts to a thousand and  then starts again, a fruitless attempt at distraction, distraction from the chaos of his thoughts. Traitorous and violent images of the expression on his father's dying face, Snoke’s quiet manipulation. Sometimes he thinks about Rey, her soft hazel eyes and bronzed skin, subjecting himself to another form of torture._

 

_The rest of the time he broods, imagining murdering Hux, mind filling with increasingly grotesque methods of killing. But his fantasies are filled with apathy, resignation. For once he had tried to do some good in the world, and of course it had backfired horribly._

 

_He remembers the stories his mother read to him. The villain would always die in the those stories, and Kylo loved their simple endings. But now he understands that good is not so absolute. That the villains in those stories were more complex than he perceived. And so were the heroes. In life there are no happy endings._

 

_He thinks about about all the misguided mistakes of his youth. All the things he had done, all for a cause that he truly believed in. He sees the error now, the ways he let himself be manipulated, engaging in the frenzied fanaticism of those around him. He remembers the faces of those who he has killed, the anger and sadness that constantly tore at him, as he attempted to enact the will of the dark side. And then finally he breaks down and begins to cry, loud stuffy broken sobs he cannot suppress. He deserves this, he realises. After all he has done. He deserves this._

 

_On the fifth day, the door to this cell breaks open. Hux and Yahna entering. Hux throws a metallic device onto the floor creating a force field between them. Kylo watches impassive. Having had no intention to attack Hux anyway._

 

_Hux pauses to stroke the steel bars of his cell before turning to him and gesturing to the walls. “Mandalorian iron.” He says with a tone of malice. “Impervious to the Force. An ingenious metal, don’t you think? You would not imagine what lengths it took to procure. But, to finally rid myself of you Ren it was worth it.”_

 

_“Congratulations.” Kylo says dryly, standing up and walking over to the edge of the force-field. Staring Hux right into his watery blue eyes. “You knew.” He frowns. “All that time, you knew. That I killed Snoke.”_

 

_Hux’s mouth curls into a smirk. “Of course, I knew. I installed security cameras in Hux’s chambers while the Supremacy was being built. Who do you think oversaw it’s construction?”_

 

_Kylo nods. He’d underestimated Hux. “You wanted to know what was happening.”_

 

_Hux mouth contorts into a twisted smile. “Yes.”_

 

_Hux had always been watching. It was the only way, he realised. The only that a man like him could have gained such a position in the First Order. Through secrets, blackmail and subterfuge._

 

_“It was you!” Kylo said, shocked at the sudden realisation. “You’re the mole.The mole in the First Order. The reason the Resistance always knew our next move. You were leaking our plans to them.”_

 

_Hux smirks. “How else could I convince the Generals, our sponsors, that you were an incompetent leader? Of course in the end, it didn’t matter. You dug your own grave. When you had the nerve to demote me, I knew it was finally time to act.”_

 

_“Dug my own grave?”_

 

_“Even now you manage to be so dim.” Hux says, voice coloured with annoyance. “Your recent misguided philanthropy.” He laughs. “Did the think you could go around dismantling crime syndicates and burning Dataries like a vigilante and there would be no repercussions. You’ve damaged the business interests of many high-ranking individuals in the First Order. They were practically begging me to get rid of you. Of course your unnatural abilities made it difficult.” Hux pauses, looking at Yahna. “I had to enlist help. Someone, with a knowledge of the Force. Luckily, Yahna here was more than willing to assist me.”_

 

_Kylo stares at Yahna. “Why?”_

 

_“He gave me what you couldn't.” Yahna says simply. Her hand goes to her hip stroking the weapon that hangs there. His weapon._

 

_“My saber…”_

 

_“Don’t worry.” She smiles. “I’ll make good use of it.” She tosses it up igniting it in midair then catches it expertly with a cat-like grace. Hux jumping at the noise and the proximity of the blazing red blade.“You weren’t the only one that Snoke taught.”_

 

_Kylo presses his lips together and gazes down at the floor. Snoke wouldn’t place all his hopes in one person. He should have known._

 

_“I had to knock out some cleaner of yours to get it. The little bitch wasn’t happy when she found me looking through your belongings. She should have known better than to get in my way.”_

 

_Rina. Now Kylo gets angry, charging towards Yahna, hands curled into wrists. But then his body collides with the force-field and he is thrown backwards several feet, back colliding hard with the walls behind him. He winces in pain as his head jars against the wall, feeling hot blood pouring down his nape._

 

_Yahna’s smile widens. “Hasn’t anyone told you it’s rude to strike a girl?”_

 

_Kylo slumps to the floor panting._

 

_“If you're going to kill me. Get on with it.”_

 

_Hux’s lips once more curl into a smile. “All in good time Ren. I want to make sure the whole galaxy is watching. Meanwhile, I want to see you suffer.”_

 

_“Fair enough.” Kylo says flatly. Once again filled with apathy._

 

_“For years I’ve had to put up with you. Deal with your constant belittling, your rage, the cost of repairing the damage your petty tantrums caused. And I put up with it all. All those times you threw me into walls, all the times you’ve choked me. And all because I knew that one day I would have my revenge. That the First Order would be mine.” Hux turns to Yahna. “Hurt him.” He says. “I want to hear his screams.”_

 

_Yahna smiles and closes her eyes, raising her hand. And then suddenly, his mind is on fire, pain like a hot white brand behind his eyes. A sound builds in his throat but he suppresses it, causing himself to choke, tears running down his cheeks, sweat beading on his forehead. Snoke has taught her well, he realises. His minds sears, vision blinded by a red haze, limbs limp and boneless, until, suddenly it stops._

 

_He collapses on his hands and knees panting but instead of bowing his head he looks up at Yahna and laughs._

 

_“Is that all you’ve got. Pathetic.”_

 

_Yahna smiles then starts again. This time he screams. This time it is worse than anything he has ever put himself through. Perhaps even than the memory of Snoke's torture. He screams and howls and sobs. Sobs for it to stop as blood streams out of his nose. His legs collapsing from beneath him so that he lies prostrate on the floor._

 

_Finally Hux clears his throat, looking away from his dishevelled, broken form in distaste. “Leave him.” He commands. “I don’t want him to die before his execution.”_

 

_Yahna stops._

 

_He forces himself up onto his elbows, watching them leave. “You’re just a pawn for him to control.” He spits at Yahna. But she just laughs and continues after Hux._

 

_Then the door closes and he is alone again. Pain flowing through his body like a song. He shakes from the aftershocks and collapses. Consciousness finally leaving him._

 

_When he wakes it is dark. He pulls himself up into a sitting position shakily. Running his fingers through his hair. The emerge powdery red, the coppery tang of dried blood hitting his nose. He helps himself to some acrid water, from the pipe inside his cell that leaks continuously. Forcing it down until his throat no longer feels like sandpaper. Then he crawls back into the corner, slumping against the walls and prays for his death to come soon._

 

_When she appears before him, he panics mistaking her for a ghost. But then he sees her face, and something breaks inside him, an old wound reopening. He watches her sitting in front of him, eyes closed, old sleep shirt hanging from her slender shoulders. The edges of her body, flickering. Faded and indistinct._

 

_Then she opens her eyes and gasps exposing the soft pinkness of her throat, lips blooming like a flower._

 

_“It’s you. ...It's really you.” She whispers, eyes wide. “I’ve been trying, trying to talk to you for days. But the bond, it’s fading. I can hardly feel you. I thought, ...I thought I was too late.”_

 

_Before she can say anymore he grabs her hand, pulling it to his nose, his lips. Inhaling the delicate scent of her. “Rey.” He whispers._

 

_“Kylo.”  She says.Then her voice breaks. “Ben.”_

 

_“Wait, you actually want to see me?”_

 

_Rey nods. “When I heard what happened. I couldn't imagine it. The thought of not seeing you again.” A solitary tear wells up in her eye, escaping onto her cheekbone._

 

_He reaches over to wipe it away. But he can hardly feel the moisture on his fingers. The bond between them had truly become fragile. Just as Rey had told him._

 

_“Hux. He knew all along. That I killed Snoke. He was just waiting. For the right opportunity I guess.” He tells her unable to hide the betrayal in his voice._

 

_Rey’s expression darkens. “I’ve seen the footage. It’s all over the holo-net.” She leans towards him eyes shining in the darkness scrutinizing his face. “You look terrible.” She whispers._

 

_She stands up grabbing the hem of her night shirt. She spits onto the fabric wiping the blood away._

 

_“I’m going to die.”_

 

_“I know.” Rey says, voice strained._

 

_“I’m scared.” He tells her, his voice cracking. Knowing that there is no longer any point to hiding the truth._

 

_She leans into him then. Wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders. He buries his head in her chest, a broken sob escaping his mouth._

 

_“I can't save you.” Rey says softly. Whispering the words into his hair. “I’m sorry.”_

 

_“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “I never expected you to.”_

 

_They stay like that for a long time. Him and her. Rey carding her fingers through his hair.  And in the moment despite knowing that he is going to die, Kylo somehow feels alright. Finally he breaks the silence._

 

_“I want you to know I'm sorry. For everything Rey. For kidnapping you, for taking you to Snoke, for forcing myself inside your head.” He whispers, remembering the pain, the violation of Snoke and Yahna rifling inside his thoughts, his mind. “What I did was wrong. If I could go back, I would have never. ...Back then I was just so angry.”_

 

_“It’s okay.” Rey whispers. “We’ve both done things wrong. Things we regret. I forgive you.” And suddenly suddenly Kylo cannot hold it in anymore. All his sadness, his pain. He cries against her, dampening her shirt. All the while she holds him._

 

_“Don't go.” He whispers. “Not yet.”_

 

_“I won't.”_

 

_They lie down together, Kylo pressing up against her. Feeling her faint warmth. Her touch is soft, lesser than in reality, but he revels in it, nevertheless. She continues to stroke her hands through his hair and he buries his head in her neck, kissing her softly, not wanting to be alone._

 

_“Go to sleep.” She whispers in his ear, and she begins to hum a soft lullaby to him and he can feel himself starting to get drowsy. The world starting to fall away._

 

_“I want you to be happy Rey. You, your son. Even the pilot.”_

 

_“Mmhmmm.” Rey replies and continues to hum as his consciousness slowly fades away._

 

_Then he dreams, dreams of the boy as always. And for once while he watches him, he is sure that the boy is also watching him back._

 

_He is woken by a noise, a strange clanging. The grating of steel and then a key in the lock._

 

_“Rey.” He murmurs, looking around. But she is gone. He looks around wildly, expecting to find Hux, Yahna. Another onslaught of pain. But as his vision clears, he realises that the person before him, is actually Rina. She is sporting a black eye and breathing heavily but she smiles._

 

_“It’s him.” She whispers and another two figures appear before him. He recognises them. Kell and Eno, the youngest of his Knights. Both now, only in their late teens._

 

_“Rina? What are you doing here?”_

 

_“Sssh.” She whispers. “We’ve got to be quick." She swipes a key and the door of his cell clicks open. He stumbles up. Regarding the three of them. The unconscious storm trooper guards laying on the floor._

 

_“How did you…?”_

 

_“Nevermind.” She says throwing him a blaster. He manages to catch it despite his hands being shackled. “Come with us.”_

 

_He hesitates. “Rina?”_

 

_“Look do you want to live or not? We’re here to rescue you. But you’ve got to trust us.”_

 

_He nods, and stumbles after them. Wondering if the Universe is on his side after all._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Kylo. He he just trying to do some good as ruler of the First Order… But capitalism always prevails and incidently f**ks you over. I don’t know what message i’m trying to convey in the fic, but apparently it’s my marxist agenda. You thought this was a love story. Nah, its all about socio-economics.
> 
> I don’t know if this chapter really worked. It’s stupidly long, like almost 7000 words. It should really be two chapters split at the point Kylo gets deposed, but I have (medically diagnosed) OCD and i’m convinced that part one of the story is going to be ten chapters so it will be or my world will implode. But, hopefully you guys enjoyed the plot, however poorly orchestrated the chapters happen to be.
> 
> Also Rey's such a heartbreaker. What can I say? Pretty girls steal hearts. It's a universal law. Though beauty is not always in appearance but in the soul. Ok i’ll shut up.
> 
> Next time on Allie’s (SaveThePorgs) trashy-adventure-angst dump Cai’s parentage is revealed.
> 
> ANGST IS COMING (and winter in like four months) ...references
> 
> Please leave a comment if you liked this. It makes me happy and undoubtably a more productive writer.


	9. Taris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Note:** Yahna's daughter Aruka is in this chapter and her nickname Roo is used interchangeably with Aruka.

“How is it! How is it that he is gone?” Hux screamed at the visibly concussed storm troopers.

 

“I don't know sir. We didn't see sir. Someone hit us.”

 

“It's Supreme Leader not _Sir_. And what do you mean you didn't see them! Sleeping on the job? You’re demoted. Both of you. Report to hygiene. Let's see how much you enjoy unclogging drains!”

 

Hux was growing red in the face. This was meant to be his _moment_. But somehow that spoilt miscreant man-child Ren had escaped. Humiliating him once more.

 

Beside him Yahna swallowed. She looked surprisingly stoic. Hux guessed this was what was expected, associating with a psychopath. Despite everything however, she was a useful asset. He would have been unable to capture Ren without her. _Not that it mattered now_ _anyway_.

 

He turned to her, eyebrows raised, shaking with rage. “Who did this?”

 

“The security footage has been cut.” Yahna said softly. “Someone managed to hack into the Supremacy’s network and loop the video. _But_ we’ve conducted a search of the employee roster. Kylo’s maid has disappeared. The bitch that tried to stop me taking his lightsaber.  And…” Yahna lowered her voice. “Two of my knights also.”

 

“Your knights?” Hux spat. “I thought you had full control over them.”

 

“I thought I did. I guess I misjudged. And we should have kept a closer eye on the maid. Her loyalties to Ren were obvious. But this would have never happened if you hadn't left the key to Ren’s cell lying around in your new chambers.”

 

Hux felt the heat rising in his cheeks. “You dare to _blame_ me?”

 

Yahna's expression remained impartial, unchanged. “Neither of us couldn't have predicted this.” Her hands moved to his shoulders. Thumbs pressing sharply into his aching muscles. An involuntary groan escaped his lips. “He’s a fugitive.” Yahna whispered, her hot breath tickling his ear. Her hand crept down then, hovering around his waistband. Then it strayed lower, causing Hux to hiss sharply. “A fugitive accompanied by two teenagers and a _maid_. We meanwhile have the full power of the First Order behind us. He isn't going to cause us trouble.”

 

“No he isn’t.” Hux said reassuring himself. A number of sharp gasps escaped his mouth as she continued to stroke between his legs. He could feel his cock hardening, involuntarily. Yahna wasn't his usual type. Too old. Not the nubile nameless boys and girls he requested. The ones that would cry as he inflicted blows, patterning their skin a rosy hue as they whimpered subserviently. With Yahna it was different. He was definitely the one getting fucked in this relationship. But he knew he needed to keep her happy so he occasionally indulged her desires. Letting her think that she had him. Giving her the illusion of power.

 

This time however, he moved to grab her hand, stilling it. “You’re right about Ren. He won't cause us trouble. But we can't reveal that he has escaped. It will make our new leadership look weak. Especially so soon after the Coup. Ren had a number of supporters. Progressives. If they find out he is still alive they _will_ rebel, splitting the First Order apart. We need to go ahead with the execution.”

 

“Go ahead?” Yahna said puzzled.

 

“I have a number of spies working for me. Clawdites. Shapeshifters. We need to capture one of them. Get them to impersonate Ren. Then execute them. And film the execution, televising the whole affair, cutting the footage right at the death. Before the shapeshifter reverts back to its original form of course. It should be enough to fool the majority of people.”

 

Yahna laughed, her mouth curling into a smile.“You know, I underestimate you Hux.”

 

Hux inclined his head to acknowledge what he at least thought was a compliment. “We have to act fast. I’ll give you a list of targets. If they don't at first agree to impersonate Ren, torture them.”

 

Yahna nodded, removing her hand from his trousers. “It would be my pleasure.” She said, flashing white teeth.

 

Hux breathed a sigh of relief. It _would_ work. As a temporary measure at least. Meanwhile he would hunt down Ren and finally have the pleasure of killing him.

 

This time, it would be with his own hands.

 

* * *

 

 

They couldn't get his manacles off. Mandalorian iron indeed. Kylo swore. Three months with his hands chained had not been good for his sanity.

 

He sat in the dark living room moping. Across from him Rina’s elderly father Joran, regarded him menacingly. He got the feeling the man strongly disliked him.

 

His time on Taris had been _no_ holiday. Rina had insisted that it was that first place they went. “I’m not going anywhere without my daughter.” She told him when they had boarded the escape shuttle, commandeering the controls. And due to the fact that she _had_ just saved his life, Kylo wasn't really in a place to argue.

 

So now, they were stuck here on Taris, the four of them living in the cramped back room of Rina's father's ramshackle apartment. Until they could figure out how to get his manacles off. And then finally construct some sort of permanent escape plan.

 

Unfortunately the First Order presence on the planet had seemingly increased since they had first arrived, further complicating things.

 

“They’re going house to house. The First Order. Using a census as an excuse.” Kell had told him, after coming back home one day, carrying a bag of groceries, that she'd mind-tricked some merchant into giving her for free. “I think they are still looking for us. Despite the execution.”

 

Kylo nodded. “Of course they are.” He replied. He did not expect Hux to give up easily.

 

Watching himself die had admittedly been rather traumatizing. The First Order had transmitted the execution into every house, only days after he had escaped. Playing it on repeat, continuously. He had watched as the neck of the poor creature made to impersonate him was cut, blood pooling in a crimson puddle around their knees. The image haunted him at night, Kylo unable to stop reliving it. Maybe, because he had been so close to living out that fate.

 

“This _is_ Rina’s home planet. They’ll suspect we’ve escaped here.” He told Kell. “They will find them eventually. Rina’s family.” He said, the thought lingering ominously in his head, as he expelled the air from his lungs in a sigh.

 

And just as he predicted, a week later they did. A First Order official, flanked by a trio of storm trooper guards.

 

Rina’s father had answered the door while the four of them, plus Rina’s daughter Aruka hid in the back room. The door of which was concealed by a rather unfortunate tapestry, featuring severally barely clad twi'lek girls playing with each others lekku. As luck would have it however Joran’s grumpy old man act, which Kylo wasn't sure even was _an act_ , proved to be rather convincing.

 

“You are Joran Palfrey.” The official asked. “Father of Rina Tan?”

 

“What of it?” Joran grumbled.

 

“Your going to have to let us in, Sir. The First Order has some questions for you.”

 

“Fine.” He said, making a noncommittal sound as behind the next wall Kylo tensed. Muscles coiled. Ready to attack.

 

“So, what is this about?” Kylo heard Joran ask. His voice giving away nothing.

 

“When’s the last time you saw your daughter?”

 

“Must have been —seven, eight years ago? Got a job off-world. Ran off and left me with her kid. Why you asking?”

 

“Did you know that your daughter's a fugitive a criminal, a traitor of the First Order?”

 

“No.” Joran grunted. “Didn't know that. But I’m not surprised. She has a poor constitution that girl. Was always getting in trouble when she was young.”

 

“So, she definitely hasn’t come back here lately?”

 

“Why would she? Don't like me much.”

 

Kylo heard the First Order official cough. “You said she left you with a child. Where is it now?”

 

“Sold her.” Joran grunted. “Couldn't afford to keep her.”

 

Kylo then heard a crackle of paper. The man clearing his throat. “We know that Rina sent you money.” He said accusingly. Letting Joran know that the First Order had done their research.

 

“Never said she didn’t. Still, I couldn't afford her.”

 

“Despite being sent two hundred First Order credits a month?”

 

Joran again grunted. “Economies fucked and well, drinks expensive.”

 

The First Order official made a derisive sound obviously unimpressed by the scum he was currently dealing with.

 

“And your daughter hasn't come back here? To look for the child. You _do know_ the consequences of lying to the First Order.”

 

Joran sniffed, raising his voice. “Told you, I haven't seen her.” He growled. “If you don’t believe me then take me and kill me. Isn’t that what you do? Empire, First Order, it’s all the same to me. I’m not getting any younger and my leg hurts. You’d be doing me a favour.”

 

Kylo heard the official make an annoyed noise. “We’re done here.” He said, with resignation. “If you do see your daughter we expect you to inform the First Order immediately.”

 

“Fine.” Joran said grumpily. “Don't want no trouble.” The clank of clunky stormtrooper armor and the sound of Joran’s cane on stone followed. The front door finally closing.

 

They waited, with baited breath for several minutes before emerging. Rina immediately running to embrace her father.

 

“I’m glad you're okay.” She said hugging him.

 

His eyes softened as he hugged her back. “Anything for my baby girl.” He muttered. His eyes shifted to his granddaughter. “They won't be looking for Roo anymore, not after what I said.”

 

He then lifted his eyes up to glare at Kylo as well as Eno and Kell, letting them know that he was definitely not thrilled by his new house guests.

 

In the present, Kylo sat staring at his bound together hands. Kell and Eno were both out visiting welders and metalsmiths while Rina collected supplies. Kylo however, with his height and visible restraints had been deemed too conspicuous to leave the house.

 

He had spent the time, the numerous weeks of house arrest moping, and avoiding disapproving looks from Joran who somehow, disturbingly, reminded him of Han. He had also attempted to contact Rey multiple times through the bond only to be met by the misshapen colourful blur of child thoughts, which he presumed belonged to the boy. Leaving him even more confused. Rey thought he was dead though. She undoubtedly would have seen the execution footage. Death being one of the only things that could break a Force bond. So her thinking… Well, no wonder he couldn’t find her.

 

He miserably contemplated the irony of the situation. Rey had always wanted him to leave the First Order. And he had refused. It had been the one thing dividing them, a subject they both refused to compromise upon. But now when he had finally done it, he had managed to lose her also. Maybe this was how it was meant to be.

 

He should let her be happy. _Without him._ It was the selfless thing to do.

 

“Hey Kylo. Do you want to play dolls with me?” Aruka, Rina’s daughter asked, standing before him.

 

Turning his head to take one look at Joran’s bitter expression he quickly nodded. “Sure.” He said. Following her into the adjacent room.

 

“Why are they having tea?” Kylo asked, wondering what his life had come to. Serving plastic dolls imaginary beverages. “Why aren't they conquering their enemies?”

 

Roo shrugged. “It’s a tea party.” She said as if that justified the whole affair. “So, are you my new Dad or something?”

 

“What?” Kylo coughed, choking in surprise, tears welling in his eyes. “No! Of course not!”

 

“Hmmm, I guess that's a good thing.” She said, looking at him, her eyes narrowed. “You’re kind of scary. Do you know that?”

 

Kylo shrugged. Staring at the temperamental nine year old. With her dark skin, wide mouth and serious expression she looked like a miniature replica of her mother. The effect was almost frightening.

 

“I’m bored.” Roo said, sighing, her eyes turning to look at Kylo's dark locks. “Can I do your hair?”

 

“No…” Kylo began to say. But then when he saw Aruka’s lip beginning to tremble he relented. “Okay.” He said. “But don't tangle it.”

 

As Roo dragged a hairbrush through his hair however, Kell and Eno came into the room.

 

“The manacles.” Kell said breathlessly. “I think we’ve found someone who can do it. _Remove them_.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rey stood in the courtyard of the apartment building where Finn and Rose lived clutching her trusty old staff. Practicing lightsaber forms. It had been too long.

 

Shii-Cho, Soresu, Ataru, Shien. Shii-Cho, Soresu, Ataru, Shien. Shii-Cho, Soresu, Ataru, Shien. Shii-Cho…

 

She could feel her muscles burning from the repeated precision and speed of each move. The weight of her staff. Heavier than saber would be. A challenge. She forced herself to focus. Focus on the repetitive actions of each move. The flow. To wipe away the uncertainty and grief that plagued her.

 

Kylo Ren was dead. And she ...she did not know how to feel. Some days her heart burned, from the gravity, the profound heaviness of the loss, but most of the time she just felt numb, her body cold and unfeeling. As if were she stuck behind a pane of glass, watching life pass by. An observer, rather than an active participant.

 

She had seen the video. The First Order had played it on repeat for days, in homes, on the street. It always cut out just as he died. She had not recognized the Ren in those videos. It was him, obviously, even with his face swollen and bruised. But the fire in his eyes, it had gone, leaving only a hollow darkness. It was too much. Every time she saw it playing she had to close her eyes, turn away. Waiting for it to be over.

 

She had expected there to be pain when he died, a sharp piercing spit of agony as the bond beneath them was torn apart. But all she felt was emptiness. The unfulfillment of being alone.

 

And she was just that. _Alone._ They’d called off the engagement, her and Poe. They _had_ tried to make it work after… after their argument. But some fundamental part of their relationship had broken that night. After her admission that maybe deep down, she loved Ren. The execution had also made things worse. Kylo’s death leaving Rey visibly bereft. She knew her reaction was hurting Poe, but she could not suppress it. The grief. And her emotions for Ren were something he could never hope to understand. So finally, after a lot of talking, and a number of heated arguments they had finally broken up.

 

Poe had offered to move out of their shared apartment, but Rey feeling guilty about the thought of evicting him had instead left, taking Cai and moving in with Finn and Rose. In truth, though it wasn't about who left. Rey had simply needed her friends.

 

Rose and Finn had been sweet, graciously letting her and her son into their home. The small apartment was bright and cluttered, the walls all painted vivid colours. Little sculptures Rose had made from aircraft parts adorning windowsills and empty surfaces.

 

Thinking of the plainness her old apartment with Poe, Rey suddenly realised how empty their life had been. They lacked it, the messiness, the homeliness of two people together sharing one space. Creating memories to reminisce upon in their old age. Rey and Poe’s life together had been somehow utilitarian, only Cai with his books and possessions and toys, cementing them together.

 

Yet she _had_ loved Poe. Hadn't she?

 

So why, now that they were apart, did it feel like in someway she had been acting? Leading her to constantly dwell on whether it had been Poe she had wanted. Or the stable ordinary life that she knew he could give her.

 

The staff tightened in her hands. She continued to repeat the forms, though weary and plastered with a sheen of sweat.

 

Shii-Cho, Soresu, Ataru, Shien. Shii-Cho, Soresu, Ataru, Shien. Shii-Cho, Soresu, Ataru...

 

She didn’t want to think about it. The way her body reacted to him that night seemed almost a betrayal. She had just wanted to say goodbye, but the longing in his weary eyes had sparked something within her. Reigniting a fire long diminished.

 

It hadn't been sexual. _Holding him._ Holding him as he cried. Powerless and unready to meet his impending death. Yet something inside her missed the heat of his body, the way he enveloped her with his hugeness. Falling asleep in his arms had been cathartic, even though for once he had been the vulnerable one. Rey humming soothing lullabies into his ear.

 

Maybe that was the way it had always been, though. Him, secretly the weaker counterpart. Rey was _strong_ . Somewhat emotionally unavailable but _strong_ . But Ren, despite the facade of power, had been the opposite. He felt everything so acutely, sadness, anger, rage and perhaps also _love_.

 

But now he was _dead_. Dead and gone. She repeated the word in her head. Dead. Trying to get it to sink in. Kylo Ren was no more. Neither was Ben Solo.

 

The staff slipped from her hands, clattering to the floor.

 

Now was the time to figure out her part in all this. Once upon a time she thought it was to redeem Kylo Ren. She has seen it, years ago when she and Kylo had touched hands for the first time through the Force. A vision of her bringing him back to the light. But now Ren was dead. Perhaps she had no destiny. No great calling. Maybe this was it. Her and Cai, living out the spare room of her friends apartment. Adrift.

 

Kylo was _dead_.

 

Who was she without him? They has always been connected. Whatever role they played. Enemies, reluctant allies or lovers.

 

 _Dead_.

 

What did it matter? She had to _move on_. Crouching, she picked her staff off the ground and then reluctantly walked backed indoors.

 

She sat and ate dinner with Finn and Rose, Rose’s spicy cooking burning the back of her throat. Rey was unused such to flavourful food. After years of eating tasteless rations on Jakku, plain rice and vegetables were often all she could stomach. She moved the food around her plate trying to arrange it in a way that would look like she’d eaten more than she had. Meanwhile Rose and Finn sat and listened to Cai talking about his latest project, a spaceship he had fashioned out of a plastic rocket.

 

Rose grinned at Finn. “Maybe we should have one.”

 

Finn grimaced. “I think we should start small. Get an iguana first. Or a Voorpak.”

 

“Maybe you’re right. For _now_. But you aren’t getting away forever.” Rose laughed grabbing his arm. “I need someone to take care of me in my old age.”

 

Finn just laughed and shook his head.

 

Rey smiled, happy that her friends were happy. But grief still tugged at her stomach, the voice in her head repeating, Ren is dead, Ren is dead, over and over. She forced herself to swallow a few more mouthfuls of food, before politely dismissing herself from the table.

 

Sitting alone on her bed in the spare room, she attempted to meditate, listening to the rhythm of her shallow breaths. _It will get better,_ she told herself. It will get better.

 

When she had finally managed to calm herself, Cai walked into the room. He was six now, almost seven, and vastly self-aware for his age. Something that had puzzled her.

 

“Are you sad?” He said looking at her.

 

“No sweetie. I’m okay. Things have just been a little difficult lately.”

 

“With Uncle Poe?”

 

“No, things with me and Uncle Poe are good. I’m sorry we can’t live together anymore.”

 

“It’s okay Mama. I still see him a lot. So, why are you sad?”

 

Rey swallowed. “I’m not sad. Honestly. I’m fine.”

 

“It is Kylo Ren?”

 

Rey froze, looking up, and narrowing her eyes. Staring at his blank face, tan and freckled like hers, dark eyebrows raised thoughtfully. Wondering how it was that he _knew_.

 

“He’s sad too.” Cai whispered and she could bear it no longer.

 

He’s _dead_ Cai. Okay. Dead! I don’t want to talk about him. I’m sorry but your Mama can’t talk to you about this. Not now. Maybe not ever.

 

Rey turned away, standing up, heading for the door. She needed fresh air. And to drink Corellian whisky in some shabby old cantina downtown. Somewhere where she could sit and feel sorry for herself. And most importantly, be alone.

 

She paused looking down at Cai. “Rose will tell you a story tonight okay?” She said, before walking out of the apartment into the muggy summer air. Not yet ready to let go.

 

* * *

 

 

He felt stupid walking around in the blond wig.

 

Eno grabbed at his sleeve pulling him through the crowded streets. Setting a punishing pace.

 

“Keep your eyes down.” He said. "This is not the day for you to get recognized.”

 

Kylo doubted anyone would recognise him. With blond hair and ridiculous glasses, dressed as a radar technician. His bound hands hidden by a shawl. But he complied, drawing his eyes down to the ground. From what he'd seen of Taris, there wasn’t much point of looking. Everything was obscured anyway by shimmer of polluted air, a yellow haze that burned his esophagus and lungs, choking him. He pulled the shawl around his face, eyes watering.

 

“Why are you helping me?” He asked Eno as they walked. He hardly recognized the boy or his red headed twin, two of his knights, being preoccupied by other matters for too long.

 

“Rina asked me.” Eno said simply. “It seemed better then staying with Yahna and Hux.”

 

Kylo nodded.

 

They continued to walk for a while, until Eno broke the silence. “I never liked the First Order. Yahna's training, killing people. But these past few years, I appreciated what you were doing, what we were doing. Murdering the heads of the crime syndicates operating the Outer Rim, the slavers. Me and Kell were slaves, before Luke found us on Nar Shaddaa. When you’re a slave, your future, it's always a solid thing. I knew when I grew up, I would spend my life doing hard labour, the grueling work free people did not want to do. And that Kell would become a skin girl.

 

When Luke found us, he only wanted to take me. I was the best pickpocket in Hutta Town. Could lift from money from pockets with the Force so quickly that no one ever noticed until I was already gone. Kell however, Kell could barely get a pebble to roll. When Luke said he’d train, I refused to go. Not without Kell, I couldn't imagine leaving her alone. To live as a skin girl. In misery. Luckily Luke took us both.”

 

“That was good of him. _Luke_.” Kylo said softly.

 

Eno laughed. “Ironically Kells is better at almost everything now. She’s a good fighter, amazing at hand to hand combat. And mind tricks, well those are her speciality.” Eno turned to him then a darkness in her eyes. “We’re done with that though. Fighting, _killing_. If you want someone to fight your battles, get revenge on Hux, find someone else. We’re done.”

 

Kylo immediately pictured Hux. Imagining taking revenge on him. But the image fell flat. He no longer knew what he wanted. Apart from getting rid of these shackles and finding a way of this kriffing shitpile of a planet.

 

“I just want to be able to move my hands.” He said, flatly. “Hux can wait.”

 

“Well.” Eno said pulling him into a dark side alley. "You’ll be happy to know we're here.”

 

“This is Matt.” Eno said to the metalsmith as Kylo sat in the corner glowering. “He’s got himself in a bit of trouble with the First Order. Needs to get some manacles removed.

 

The metalsmith, skin wrinkled and rough from years on standing over fires, looked him up and down, giving him the once over. “Big fucker.” He growled at Eno. “Radar technician are you? Must have being picking up some dodgy transmissions to get in this sort of trouble. Important _secrets_.”

 

“I just need them off. Kylo said, voice filled with annoyance. We can pay.”

 

“Well it's gonna cost you. First Orders not the sort of people you wanna mess with.”

 

Kylo sighed handing over the last of the money they’d brought to Taris with them.

 

“Good.” The metalsmith said, examining the manacles more closely. “These are Mandalorian iron. No ion-tool is gonna cut through these!” He exclaimed. “Didn't know the First Order used Mandalorian iron. It's pretty rare. You got the Force or something? “

 

“Do I look like I have the Force!” Kylo snapped, aware of how stupid and unthreatening Matt the radar technician looked. “Can you get them off or not?”

 

“Sure. But you're not gonna like it. It’s gonna hurt. Only way to do it is to heat the metal until it expands. You’ll have burns for the rest of your life.”

 

Kylo gritted his teeth.

 

“Do it.” He said voice hoarse and low in his throat.

 

“The heat protective gloves are around 90% effective. The metalsmith said handing him a pair to put on. “Wait until the metal glows white to take your hands out of the furnace.” He told him. “Otherwise this won't work.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Kylo plunged his hands into the fire. A wave a blistering heat enveloping him. His skin itching, drops of sweat pouring down his back. Yet the gloves kept the flames from devouring his hands, the heat simply cloying and uncomfortable. Every second however was punishing, his skin itching, breath tightening in his lungs. Around a minute passed. Kylo watching mesmerized as the metal around his wrists glowed changing from silver to red to yellow and then beginning to glow white. But as the metal began to glow taking on a blue-ish glow the gloves, the heat protecting gloves, began to burn away. And then suddenly the overwhelming heat transformed into pain, a tortured scream escaping his mouth.

 

Kylo jumped back, pulling his hands from the fire,  the skin around his wrists red and weeping, like raw meat.

 

“Get them off!” He shouted at the Metalsmith. “Now!”

 

Kylo gasped crying as the cuffs were eased down his hands before clattering to the floor. He pulled of tattered remains of the gloves, black spots appearing before his eyes.

 

Somehow with the help of Eno he managed to get back to Rina’s, blisters already forming around the angry swollen flesh of the burns. He was sweating, pain and heat combining in a strange fever. His thoughts panicked and wild, no longer coherent. His lucidity fading.

 

As soon as he crossed the threshold, he felt his feet giving from beneath him. His consciousness subsiding.

 

He collapsed into a pain induced delirium.

 

* * *

 

 

_The boy sits in the corner of the room, rocking._

 

_“Where is your sense of responsibility Han! You can’t keep smuggling, not now I have an important position in the senate. It reflects badly on us. On me.” His mother shouts._

 

_In the other room something breaks._

 

_“You used to have a sense of adventure.” His father curses, overflowing with rage._

 

_“We were young, fighting against the Empire! The game has changed. There are rules now. For the good of everyone.” His mother screams back. Something hits the walls and shatters, the sound bright, like glass._

 

_“So why does it feel like we are still living under the Empire? I thought things would change. I thought we would be free.”_

 

_“Things have changed!” He hears the annoyance in his mother’s voice._

 

_“Not for the better! I thought it would just be you and me, Leia. Not all this backstabbing and politics. It’s like living in a snake pit.”_

 

_“It’s my duty.” His mother snaps. “As princess of Alderaan. Even though my planet has gone, its citizens still remain scattered across the galaxy. Not everybody died. I have to represent their interests.”_

 

_Another crash._

 

_“You don’t have to do anything, it’s always been your choice.” His father swears, a word his mother has forbidden him to say. “Admit it, you enjoy the attention.”_

 

_“You’re so immature Han.” His mother hisses, offended. “What i’m doing is important work. The centrists are growing in power. Someone has to oppose them.” She pauses sighing. “I know what you are trying to do. You’re trying to distract me from the real issue. Why is the Cargo bay of the Falcon full of unrefined bacta?”_

 

_“Kriff Leia. I’m just doing a favour for a friend.”_

 

_“One of your crime buddies?” His mother laughs. “How is it that you are familiar with every lowlife in the galaxy. Tell me, is this friend paying you?”_

 

_“Look it’s just some bacta! It could be worse.”_

 

_“Worse? Unrefined bacta is explosive! What do you mean worse. Are you going to be smuggling death sticks next time. This is the last time I leave our son alone with you.”_

 

_His father swears and the boy hears a heavy thud, the sound reverberating through the walls. He presses his hands tighter against his ears._

 

_“Why did you marry me if you hate me so much!” His father growls, and he hears more sounds of furniture breaking. He turns around, not wanting to hear this anymore, wanting to be anywhere but here listening to his parents tear each other apart. As he opens his eyes however, instead of being met by the familiar sight of his childhood bedroom, toy speeders and miniature wookies, he finds himself staring at the shadowy figure of a boy. A boy who he had seen many times before. On the periphery of his dreams, his nightmares. Always watching. Rey’s son._

 

_And then suddenly he is himself again, jaded and scarred, not little Ben Solo. But Kylo Ren. He towers above the boy._

 

_“You’ve been watching me…” Kylo says approaching the boy. Then it suddenly dawns on him. This is real. In part. Yes he is dreaming, but the boy, the boy is not just his imagination. He is really here. “You’ve been watching me for a while.”_

 

_The boy nods._

 

_Kylo stares a his skinny boy, his bright hazel eyes. Just like his mothers. “Your Rey’s son.”_

 

_“Cai.” The boy says, eyeing him warily._

 

_Kylo narrows his eyes. “How are you here? I’m asleep.”_

 

_“I can see into people's dreams. Mama says it’s an unusual Force ability. I’m not supposed to do it. But sometimes I can't stop.”_

 

_“It's difficult having the Force." Kylo replies. “Especially when you can't control it, it can feel like you're going to explode. Is anyone teaching you?”_

 

_“No.” The boy replies. “There isn't anyone, and Mama’s sad.” He tilts his chin up, eyes burning into Kylo’s. “She thinks your dead.”_

 

_“The majority of the galaxy thinks I’m dead right now.” Kylo whispers._

 

 _The boys eyes narrow. “You’re in pain.” He says. “Even now you're asleep, you’re in pain. I can feel it. Even in the day sometimes. You.”_ _The boy kicks at the ground. “I feel your thoughts sometimes. Mama was right. You aren't a nice person.”_

 

_“Your Mama says I’m not a nice person?”_

 

_“Yes.” He spits, lip trembling. “She should be happy you’re dead. Not sad.”_

 

_“Why, what have I done to her?” He asks, realizing he probably doesn't want an answer to that question. He’s done plenty. But he thought that the last time they’d met, they had finally come to an understanding. That she'd forgiven him._

 

_However what the boy says next stumps him._

 

_“You’re Kylo Ren.” He cries. You killed my father!”_

 

_"Actually, i'm pretty sure that the pilot is alive.” He says with a tone of derision._

 

_The boys looks confused for a moment before becoming becoming even angrier. “Uncle Poe isn't my Dad! He just lives with Mama. Well, ...he used to.”_

 

_“Oh.” Kylo says visibly confused. Rey hadn't ever explicitly said that Poe was the father, but she hadn't corrected him when he thought as much._

 

_He scours his mind making a list of everyone he's killed, narrowing it down to anyone Rey explicitly knew. His mind stops, pausing on one name. Luke. Oh, kriff. A wave of nausea ripples through him as mental images of Rey and his Uncle together flood his mind._

 

_He staggers back dizzy. “Luke! Your father was Luke?”_

 

_“No!” The boy says, now looking even more distraught. “You don’t even remember him do you! You’ve killed too many people."_

 

_At this point, Ren is beyond confused. He hasn't killed anyone in a long time. Not since Snoke. “Who?” He says. “You have to tell me. Who?”_

 

_A tear washes down the boys face. “Ben Solo! You killed my father. You killed Ben Solo!”_

 

_At the words Ben Solo, the air leaves his lungs._

 

_“That’s impossible...” he whispers._

 

_“No.” The boy shouts. “You’re Kylo Ren. Mama told me, told me you killed my father. Ben Solo. Don't lie to me!”_

 

_Kylo stares down at the boy. He can see Rey in the child. In his tanned skin, freckles, his hazel eyes. But then he focuses, looking closer, at his black curls, dark eyebrows, his sticking-out ears. And suddenly he sees it. The similarity. Everything finally making sense. The boys strength with the Force. The fact the child could see him through the bond. And fact he could see the boy. It made sense. Even his age. When him and Rey had… When he slept with her there hadn't been any protection. ...It all made sense._

 

_His heart gallops in his chest. He has a child. A son._

 

_And Rey, Rey has been lying to him for the past seven years._

 

_“I am Kylo Ren.” He tells the boy. Cai. “But I didn't kill Ben Solo. Ben Solo’s the name I was born with. I am Ben Solo.”_

 

_Cai stares at him in shock. Shock mixed with disbelief._

 

_“I am your father."_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn’t go exactly how I planned but i’m not one of those people who are capable of outlining. I. JUST. WRITE. (And then Kylo ends up playing doll tea party and dressing up as Matt).
> 
> For all of you who were wondering why Cai’s parentage was taking so long to be revealed basically it’s because i’m really into the mythology aspect in Star Wars and whole history repeating itself stuff, so it was never going to be Rey that told him. But Cai himself, leading to a ‘I am your father’ moment. Darth Vader is definitely my 2nd favourite Darth. As for number 1 well… #mauledforlife
> 
> Yahna btw is inspired by Eve from Killing Eve. Though a more evil version, I guess. If you are looking for TV shows to watch, definitely check out Killing Eve. It’s about psychopaths and female sexuality and all that good stuff :)
> 
> Also just to justify what I mean when Hux said ‘too old’. Hux isn’t a pedophile. I am _not_ going there. It would disturb me too much writing about that shit. He’s simply ones of those guys who fancies himself as a Dom, but in a way that exploits vulnerable people. Kink is great when it's consensual just don't do it with Hux.
> 
>  **Next time** ...the fallout from Kylo’s discovery. And Force ghost!Luke. Fasten your seat belts guys..
> 
> [ My Writing Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/almalino/playlist/1TBt67hFnAhPqvKzhzZFec)if anyone's interested, plus i've included [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBvxcV4ngxA) that represents Cai's dreams which is not on spotify.


	10. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey saves herself in this one...
> 
> Note: There's some attempted sexual assault in this chapter. (Kylo’s not involved don't worry, he’s a good boi).
> 
> It's admittedly very tame, however I know it's a trigger for some people so I’m just putting a warning out there

Rey sat in a bar, sipping Corellian whisky. Alone. In the five-ish hours she’d been there, she had watched the sun both set and rise again. It was the height of summer, and the nights were short.

 

Ordering a third glass, she savoured the smoky taste of amber liquid. The burn it created as ran down her throat, hitting her stomach. Her thoughts once sharp and bitter, had been dulled. The edge taken off them. Yet she could not stop the darkness that crept into her mind, an aphotic fog assaulting her. Even as her head spun, the peripheries of her vision taking on a warm glow.

 

She had never been good at processing her feelings, but now it was as if she could not escape them. The burden of duty and bittersweet loss. She wondered who she really was. She recalled the past, the white hot heat and coarse sand on her skin, the constant edge of hunger. On Jakku she had teetered on the brink of starvation, the portions she traded for providing her with barely enough energy to scavenge for the next meal. A vicious cycle. But she was no longer the scavenger. Neither was she however a Jedi. She had given that up. Given that up for a life with Poe and her child. Unwilling to look deep into herself, and find that calm centre inside, which she needed to become one.

 

Tortured by the realisation that her life had been a serious of dead ends, she decided to get another drink.

 

After her fourth whiskey, she finally compelled herself to get up and leave. Perhaps get some sleep. She had been avoiding her problems for too long. She downed her glass and slammed it down on the table leaving a five credit note beneath it as a tip.

 

However as she left the bar and walked through a series of alleyways, the cool dawn sun just barely warming her shoulders, she felt something was amiss. She tried to walk faster, but her feet felt uncoordinated, like phantom appendages she could not fully control. But she was sure now, that someone was following her. She could sense it in the Force, in the thin hairs that stood up on the back of her neck. Even in her drunken state she could _feel_ it. She spun around rapidly, teetering a little. Looking around behind her. _No one_. But she swore she had just heard footsteps. Rey pushed her feet far apart and bent her knees ever so slightly, an attack stance.

 

“Who are _you_. What do you want?” She called out to the emptiness before her.

 

Suddenly two stormtroopers emerged from the shadows. Approaching her.

 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out so late. Or so _early_?” One of them said, taunting her.

 

A hint of fear ate at her. Nervousness, mixed with the nausea that already pulled at her stomach. What if they recognised her? They could call the First Order now and the Resistance would compromised. _Her friends_.

 

Like all the core planets, Eufornis was occupied by the First Order. They’d known that when they had come here. That they’d be living amongst the enemy. But the Resistance had a number of contacts here. Wealthy ones that funded the activities of various Resistance cells. X-Wings had a tendency of getting destroyed. And fighters were expensive. So Poe stayed here doing a lot of political maneuvering.

 

However, despite the First Order presence, life seemed to go on as normal. Rey and Poe had lived in a relatively affluent neighbourhood where citizens were for the most part left alone. Where she was now however, was not a nice part of the city.

 

“I was at a bar.” She said flatly, not bothering to lie. Already knowing they had been tailing her from the Cantina. A drunk girl like her was an easy target. _Or so they thought._

 

“Drowning your sorrows?” The second one asked.

 

“Something like that.” Rey mumbled. “But I think it's time for me to be getting back. _Back home_.”

 

The two stormtroopers drew closer. Rey found herself feeling more intimidated than usual. She could not tell what the intentions of the men before her were, not when their faces were obscured by expressionless helmets. Their voices modulated. But she suspected what they wanted to do to her. And it was not anything pleasant.

 

“Show us your identification citizen.” The first one said. “Loitering is a fineable offense. And so is public drunkenness.”

 

“I wasn't loitering!” Rey protested. She palmed the pockets of her tunic finding only a few scrunched up banknotes. Remembering that she had left her forged identification card back at Finn and Rose’s. She swallowed and took a breath. “My ID…I don’t have it. I left it at home.”

 

The trooper on the right laughed, the sound coming out twisted and dissonant through his helmet. “No identification? That's a serious offense. A couple of months in a penal colony at least. A nice girl like you doesn’t want that does she? But maybe if you do us a little favour…” The stormtrooper palmed his crotch and again laughed.

 

Rey recoiled in disgust. “ _Look_ , I can go home and get it. I don’t want any trouble.”

 

“You _are_ already in trouble, little lady.”

 

The stormtrooper on the left grabbed her shoulder pulling her towards him. Rey hissed and jumped away, stumbling a little. Why had she drunk so much?

 

“She doesn't want to play.” The right stormtrooper laughed. “A shame. Grab her.” He instructed his colleague. “I’ll go first.”

 

And then suddenly both of them advanced upon her, attempting to restrain her as she twisted and dodged their attacks barely being able to keep her balance. Though she was tall for Jakku standards the troopers towered over her. One of them managed to grab her from behind, gripping her tightly around the waist. She kicked out at the second trooper, foot connecting with his armour, only managing to hurt her foot. Ignoring her, he pulled at her top. She began to panic. Somehow, she managed to pull her hand free, closing her eyes and focusing with all her strength.

 

The Force crackled through her body like electricity and suddenly the trooper before her was flying back, his body connecting with the alley walls with a sickening thud. A trickle of blood flowing out of the bottom of his helmet.

 

“Wait, you’re... you’re ...one of _them._ ” The second trooper exclaimed in astonishment. Fear coloured his voice. He jumped back releasing her and turned to run.

 

But Rey wasn't finished. He couldn't get away. Not knowing what he knew. With a casual swipe of her hand, his feet left the ground and he was too catapulted into the wall, his body making a sickening crack.

 

“My arm. ...You broke it.” The stormtrooper cried.

 

“You deserve it!” Rey spat. “After what you tried to _do_.” She walked towards him slowly. Holding him down with the Force. She pressed her fingertips to the edge of the helmet, lifting in of his head.

 

“Please.” The Stormtrooper cried in horror.

 

Maskless, her assailant was not intimidating. Pasty, with a smattering of acne, he looked like he had barely finished puberty. There was fear in his eyes.

 

“None of this ever happened.” She said staring him in the face. “You slipped and broke your arm. You’re going to leave now and report to the nearest medical centre with no memory of ever seeing me.”

 

“None of this ever happened. I slipped and broke my arm. I’m going to report to the nearest medical centre with no memory of seeing you.”

 

“Good.” Rey said. She moved to regard the second stormtrooper. She pulled off his helmet and took his pulse, getting his blood on her. Sticky and red. _Still alive_. She breathed a sigh of relief. Concentrating, she delved into his mind, erasing all of his recollections of her. A trick she had learnt from Kylo Ren.

 

Then finally, when it was done she keeled over and proceeded to be sick.

 

She stumbled back to Finn and Rose's, covered in dirt and blood. Smelling of vomit, tunic torn at her shoulder. She opened the door as quietly as possible not wanting Finn and Rose to see her like this. She needed a shower, however as she crept to the bathroom she was met by Cai, tears in his eyes. A look of betrayal on his face.

 

“You lied to me Mama.” He whispered. “My father's not dead. Why didn't you tell me? That Ben Solo is Kylo Ren.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo woke up with a start. Sweating, wrists burning, head aching. _Parched_.

 

He swung his head around wildly. Dizzy. Stars blinking before his eyes. Until finally his vision cleared, eyes focusing on the person beside him. Rina.

 

“You went into shock.” She said calmly. “You’ve been out for two days. We gave you some Bacta, but it’s the low grade stuff. The burns they won’t heal quickly. But at least your fever's come down.”

 

Rina lifted a damp rag, dabbing at his clammy forehead. The cool sensation felt amazing but he twisted away. There wasn't time to be lying around, not when…

 

“I have a son.” He whispered hoarsely to her.

 

“What?” Rina said, voice filled with confusion.

 

“He came to me in a dream. Rey’s son. We were talking, and he said… He said that his father was Ben Solo. My birth name.”

 

Rina looked at him, lips pursed. “Are you sure, ...are you sure you weren't dreaming.” She asked voice full of concern. “That it wasn't a hallucination? You had a high fever. Fever's can make you see things, you know. Things that aren't actually true.”

 

“No.” Kylo said sharply. “No, it’s real. I _know_ that it is. I’ve been seeing that boy for months in my sleep. I never thought it was real then. But now… Now I know.”

 

Rina swallowed. “This Rey, she’s the scavenger right. Your scavenger?” She said, trying to piece the story together.

 

“She's not mine.” He hissed. “She _never_ was.” He continued bitterly. “Seven years. Seven years she’s hidden him from me. Let me think that he was some Resistance pilot's son!” He pulled himself up, muscles protesting, but his whole body was screaming, rage burning up inside him, compelling him to punch something.

 

Rina however grabbed his arms. “Stop Kylo. _Breathe_. Getting angry about it's not going to change anything. If you dare break my ornaments…”

 

Kylo complied body going limp in Rina's grip. Fists uncurling. When his breathing finally calmed, returning to a normal rhythm, the heat receding from his blood, he spoke.

 

“I’m leaving.” He said, flatly. “I need to see him. Talk to him. My son.”

 

“Kylo.” Rina protested. “It's dangerous. The First Order, they’re still looking for us.”

 

“Yes it is. But they’ll be scouring the whole galaxy. _Everywhere_. It will always be dangerous, wherever we go. Wasn't this our plan anyway. To find your father and Roo, get my manacles off, then leave this place. Wasn't that what we originally agreed on?

 

Rina nodded. _Yes._ “It _was."_  She said, forehead wrinkling into a frown. “But now I’m wondering if it would be safer to stay here. Safer for me and Roo. Taris isn't a paradise but…”

 

“It’s your decision.” Kylo said, softly. “But whether you come with me or not, I have to leave. Tomorrow.” He leaned towards her, catching Rina’s gaze. “But, I meant what I said. When I promised to give you and Roo a better life. Whatever happens, I will keep my word.”

 

Rina nodded and promptly left the room, looking deep in thought.

 

Kylo got up, still dizzy and too hot, and trudged towards the bathroom. He needed a shower. The water always smelt oddly metallic and came out freezing cold, but with his clammy skin it was a relief. Even if it drew all the air out his lungs. His limbs felt strange, jittery, restless. He could not stop the thought running through his head.  

 

I have a son. I have a son. I have a son.

 

It was all he could think about. The same four words repeating endlessly. The revelation that he had a son, it had shocked him. Emotions churning inside him raw and unfettered.

When he saw the boy, what would he say? And Rey. He could feel the anger rising up inside. A veil of red before his eyes. Rey _,_ she had lied to him. Not told him. Not told him, when it was his right. There was a child out there, a child that was half of him.

 

 _A son_.

 

How many opportunities had she had to tell him? _So many_. When she curled up against him, in that First Order cell, as he awaited his death, whispering comforting words into his ear, had it all been an act? A ruse. Her carding her fingers through his hair. Holding him. He thought that they had finally come to some sort of understanding. She had forgiven him and he had let her go. But now he knew. That it had all been a lie.

 

He took a number of breaths in restraint. An attempt not to go crazy and punch everything.

 

Switching off the cold water, he grabbed a towel and dried himself. He would find the boy.

 

As he emerged from the bathroom however, he was met by Rina, Eno and Kell waiting for him.

 

“We’ve discussed it and decided.” Rina said softly. “We’re going to come with you. To find your son.”

 

* * *

 

 

Hux was woken early by a sonorous ringing from the comm that sat on his desk across the room. He regarded it with extreme annoyance. He allocated exactly six and a quarter hours of sleep per night cycle and did not like it to be disrupted.

 

_If this was not a matter of dire importance…_

 

Sighing and wiping the sleep from his eyes he got up to answer.

 

“What is it?” He snapped, suppressing a yawn.

 

“Supreme Leader.” A voice said on the other end. Mitaka. “We’ve found someone using the Force. On Eufornis Major. One of the stormtroopers stationed there was discovered with strange injuries this morning so we scanned the footage taken by his helmet. And we identified a Force sensitive.”

 

 _A Force sensitive_. The First Order found one of them once in a while. Usually relatively harmless, unable of doing more than moving a pebble a couple of inches. Still, Hux would have them dispatched regardless.

 

“Show me the video.” He said, with an air of disinterest. Likely some old crone performing 'magic tricks’ for pennies or a dirty pickpocket lifting notes. Still it could be Ren. Who had managed to evade him for the last few months. He pressed the play button.

 

The footage was dark, dawn sun barely risen, weak rays shining down upon an alleyway. And a girl was walking alone. Visibly drunk, her steps taking her in a zigzag rather than a straight line. At some point she stopped turning, knowing she was being followed. Then two stormtroopers appeared, trying to extort money. They asked for her identification, but she had none. So they grabbed her, and then suddenly her assailants were flying through the air, knocked back against the alley walls. If the girl was sensible she would have run, but instead she stopped, kneeling in front of the injured man. Hux paused the video.

 

 _That face_. He knew that face.

 

The footage was blurry and dark, but her face and eyes and hair, matched the vivid picture in his memory. She was the scavenger that Ren blamed for Snoke's death. The one the Resistance called the Last Jedi.

 

Hux started to to laugh. If she was there, then it likely meant the Resistance was also on Eufornis Major. He could destroy them once and for all. He paused, a plan coming together in his mind. The girl, he realised was important. Important to Ren. He perhaps even loved her, a sentiment that made Hux’s stomach curdle. He could capture her, and destroy the Resistance in one swift move. But he had to act quick. Who knew how long the Resistance would remain on the planet?

 

He picked up the comm. “Mitaka. Scan the all security cameras in a ten mile radius of the video. I want to find her. The Force sensitive. She's going to lead us to the Resistance.”

 

“Yes Supreme Leader.” Mitaka. “I’ll order an analysis at once.”

 

Hux smiled. Knowing that Ren would do anything to save the girl. Knowing that he would finally have some leverage, an opportunity to get rid of him once and for all. All he had to do is capture the girl.

 

He picked up the comm for a second time, calling Yahna.

 

“Hux.” She responded voice full of acid. “Do you have to call me this early. I was asleep.”

 

“Well your awake now.” He said. “And it just happens that I have a mission for you.

  
Today, we will _end_ the Resistance.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I need ...I need a shower.” Rey stuttered at Cai.

 

“Why didn't you tell me!” He cried grabbing her arm. “Why did you lie!”

 

She pulled her arms around Cai, despite them being covered in dried blood and embraced him. Holding him, despite his attempts to wriggle from her grip.

 

“Because Kylo Ren is dangerous. Unpredictable, violent, angry. There’s a good side to him - some of the person he used to be - Ben Solo. But I didn't, I couldn't trust him with you.”

 

“Well _now_ he knows!”

 

“Cai, Kylo Ren’s dead!” Rey exclaimed. “The First Order sentenced him to death!”

 

“No he isn't. I talked to him. He _told_ me. He told me he was my father!”

 

“Where? ...When.” Rey asked, forehead wrinkling. _How did he know?_ Someone must have let something slip. “Are you sure it wasn’t Finn or Rose that told you.”

 

“No.” Cai shouted, face growing pink. “It was him, Kylo Ren. He told me, in my dreams.”

 

Rey froze. _Could it be_? That Ren had managed to escape. That the First Order had somehow faked the execution footage.

 

But it looked so _real._

 

“Sweetheart. It could have been a vision. Kylo Ren is dead. I saw it with my own eyes.”

 

“No it was him! I can feel him. In my head Mama. I’ve always been able to feel him. And it’s getting stronger.”

 

Rey opened her mouth and closed it. Could it be that he was talking about a Force bond? The Force bond between them had over the years weakened and then stuttered out completely like a dying flame. Rey thought it was because of time and distance and then his untimely death, but perhaps something completely different had happened. Perhaps Cai had inherited the bond, a string that grew in strength as he got older. Drawing from her own Force bond with Ren until it dwindled and completely disappeared.

 

Perhaps Ren _was_ alive. But if so, then it meant he _knew_. He knew about Cai. Her list of problems was about to increase exponentially.

 

“You kept him away from me.” Cai cried, still watching her with an expression coloured with heartbreak and distrust. “My father!”

 

“Cai… I”

 

“What’s going on?” A door across the hall opened to reveal a sleepy Finn, accompanied by a dazed looking Rose. “Wait, Rey, why is there blood on your clothes?”

 

“It’s nothing.” Rey mumbled. “I’m taking a shower and then I’m going to Poe’s. Cai... Cai had a dream. He thinks Ren’s still alive. I think he needs to know.”

 

“What?” Rose said. “Seriously? Whoever found that look-alike for his assassination should win some sort of award.”

 

Rose turned to smile at Finn, but he looked distracted, deep in thought.

 

“Clawdites.” Finn muttered. “When I was a trooper the First Order had Clawdite spies. They’re shapeshifters, albeit usually poor ones. But it _could_ … it could work.

 

“So he really is alive.” Rey whispered to herself. Her traitorous heart began to beat faster in her chest, and she was filled with a strange wave of emotions. Elation, joy but also fear.

 

How would he react to Cai. And _her._  Knowing that she hidden the truth from him. The existence of his son. So many times she’d had the opportunity to tell him. But something had always stopped her. But that last time, the last time she had seen him, when he had told her he wanted her to be happy with Cai and Poe, it had completely broken her, shattering her fragile soul from the inside out.

 

But she needed him. The Resistance needed him. To end the the tyranny of the First Order, once and for all. Rey sighed taking a deep breath. She hoped he would forgive her.

 

“I'm sorry for waking you guys.” Rey said softly, regarding Finn and Rose.

 

But Finn just smiled. “I think you better take a shower. You look scarier than usual Rey and that is saying something. I hope whoever you picked a bar fight with deserved it.”

 

Rey nodded, wishing it had been that simple. Some bar fight with an asshole, not two stormtroopers looking for a helpless victim.

 

Rose giggled. "There’s pain meds in the bathroom cabinet for your hangover if you need them.” She said winking.

 

Rey turned to Cai. “You're going to see your father soon.” She said, leaning down and kissing his forehead. “I promise. I’m going to make this right.”

 

Walking down to the abandoned warehouse the Resistance was currently operating out of, Rey felt a little queasy. The last thing she wanted to do was to tell her ex-fiance that Ren was alive, especially when he was the reason behind their breakup, but Rey knew it was important.

 

Hux’s new leadership had only brought terror and poverty, patrols in the streets, harsher punishments for misdemeanors. And many opposed it. Amongst the common people and higher up. If people found out Ren was alive, it would split the First Order down the middle, tearing it apart from the inside. So Poe had to know. It was essential, for the Resistance, for the galaxy, for democracy.

 

She inputted the passcode into the rusty durasteel lock hearing the door creak and clang open. Inside in this distance she heard Poe humming. She smiled and approached him Cai walking behind her, sweaty hand curled around her fingers. But then just as he noticed her, his body curled around an X-Wing, Rey’s hand lifted in a wave, the sky shattered.

 

The roof of the warehouse cracked open like a egg, but Rey was already on the floor clutching her ears. The sound of the explosion had torn through her. A blinding pain in front of her eyes. The noise so loud and offensive it had rolled over her like a wave, knocking her over, the pressure in her head all wrong.  A high pitched ringing in her ears.

 

_The First Order had come._

 

Rey rolled over to stare a the now open sky. But any hint of cobalt blue and cloud that had been once present had been replaced by the ominous grey of a star destroyer, that hung low in the sky above them. Blocking out the suns rays. And around her lay piles of smoking debris. The remnants of the warehouse roof, durasteel warped and curved and along with sheet metal and tile. In the corner an X-wing burst into flame, the heat causing sweat to bead on her clammy forehead.

 

Rey pulled herself off the ground head spinning, ears ringing. Experiencing a weird sense of vertigo. Spinning around, she spotted Poe lying unconscious on the ground amongst the rubble. She gasped, searching wildly for Cai who was no longer by her side.

 

“Cai!” she screamed. But she could nolonger hear her own voice. Only the rawness in her throat. All her ears could pick up was a low echo as if she had been submerged underwater. Rey closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to clear her head of the fuzziness, the disorientation that plagued her. But it was no use.

 

“Cai,” she cried again, feeling helpless, eyes filling with tears as she searched around fruitlessly.

 

And then suddenly she spotted him. A small figure in the corner, curled into the a ball. She ran over to him, breathless, lungs ravaged by dust and ash. Grasping his hand.

 

"Are you okay?" She whispered voice hoarse and echoey, distorted by her broken hearing.

 

He nodded, eyes wide with fear.

 

Rey picked him up cradling him close to her. She couldn't believe she had almost lost him.

 

“It’s going to be okay.” She whispered into his hair. “It’s going to be okay.”

 

But as she turned, cradling her frightened son amongst the flames, she was met by a woman dressed in dark robes. Flanked by half a dozen other cloaked figures. Weapons drawn. The Knights of Ren.

 

But the most shocking sight of all was that the woman, their leader, was illuminated red by the glow of the lightsaber in her hand.

 

_Ren's saber._

 

* * *

 

They were making good time.

 

Cruising through hyperspace, in an old Coruscant whisper-class freighter. It had been surprisingly easy to steal. They had targeted a weapons dealer, who they had seen unloading blasters and spice from his ship, slipping a wad of credits to a First Order customs official.

 

“This asshole will do.” Kell had whispered, while Rina distracted the First Order guards on duty.

 

With both him, Kell and Eno all compelling the weak minded weapons dealer, he had handed his ship over the practically no resistance. Along with his transit permits. After they wiped his memory he wore only a vaguely confused expression on his face, and an offer to purchase deathsticks. Kylo declined.

 

They had left Taris’s atmosphere mere hours after arriving at the Spaceport, him piloting while Roo, Rina and the twins ate some questionable fried dough they’d bought from an off-world vendor.

 

The freighter was admittedly a piece of junk. Nothing like his sleek old Command Shuttle or his fearsome TIE Silencer. But for the required purpose it would do. Strangely it reminded him of the Falcon. Small but spacious, utilitarian yet homely and more than a little tattered and old. A pang of nostalgia, mixed with pain filled his stomach. He missed his father. Despite everything he missed him. Age and circumstance and sentiment had made him weak.

 

Eno walked into the cockpit as he slowly maneuvered the clutch in neutral, falling out of hyperspace.

 

“How do you even know where this boy is? You know the one who’s apparently your kid?”

 

Kylo grunted. “He told me, through the Force. He’s a powerful Force user. For his age.”

 

Eno raised an eyebrow “And exactly how old is he?”

 

Kylo paused for a moment, having to do some mental calculation. _How long since he had seen Rey?_ And the pregnancy…

 

“Six, I think. Or seven.”

 

Eno frowned. Then lowered his voice. “Talk to his mother okay Ren. Just do anything rash. I know you that she kept him from you, but just don’t do anything stupid."

 

“I can deal with the scavenger myself.” He growled, staring at Eno accusing. Unwanted emotions, of sadness and loss welling up inside him.

 

“Perhaps not calling her 'the scavenger’ would be a start.”

 

Ren nodded, and Eno took his leave.

 

He thought about her, the sound of his name on her lips.

 

“Rey.” He whispered to himself.

 

Fresh out of lightspeed, he deccelarated breaching Eufornis’s atmosphere smoothly. But as soon as he descended over the Capitol he sensed that something was terribly wrong. He could feel him. Cai. And the fear and terror coming off him. His son was in danger and so was Rey.

 

But he had already guessed that, seeing the massive star destroyer that hung low in the sky.

 

He pulled at the accelator causing the freighter to jump, coming into land fast. He had to do something. Even If it meant exposing himself to the First Order.

 

_Otherwise they would die. Rey and Cai_

 

“The First Order. They are attacking the Resistance." He said. Shouting at the twins, his knights. "Rey, and my son, they’re in trouble.”

 

Kell and Eno nodded, immeadiately reacting, reaching for their weapons. They had been trained well. Kylo grabbed an ion staff and a blaster. The only alternatives now that his lightsaber was gone, no longer in his possession.

 

“Rina, can you land a ship?”

 

Rina opened and closed her mouth. “I can drive a land speeder.”

 

“Same principle.” He shouted, hurriedly. “Get Roo out of here." He pulled the freighter down to the just below the ground and then handed the controls over to Rina.

 

“Good luck.” He whispered and theb hit the button for the door ramp leaping the final ten feet. Landing in a busy street accompanied by Kell and Eno.

 

“Oh shit, that’s Kylo Ren!" Someone immeadiately shouted snapping a photo, but he ignored the curious stares, contining to run towards the choas, a burning warehouse, that had been very obviously bombed to the point of almost incineration.

 

He ran into the wreckage. To be met by a familiar pair of eyes. Rey. And before her was Yahna, advancing towards her slowly, clutching his crossguard lightsaber. Snoke had never trusted her with one of her own.

 

Rey stood in the distance, coughing on the smoke, tears running down her face. Weaponless, she had resorted to throwing a constant barrage of objects at Yahna using the Force, and attempt to keep her away. The heavy objects had slowed her pursuit. But Yahna inched ever closer, swinging the crackling red blade menacingly.

 

And behind Rey, hiding was the _boy_  a mass of dark curls. _Cai_. Ren felt tears come to his eyes. He was suddenly so, so, very happy. But the boy was inches away from Yahna’s weapon, from death.

 

“Just give up Scavenger. That’s what he called you right? Scavenger. Desert filth. Yes I have seen his mind. Give up Scavenger and I’ll go it quick. I’ll let you rejoin him. Your beloved Ben Solo.”

 

Rey screamed and threw another piece of metal at Yahna.

 

“You should stop lying Yahna.” Kylo shouted. “Faking my death. Such a cheap trick.”

 

Yahna spun around gazing at him, shock colouring her face.

 

“Ren.” She hissed.

 

He moved to meet Rey’s eyes, full of solemn recognition. She knew, he knew. But now wasn't the time. The time for confrontation and reasoning. Instead he nodded and threw his ion staff in the air. Rey deftly caught it, spinning back to face Yahna.

 

Meanwhile Kylo spun to shoot one of the Knights that flanked her with his blaster, watching as the cloaked figure was knocked back, crumpling to his knees. Eno and Kell were already beginning to dispatch the other knights. Kell wielding her ion whip aggressively. And Eno sending a torrent of blaster bolts into their mist.

 

Kylo heard Rey let out scream of pain, in the distance, one that jarred his very soul. But he had to save the boy. Using the Force to deflect a blaster bolt, he closed his eyes, crouching to avoid the laser fire.

 

 _'If you want to live, you have to run now.'_ He thought through the bond. He felt the boys mind awash with fear, fear and mistrust of him. Kylo Ren. But also an instinct to survive. ' _Now. Run fast. And stay low_.'

 

The boy moved from behind his mother and began to sprint. Not a quickly as Kylo would have liked, foot dragging with a limp but within thirty seconds he had crossed the length of the warehouse. Kylo pulling him into his arms.

 

Kylo began to run, feeling his sleeve becoming slick.

 

“You were hit?” He whispered.

 

“My leg.” The boy said hoarsely.

 

“It’s okay.” He whispered. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

 

“But Mama…”

 

Kylo spun to regard the scene. All of the knights were dead. And only Eno left standing over Kell’s limp body. Weeping. And then there was Rey. Still alive. Fighting Yahna ferociously, face set in a hard grimace, an animalistic snarl ripping from her mouth as her ion blade clashed against Yahna’s saber. But something was off. Her balance was wrong.

 

She should have been able to outmatch Yahna easily but instead she was struggling. Only barely standing her ground. Kylo swallowed.

 

“She’ll be fine.” Kylo said lying.

 

And then, heart already broken a thousand times over, he turned, carrying the bleeding boy and fled.

 

* * *

 

_She’s fighting, fighting for her life and for Cai’s, even though she feels like she's about to be sick. Her ear drums throb, dried blood crusted around her lobes. And there is blood, blood dripping from the gash in her shoulder, where the girl, this Knight of Ren has poked a hole in her. It drips, drip drip drip sonorously onto the ground and slides beneath her boots whenever she blocks an attack. A puddle of red. She’s getting light headed. Her nostrils are filled with the smell of rust._

 

_“Worthless, no saber. Not even a Jedi.” Her opponent spits._

 

_“Desert rat, Jakku scum.”_

 

 _And then suddenly Cai is gone… He is behind her one moment and then the next he is in Ren’s arms and then gone gone gone._  

 

_And Ren is here. Here on Eufornis. He really is alive. She wonders, head pounding if he caused this._

 

_Did the First Order come for the Resistance. Or for him?_

 

_The Knight of Ren attacks her rentlessly, giving her no reprieve. Wearing her down. Blocking an attack, she looks around. Ren has gone. Gone with Cai. He does come not save her. She turns back facing the girl, this dark knight holding Ren’s lightsaber that hates her. Rey doesn't not know why. But she is strong with the Force. Darkness churning inside her like a storm._

 

_Unlike Ren there is no artistry to her attack. She fights with with a fury, a whirlwind, all destruction, offensive and powerful. And so fast. Too fast. Rey is dizzy. She can't stop the ringing in her head. There is too much blood and she wants to scream and this Knight of Ren hates her, hates her for no reason and her heart is pounding in her chest. And then she trips slipping to one knee._

 

_“I’d ask you if you have any last words, but I don't particularly care.”_

 

_She smiles, pretty and lethal and then brings the saber down._

 

_Rey screams._

 

Rey woke up cursing. Sick of the dream. The dream that wasn't a dream but a memory. If Poe hadn't woken up and managed to shoot her opponent at the last moment, Rey would have been dead.

 

Instead she now she passes her days sitting in the medbay of the Falcon. Mind broken, reliving the attack again and again.

 

There was no longer any fight in her, not when Cai was gone. She sat in bed all day meditating, trying to find him, but was met only with black. Radio silence.

 

She could not find Ren either. The Force bond with him had vanished. Completely gone. Once she would have been glad for it. A mind that was entirely her own, but _now.._.

 

Now, she was a wreck. Is a wreck. A mother without a son.

 

She was healing slowly. Too slowly. Three weeks in a medbay and her hearing was just beginning to return to normal. Her shoulder, freshly scarred, still ached terribly when she moved, eliciting a jolt of pain. Numerous other plasters and bandages adorned her body. New battle scars

 

The rest of the Resistance hadn’t fared  either. Jessika was dead. Wexley sporting a new prosthetic arm. And Poe, her saviour had a number of crushed ribs and a broken leg. Only Finn and Rose had escape unscathed, not present at the time of the attack.

 

“Cheer up peanut.” Finn said on his daily visits. “You’ll get him back. I know it.”

 

“I hope so.” Rey said lost.

 

She knew Ren had saved Cai. Saved him when she couldn't. But he had also taken him away, away from her. And for that she couldn't forgive him. She didn't care that he was in hiding. He had already torn the galaxy apart.

 

The First Order was in turmoil now that Ren had been spotted alive. Split into two warring factions. Hux had been acussed of corruption and weakness. But the First Order dealt in corruption and therefore he had managed to not yet be deposed. But while the First Order felt into chaos, the galaxy was suffering. Poor world's falling even further into ruin.

 

The Resistance no longer knew what to do. Who to fight. Right now they were simply recovering, X-Wings destroyed, all their data and comms gone. And still noone knew how the First Order had found them.

 

But Rey had already made her desicion. She was leaving. The Resistance. Her friends. She had to find Cai. And that meant finding Ren. The most wanted man in the galaxy. It wasn't going to be easy.

 

When the Resistance had finally landed on Yavin IV, she said her goodbyes. The Millennium Falcon was hers. Bestowed upon Rey in Leia’s will. _Han would have wanted you to have it_ , Leia had written. A sentiment that had brought tears to her eyes.

 

Then, left alone in the freighter she stood frozen, in the stagnant air of the hangar, silent apart from her beating heart and stagnant breaths. With her friends finally gone, she did what she had needed to for the last month. Broke down in tears and cried.

 

“You know, your not going to get very far moping around like that.”

 

Rey started. Paralyzed with shock. Slowly, when her heart rate had gone almost back to normal, she turned her head. Behind her stood Luke. But instead of being solid he was pale, spectral, almost shiny around the edges.

 

"Luke? But you’re - you’re…."

 

“Dead?” Luke raised his eyebrows. “You do tend to state the obvious Rey.”

 

“But...but... How?”

 

“You haven't been reading those Jedi texts you stole have you?” Luke said sighing.

 

Rey shook her head.

 

Luke sighed. “I’m what you’d call a Force ghost. Sometimes Jedi are able to retain their memories of life after death.  A manifestation of the cosmic Force in the living realm.”

 

Rey blinked. “But why… Why are you here?”

 

“I’m here because you need me.” Luke grumbled. “The Force has taken me out of retirement to assist you. I’m not exactly happy about it.”

 

Rey nodded but felt her shoulders tense. “You’ll help me find my son?”

 

“I’m here to help you be who you were meant to be.”

 

Rey scoffed. “I’m no one.”

 

Luke just smiled sadly. “You can’t honestly still believe that.”

 

Rey shrugged. “So are you going to help me or not? To get Cai back.”

 

“Yes. You need to find Ren. To bring balance back to the Force. And Ren has the boy.”

 

“I hate him.” Rey sobbed. “He took my son. He hates me. He hates that I lied to him” She paused hanging her head. “Maybe I should just accept it. That he’s really gone. That both of them are gone.”

 

“Noone is ever really gone.” Luke said, quietly, attempting to reassure her.

 

Rey nodded. “You’re right.” Tears burned her already sore eyes. “I’m getting him back. Whatever it takes. But first I need to go to Illum.” She said. “It’s about time that I make a lightsaber of my own.”

 

Luke smiled. A expression of satisfaction on his face. “You’re finally ready.” He said raising an eyebrow.

 

“For what?”

 

“To become the Jedi you were meant to be.”

** END OF PART ONE **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter just killed me. Sorry if there are typos/ the writings not as good as usual but I've been flying for eight hours and now have a seven hour layover in Abu Dhabi airport and am tired and crazy.
> 
> So, this is the end of Part l of my (planned) three part epic. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed it.
> 
> In Part ll, there will be more of Rey and Kylo together, finally! As well as...
> 
> -More of grumpy Force ghost Luke  
> -Cai making a friend  
> -Hux being evil  
> -Angst and arguments (because obviously, it’s an Allie fic)  
> -Rina being the voice of reason  
> -Unresolved sexual tension  
> -That gets resolved (maybe)  
> -Leading to SMUT!???? (Get excited!)
> 
>  
> 
> But, uh so… heads up -I’m taking the rest of July off (for my sanity). Also because I’m starting a new job. And moving back abroad for said job. And finally seeing my boyfriend (borders cannot keep us apart), and well, seriously if you write the same thing for too long without a break to mull it over, you do go insane. But that doesn't mean I won't be writing, I’m writing a one shot from a prompt for a fic exchange. And I also have an AU idea (says the AU hater) that is in development.
> 
> In the meantime, if you haven't read my one shot - [Spark](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831744) yet, read it!

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this fic, show your appreciation with kudos and comments! Thanks <3


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